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Unread 6th February 2013, 05:42 PM   #1
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Default Tiny Classified Ad- Critique And Advice Welcome.

Ok guys,

If any copy writers are willing to throw me some advice it will be greatly appreciated.

I have done this before and got decent results with another model, even as a novice copywriter, but Im sure some of the better copy writers here could help me get optimal conversion with their expertise if they will lend it.

What I want to do is place tiny classified ads (Ala Don Lapre) In various cities...in print publications, which are small enough to stay within a cost model of a hundred bucks or less per ad, as Im going to use multiple ads, and repeat them weekly in various papers that give me a positive ROI.

The idea is to attract people to call in for a free 30 day listing, and then upsell them on that call to a premium one. Given the niches I will be targeting... I will probably be able to upsell 1 out of three call ins, if past experience is any indicator, but I would like to obviously get as many call ins as humanly possible and have the most effective ads possible with your help.

Here are my questions:

1: What do you think of this ad?
2: How would you shorten it and make it even more powerful, as most papers charge by the word or line.
3: I will be testing it in a few different cities, so any other versions that you think would be test worthy are much appreciated.

The reason I think the headline will draw attention is because the readers first thought (ideally) is going to be that they are being offered a free listing in the print publication they are reading if I word it right, thats the goal to grab their attention initially, then I have to quickly entice them to call...

Here is the basic ad I am thinking of now:

Claim Your Free Business Advertisement!
Get in front of over 400,000 customers per day, with Arkansas premier online business directory, ____________.com!
Call Now:

If any fellow warrior copywriters can help make any of these lines stronger, then please share your experienced advice. I know this is a bit different than long copy for the web,... but maybe it will be a fun exercise for someone.

Thanks again,

John

Ps. The ads will be placed in the section of paper where the lawyers and various niche business people advertise their own services...the idea being that they will see them when they check on their own ads...however, if you have a better idea for what sections to place them in, thats great too.

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Unread 6th February 2013, 05:50 PM   #2
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Default Re: Tiny Classified Ad- Critique And Advice Welcome.

1: The ad is not bad
2: shorter version:

"Reach" instead of "Get in front"

3:
Free Customers!
Reach 400k visitors daily with Arkansas premier online business directory, ____________.com!
Call Now:
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Unread 6th February 2013, 08:07 PM   #3
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Default Re: Tiny Classified Ad- Critique And Advice Welcome.

Thanks Brother! I especially like "reach" instead of "get in front of"... Thats awesome! You just saved me 3 words, and that one word is more powerful! You are right! 3 words is alot when you are talking tiny classifieds, and the more concentrated power in each the better.

Great ideas , thanks. Will be using that.

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Unread 6th February 2013, 08:50 PM   #4
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Default Re: Tiny Classified Ad- Critique And Advice Welcome.

John,

1. Consider making the headline a compelling benefit.
2. Consider taking the word "over" out and replacing "400,000" with an exact number.
3. Look for an adjective more powerful than "premier" (there may not be one).

Alex
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Unread 6th February 2013, 08:55 PM   #5
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Default Re: Tiny Classified Ad- Critique And Advice Welcome.

Thanks Alex, on the word "premier" I chose it because it goes over most peoples heads (the actual definition) but rings of "top" or "Number one"...even though it just means "new". You are right, there is probably a better word there, and the advice about an exact number is GOLD...thanks for that. No doubt. Great advice. This thing is getting the fat trimmed off of it, like only fellow Warriors can help you do!

Will have to ponder the headline to see what I can come up with, I was thinking it already was a benefit... but maybe it could be more compelling.

By compelling do you mean a benefit that includes a call to action?

Thanks again guys.

-John

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Unread 7th February 2013, 12:04 AM   #6
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Default Re: Tiny Classified Ad- Critique And Advice Welcome.

Hi John,

I'm not exactly a 'copywriter', but I do write my own material, so take this
with a grain

I don't have a problem with 'get in front of' as that is descriptive. The 400,000
number per day, hmm. I think I would not believe that so I would need that to
make sense. More so on a locally targeted ad.

My biggest gripe is the word 'customers'. Those are not customers, those are
potential customers/prospects/leads until they make a purchase.

Basically, I don't believe a word of the ad, but I know some may check it out
as it is 'free'

As for lawyers, those guys are analytical so I fear this may not get their interest
at all. Good luck with your endeavor!
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Unread 7th February 2013, 12:33 AM   #7
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Default Re: Tiny Classified Ad- Critique And Advice Welcome.

Quote:
Originally Posted by John Durham View Post
Will have to ponder the headline to see what I can come up with, I was thinking it already was a benefit... but maybe it could be more compelling.

By compelling do you mean a benefit that includes a call to action?
John,

Think of a benefit as being 1) What a product DOES for a buyer or 2) What a product MEANS to a buyer.

The MEANS benefit is usually where the compelling aspect can be found.

As an example, take a weight loss product with all natural ingredients. The DOES benefit is, the product helps a person lose weight without harmful side effects. The MEANS benefit is, the person will feel better about himself after he's lost the weight.

So in your case, determine what a free business advertisement will MEAN to the buyer.

It's worth testing.

Alex
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Unread 7th February 2013, 03:11 AM   #8
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Default Re: Tiny Classified Ad- Critique And Advice Welcome.

Quote:
Originally Posted by OfflineGold View Post
Hi John,

I'm not exactly a 'copywriter', but I do write my own material, so take this
with a grain

I don't have a problem with 'get in front of' as that is descriptive. The 400,000
number per day, hmm. I think I would not believe that so I would need that to
make sense. More so on a locally targeted ad.

My biggest gripe is the word 'customers'. Those are not customers, those are
potential customers/prospects/leads until they make a purchase.

Basically, I don't believe a word of the ad, but I know some may check it out
as it is 'free'

As for lawyers, those guys are analytical so I fear this may not get their interest
at all. Good luck with your endeavor!
Honestly 400,000, is just a number I am throwing out there at the moment, for the sake of outlining the ad and getting a foundation built around it, so the number may change... That is the only variable word in this ad.

As far as living up to the claim,'

Let's say the number turns out to be 231,041 unique visitors... I will have the traffic stats to back that up, by the time the ad launches.

This post is sort of a pre-pondering, to bounce it off of some great copy writing minds. The plan is for the ad to develop with this post, and isnt in stone or anything. I knew better than to ask this question here (Especially) with an already made up mind... Honestly I expected to get pounded alot harder, so the responses here have been a pleasant surprise.

Back to the numbers claims...

I have several ways I have used in the past to send tons of traffic and rack up traffic stats, in the form of actual unique visits, that aren't through natural search traffic, so blowing up numbers in the stats and having a big number to refer to is not an issue, while the natural traffic is growing.

As far as the natural traffic...

That will grow over time, and I also have a pretty much shoe in plan for ranking it number one on google, for a bunch of different terms... In that regard, most people are not willing to reinvest in their sites the way I will be reinvesting in this one, because I see it as a long term project that is a major income source, not a minor one at all. This will actually be a main focus, and something Im building for the long term, not just "testing", so it is worth reinvesting in at every turn.

Also every new client who takes out a premium listing on the site will be linking back and forth to their other sites and adding optimized content to my directory which will have its own advantages.

Im no SEO expert, admittedly, but I know some basic things and will be outsourcing the seo to a couple of Warriors who can rank it with surety, in the mean time I have other methods of driving unique visitors to make the stats match any advertising claims, to supplement the growing natural traffic.

Also; my apologies here...

Really dont mean for this post to sound vague, and I wish I could give more detail, but I dont want or need trolls looking up my sites and sabotaging my customers, which I seem to have become a target for , and already have had to give up one site as a result of sharing; one that I had big plans for...

This will be one project that you unfortunately wont see me sharing every little detail of on the WF.

As far as using the word "Customers" - EVERYONE in this world is a customer, ie; consumer... that is my thought behind it, but Im open to better ideas, and they are welcome.

You just gave me an idea to maybe change that word to "consumers", which means the same thing, but may be a better word to use. Thanks.

The purpose of the ad is to get them to call in and claim their free listing, which they will absolutely receive, regardless of whether they buy the premium one in my phone consultation or not. All I want is for them to ask "What the heck is this about?" and be curious enough to call in.

What Im hoping I can get from this post is some really good ideas to make those ads as effective as possible, and I think it was a good move to ask because already I have gotten some truly golden advice here.

Thanks again for being so open to help guys!

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Unread 7th February 2013, 04:21 AM   #9
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Default Re: Tiny Classified Ad- Critique And Advice Welcome.

John I'll break it down for you with the reasons why we do things
and you'll end up with an ad to run and test.

Sound good?

Since you are going in a section of the paper where advertising space isn't normally sold.

Therefore we first have to call out who we are speaking to.

Say "For Boston Business owner"

Combine benefit and logic together with
"Advertise where the online buyers are."

Keep one thought to each sentence so it is easy to sink in.

Expand on the thought with some more benefit oriented detail.
"Free and permanent listing for the next 24 hours."

Being free can create a impression it isn't valuable
so we counter this thought by putting a time limit on the offer
which also creates a reason to call now.

"Call xx xxx xx now and ask for John."

We put a name in the last line so you can track the response to each ad.

If you have the space, you could test these 2 variations in the last line...

"because only he has the authority to offer the free listing."

Once again it builds up value of the offer and giving a reason
why you are asking them to do something lifts response.

There ya go, the thinking behind an ad and one made ready to go for ya!

Best,
Ewen

P.S. I've just read gjabiz reply.
I agree, and don't know why I missed his point,
have the one call to action. I recommend the phone call.

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Unread 7th February 2013, 05:29 AM   #10
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Default Re: Tiny Classified Ad- Critique And Advice Welcome.

John,

If the purpose of the classified is to drive people to a website then you should drop the "Arkansas premier online business directory" and just have the website address. Especially if you are going to other cities outside of Arkansas ( or are you planning on having specific state names in each state that you advertisie in) EX: Maryland premier online business directory. None the less, I don't see the need to put the name in the classified if it is going to state the samething on the website. Plus you might get more clicks just from the curiosity factor to see what it's all about and in the end that's the purpose of the classified... to get those clicks

John

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Unread 7th February 2013, 05:56 AM   #11
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Default Re: Tiny Classified Ad- Critique And Advice Welcome.

Hi John,

I do like your ad but my gut instinct is that it may come across as a little 'too good to be true' to your target audience. All an ad like this really needs to do is attract attention, create a little interest / curiousity with a big benefit and give a strong call to action, like this:

Calling All Arkansas Business Owners...

If you want more customers fast, then go to...

www.-----

Or Call

0123----

This will target the prospects you want, give them a big reason to check you out without seeming like a scam (what business owner doesn't want more customers?) and go to your site.

I don't think you even need to mention what your service is, you can soon tell them that when they get to your site.

As always with marketing, be sure to test before rolling out. Feel free to split test my ad against yours and if mine comes out on top, use it as your own.

Hope that helps,

Tim.
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Unread 7th February 2013, 10:05 AM   #12
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Default More questions than answers, but...

Hi John,

We've run thousands of classified ads in hundreds of newspapers. Bear with me, but I have some questions, OK?

You want them to visit a web site, that is the sole purpose of the ad, eh?

Will you be using weeklies, dailies or Sunday papers? Will you use a placement service which will place the ad in hundreds of papers for a low price compared to if you place them yourself?

Are you willing to go in the hole on the ads to get a customer? Any idea on the LifeTime Value of a customer?

Our experience shows that weeklies work better than daily papers, these are "crappers", kept in bathroom as reading material...

In other words, they hang around the home or office longer than a daily.

Classified sections are both scanned and read specifically...if you have a tradesman section, you'll see that.

All you want is to have a short BOLD headline, fewest words possible to get some action. Since most people and businesses are connected 24/7, you may want to test a CODE, which people can scan instantly and get to the site.

you can leave off www. to save some space, you can test this, but .com tells the reader it is a web site. arbiz.com something short and sweet.

Of course you want to test several versions and as you noted, see what works.

Want NEW Customers?

Use today's tools; Web, Cell,
Codes FREE trial. arbiz.com

And a CODE maybe. I'd test with
and without a code.

Then, what they see first thing, the deck copy of the site is going to be critical to your conversions, you are confident and experienced about that, so no probs there.

Problem with classifieds are a one time insertion will probably produce few results, but repeated ads work. One suggestion start with weeklies surrounding a Metro area. Akron-Canton and Columbus are great areas to test in. Around Akron, we have 17 weeklies and more if you include Cleveland.

If you spend 100 bux an ad, for 20 publications, how many new customers do you need to break even and how long will you keep the customers at whatever rate and is it then, affordable to pay that much?

Sorry I have more questions than answers. One idea, is I'd test the headline with just a Code, just to see what happens.

Good luck, classified ads can be fab or a flop, but they are cheap to test.

gjabiz

PS. I wouldn't give two choices, web and phone. Do one or the other. Instead of website then
put something like 800-555-1515 Again, testing has shown a prerecorded message gets more
calls, otherwise they may think they are going to get a sales pitch.

One idea might be to get them to short splash page to give some general info, and offer a phone number to see if they QUALIFY for the FREE deal, or something like that
Quote:
Originally Posted by John Durham View Post
Ok guys,

If any copy writers are willing to throw me some advice it will be greatly appreciated.

I have done this before and got decent results with another model, even as a novice copywriter, but Im sure some of the better copy writers here could help me get optimal conversion with their expertise if they will lend it.

What I want to do is place tiny classified ads (Ala Don Lapre) In various cities...in print publications, which are small enough to stay within a cost model of a hundred bucks or less per ad, as Im going to use multiple ads, and repeat them weekly in various papers that give me a positive ROI.

The idea is to attract people to call in for a free 30 day listing, and then upsell them on that call to a premium one. Given the niches I will be targeting... I will probably be able to upsell 1 out of three call ins, if past experience is any indicator, but I would like to obviously get as many call ins as humanly possible and have the most effective ads possible with your help.

Here are my questions:

1: What do you think of this ad?
2: How would you shorten it and make it even more powerful, as most papers charge by the word or line.
3: I will be testing it in a few different cities, so any other versions that you think would be test worthy are much appreciated.

The reason I think the headline will draw attention is because the readers first thought (ideally) is going to be that they are being offered a free listing in the print publication they are reading if I word it right, thats the goal to grab their attention initially, then I have to quickly entice them to call...

Here is the basic ad I am thinking of now:

Claim Your Free Business Advertisement!
Get in front of over 400,000 customers per day, with Arkansas premier online business directory, ____________.com!
Call Now:

If any fellow warrior copywriters can help make any of these lines stronger, then please share your experienced advice. I know this is a bit different than long copy for the web,... but maybe it will be a fun exercise for someone.

Thanks again,

John

Ps. The ads will be placed in the section of paper where the lawyers and various niche business people advertise their own services...the idea being that they will see them when they check on their own ads...however, if you have a better idea for what sections to place them in, thats great too.

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Unread 7th February 2013, 01:30 PM   #13
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Default Re: Tiny Classified Ad- Critique And Advice Welcome.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post
John I'll break it down for you with the reasons why we do things
and you'll end up with an ad to run and test.
Excellent advice, in your post.

I'd do away with:
"because only he has the authority to offer the free listing."

I doubt anyone would care.

It doesn't make the offer any more compelling knowing that
John is god of the free listings.
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Unread 7th February 2013, 02:42 PM   #14
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Default Re: Tiny Classified Ad- Critique And Advice Welcome.

The ad is pretty boring and generic. It reads... well... just like an ad.

You should get people excited and jumping at the opportunity to call you up and take advantage of your amazing offer. It's hard to create trust and believability in such a small space. One of the best ways to achieve that is to offer a reason why you are offering such a deal. Try something like this and I guarantee you will get people calling you...

Free Advertising Opportunity

We need to fill empty advertising spots quickly.
If you want your business shown to over 400,000
customers for free, Call now:
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Unread 15th February 2013, 11:55 AM   #15
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Default Re: Tiny Classified Ad- Critique And Advice Welcome.

We are now eager to know what your website is? We were wondering if you can PM it or write it here. Not sure if writing it here would be against the warrior forums terms.

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Unread 15th February 2013, 12:24 PM   #16
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Default Re: Tiny Classified Ad- Critique And Advice Welcome.

Quote:
Originally Posted by John Durham View Post




Here is the basic ad I am thinking of now:

Claim Your Free Business Advertisement!
Get in front of over 400,000 customers per day, with Arkansas premier online business directory, ____________.com!
Call Now:


Hey John,

not a bad start, but it definitely needs sharpening. It's simply TOO general - I get you're trying to appeal to anyone who needs your service, but the bigger the net you cast, the more the fish will slip through the holes in that net.

Try targeting some people first. People who need advertising? That's everyone with a business.

10'000 hot prospects DIRECTLY interesting in 'X' business? That's something everyone that THAT business wants. Target your prospects, then tailor your ad to them. It'll be a stronger sales message, and you'll get a MUCH higher response.

Best of luck.


Ben

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Unread 16th February 2013, 04:17 AM   #17
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Default Re: Tiny Classified Ad- Critique And Advice Welcome.

As has been mentioned "free" has got to have a "value."

Also many businesses have advertised here, there any everywhere and got a very poor response.

Because the Ads were badly written.

The businesses that do advertise tend to stick with the medium that somehow does work for them.

So, you need to highlight why their Ads will work well in your directory and how impressive it is at pulling in results.


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Unread 16th February 2013, 05:03 AM   #18
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Default Re: Tiny Classified Ad- Critique And Advice Welcome.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post
John I'll break it down for you with the reasons why we do things
and you'll end up with an ad to run and test.

Sound good?

Since you are going in a section of the paper where advertising space isn't normally sold.

Therefore we first have to call out who we are speaking to.

Say "For Boston Business owner"

Combine benefit and logic together with
"Advertise where the online buyers are."

Keep one thought to each sentence so it is easy to sink in.

Expand on the thought with some more benefit oriented detail.
"Free and permanent listing for the next 24 hours."

Being free can create a impression it isn't valuable
so we counter this thought by putting a time limit on the offer
which also creates a reason to call now.

"Call xx xxx xx now and ask for John."

We put a name in the last line so you can track the response to each ad.

If you have the space, you could test these 2 variations in the last line...

"because only he has the authority to offer the free listing."

Once again it builds up value of the offer and giving a reason
why you are asking them to do something lifts response.

There ya go, the thinking behind an ad and one made ready to go for ya!

Best,
Ewen

P.S. I've just read gjabiz reply.
I agree, and don't know why I missed his point,
have the one call to action. I recommend the phone call.
Completely agree with Ewen - As with all adverts, nobody is reading the paper and seeking out your copy - you need to appeal to their interest by talking to them directly.

Off the top of my head (without any of the required research)...

Do you need new customers?
Reach over 400,000 prospects every day.
Try before you buy with a FREE 30-day trial.
Places are limited, avoid disappointment. CALL NOW:

Hope that helps give some food for thought.

Tref
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Unread 18th February 2013, 12:58 PM   #19
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Default Re: Tiny Classified Ad- Critique And Advice Welcome.

Hi Gjabiz, thanks for the comprehensive response... I will try to address all of your questions one by one in blue below. Again, thanks for taking the time man, really appreciated.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gjabiz View Post
Hi John,

We've run thousands of classified ads in hundreds of newspapers. Bear with me, but I have some questions, OK?

You want them to visit a web site, that is the sole purpose of the ad, eh?

No. I am going to try and have them call in so I can strike while the iron is hot.It's enough to ask them to take one action and dial a number...filling out a website form is asking them to take yet another action on their own devices. I want to get them while they are hot and I have a better chance of putting them over the edge in that state myself, on the phone, or using a telemarketer.

Will you be using weeklies, dailies or Sunday papers?
Probably will start out with Wednesdays and Sundays.

Will you use a placement service which will place the ad in hundreds of papers for a low price compared to if you place them yourself?

Definitely will use a service to roll out, after I have went through a testing period with about 5 successful ads and have a definite idea of what kinds of papers and placements are going to work best.

Are you willing to go in the hole on the ads to get a customer? Any idea on the LifeTime Value of a customer?

Good question. Im going to try to keep the ad cost down to about 100 bucks per ad for little 3 liners... and the customer pays $100 per month for the service, so the average customer is going to be worth about $1200 per year. My hope is to get 3-5 customers for every $100 spent on classifieds.

Our experience shows that weeklies work better than daily papers, these are "crappers", kept in bathroom as reading material...

In other words, they hang around the home or office longer than a daily.

Makes perfect sense... Nice key. Thanks for that. Will definitely consider.

Classified sections are both scanned and read specifically...if you have a tradesman section, you'll see that.

All you want is to have a short BOLD headline, fewest words possible to get some action. Since most people and businesses are connected 24/7, you may want to test a CODE, which people can scan instantly and get to the site.

Wasnt going to send them to a site, but iopen ton hearing any advantages you think that may have. I always feel its best to get them to the close with as few steps and as little time away from the moment of excitement as possible.

you can leave off www. to save some space, you can test this, but .com tells the reader it is a web site. arbiz.com something short and sweet.

Of course you want to test several versions and as you noted, see what works.

Want NEW Customers?

Use today's tools; Web, Cell,
Codes FREE trial. arbiz.com

And a CODE maybe. I'd test with
and without a code.

Then, what they see first thing, the deck copy of the site is going to be critical to your conversions, you are confident and experienced about that, so no probs there.

Thanks. You have me thinking here.

Problem with classifieds are a one time insertion will probably produce few results, but repeated ads work. One suggestion start with weeklies surrounding a Metro area. Akron-Canton and Columbus are great areas to test in. Around Akron, we have 17 weeklies and more if you include Cleveland.

If you spend 100 bux an ad, for 20 publications, how many new customers do you need to break even and how long will you keep the customers at whatever rate and is it then, affordable to pay that much?

I would need 20 customers to break even on the front end...but given the year long value (cant determine a precise "life long" until I watch the stats for a couple of years and see how long the average customer stays on over the long haul) I would need two customers to break even. However Im calling it 10 to lowball because I cant leave 2k sitting out there month after month taking a year to bring ROI.

Sorry I have more questions than answers. One idea, is I'd test the headline with just a Code, just to see what happens.

Good luck, classified ads can be fab or a flop, but they are cheap to test.

gjabiz
Thanks again for all the consideration, you gave me alot of food for thought here.

Mucho Gracia's.

-John


Quote:
Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post
John I'll break it down for you with the reasons why we do things
and you'll end up with an ad to run and test.

Sound good?

Absolutely! Thanks Ewen, always perk up and listen when you have something to say. This statement causes great anticipation.

Since you are going in a section of the paper where advertising space isn't normally sold.

Is there another section you suggest?

Therefore we first have to call out who we are speaking to.

Say "For Boston Business owner"

Combine benefit and logic together with
"Advertise where the online buyers are."

Keep one thought to each sentence so it is easy to sink in.

Yes. Im learning this with ad copy; to be concise and easy to assimilate.

Expand on the thought with some more benefit oriented detail.
"Free and permanent listing for the next 24 hours."

Being free can create a impression it isn't valuable
so we counter this thought by putting a time limit on the offer
which also creates a reason to call now.

"Call xx xxx xx now and ask for John."

We put a name in the last line so you can track the response to each ad.

Makes Sense, and I like the time sensitive thought. Thanks.

If you have the space, you could test these 2 variations in the last line...

"because only he has the authority to offer the free listing."

Once again it builds up value of the offer and giving a reason
why you are asking them to do something lifts response.


Justifications. We use those in telemarketing, its the "Here's why we are asking you to do it this way". Makes sense.

There ya go, the thinking behind an ad and one made ready to go for ya!

Best,
Ewen

P.S. I've just read gjabiz reply.
I agree, and don't know why I missed his point,
have the one call to action. I recommend the phone call.
Thanks Ewen, you guys are giving me alot of freakin food to chew on here! Wow. This will all come in handy. Will try your versions during the testing.

-John

Quote:
Originally Posted by kieljo View Post
John,

If the purpose of the classified is to drive people to a website then you should drop the "Arkansas premier online business directory" and just have the website address. Especially if you are going to other cities outside of Arkansas ( or are you planning on having specific state names in each state that you advertisie in) EX: Maryland premier online business directory.

Thanks. That will be good food for thought if I decide later to send them to a website instead of making it a call in.

None the less, I don't see the need to put the name in the classified if it is going to state the samething on the website. Plus you might get more clicks just from the curiosity factor to see what it's all about and in the end that's the purpose of the classified... to get those clicks

Yup. Just want the curiosity up high enough to where I get a chance to pitch them for ten minutes! Thanks for the contribution John!

John
-John

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tim Bazley View Post
Hi John,

I do like your ad but my gut instinct is that it may come across as a little 'too good to be true' to your target audience. All an ad like this really needs to do is attract attention, create a little interest / curiousity with a big benefit and give a strong call to action, like this:

Calling All Arkansas Business Owners...

Whoa...now that is a nice headline... "Hey that's me, this is a message for me..." I feel that. Man you could do some variations of that for specific industries too. Good one. Thanks.

If you want more customers fast, then go to...

www.-----

Or Call

0123----

This will target the prospects you want, give them a big reason to check you out without seeming like a scam (what business owner doesn't want more customers?) and go to your site.

Really nice stuff here... Im really feeling this. This feels like an ad that I myself would click on.

I don't think you even need to mention what your service is, you can soon tell them that when they get to your site.

That makes sense, being vague in the ad... so as not to eliminate potential prospects that might buy in the pitch , but, who wouldnt have gotten pitched period had you been more specific.

I guess this is kind of blind copy then?


As always with marketing, be sure to test before rolling out. Feel free to split test my ad against yours and if mine comes out on top, use it as your own.

Thanks for your generosity and perspective Tim, this was a good post. I got alot from it. I dont want you guys to think you are wasting your words, because I will try this stuff!

Hope that helps,

It does.

Tim.
-John

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSalesBooster View Post
The ad is pretty boring and generic. It reads... well... just like an ad.

Yup. That's why Im coming to the best copywriters on the internet for advice.

Feeling great about that advice too!

You should get people excited and jumping at the opportunity to call you up and take advantage of your amazing offer. It's hard to create trust and believability in such a small space. One of the best ways to achieve that is to offer a reason why you are offering such a deal. Try something like this and I guarantee you will get people calling you...

Free Advertising Opportunity

We need to fill empty advertising spots quickly.
If you want your business shown to over 400,000
customers for free, Call now:

Wow! Excellent. I think it also has the feel of "Limited Quantity Available" without saying it, and has a great sense of urgency, or "Limited Time". Glad I came here, the advice Im getting is invaluable.

Thanks Salesbooster!

-John

Quote:
Originally Posted by freeadstime View Post
We are now eager to know what your website is? We were wondering if you can PM it or write it here. Not sure if writing it here would be against the warrior forums terms.

My website is in the process of being designed, and I am in the pre launching stages currently. There is no way I will ever give it out even to my closest friends on the Warrior Forum though, after a recent experience here... I trust my friends, but I wont ever give out the web address and make myself an easy target for trolls.

When you speak the truth about telemarketing like I do in "offline", you piss alot of people off in the process... So I am a target and it isnt safe for me to give out URLs anymore.

Wish I could share it though because its turning out to be something I will really be proud of and "want" to share.

I swear even if my best online friend at WF asked for it, I would have to hurt their feelings and say "No", because if I ever got trolled and my customers got sabotaged, I wouldnt want to look over my shoulder at any warrior who I had given the information to. Thanks for being interested though!
-John

Quote:
Originally Posted by CharismaticMannequin View Post
Hey John,

not a bad start, but it definitely needs sharpening. It's simply TOO general - I get you're trying to appeal to anyone who needs your service, but the bigger the net you cast, the more the fish will slip through the holes in that net.

Im getting that, WAAAY more so than I did before... I have had average performing ads in papers in the past, but Im seeing now why they were average.

It's kinda blowing me away the perspective you guys have on this. Im not nearly as close to being a copywriter as I thought, and I still get decent response on my stuff...So its making me want to come in here and spend more time, seeing the improvement I could make by not assuming Im already decent at this...

I could do alot better obviously, and thats GOOD.


Try targeting some people first. People who need advertising? That's everyone with a business.

10'000 hot prospects DIRECTLY interesting in 'X' business? That's something everyone that THAT business wants. Target your prospects, then tailor your ad to them. It'll be a stronger sales message, and you'll get a MUCH higher response.

Best of luck.

Thanks Ben. Was planning on trying some different niche ads... I guess you guess are setting me up pretty good, and kind of making me think I need to look into what sections these are placed in a little harder.



Ben
-John

Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter View Post
As has been mentioned "free" has got to have a "value."

Also many businesses have advertised here, there any everywhere and got a very poor response.

Because the Ads were badly written.

Im seeing that.

The businesses that do advertise tend to stick with the medium that somehow does work for them.

So, you need to highlight why their Ads will work well in your directory and how impressive it is at pulling in results.

This is Excellent food for thought... At first it will be hard to come up with a track record of results, which will ultimately be the main selling point, so for now Im going to have to sell on the "potential for results" which isnt a very strong selling point, so my main selling point at first is going to be through testimonials from their top competitors.

To explain:

During the pre launch phase, Im contacting the top competitors in each niche area "Attorneys, chiropractors, Diners..." whoever everyone else is trying to beat, and offering free premium advertising in exchange for a line or two of thanks that I can place on the site...

So my main selling point in the phone pitch at first is going to be Social Proof... ie; "You may know some of the other attorneys hosting their premium listings with us Bob, Like ____________, or Maybe_________? Or maybe you have been to the site and read their testimonials? Okay great, well like I was saying..."

Most of them cant usually afford to advertise in the same places and ways as these top competitors who they all know and revere... and so , until we start generating enough leads to have those kinds of stats to talk about, the main seller is going to be that the most popular firms in town are doing it... and if you do it you will be counted among the "somebodies"...

So "prestige" is a benefit "Social standing", and also they just feel like "if the top competitors are doing it, then its a smart no brainer at $97 per month."

This approach has worked for me in the past to get through the initial phases until we had solid stats to quote.

I will also be selling on a few other benefits in the phone pitch as well because I cant yet say we have gotten all these people tons of leads truthfully, so we cant sell on that yet.... I can say "why it will work for them" but I cant say how many people it HAS worked for yet. Good thoughts.Thanks Steve!


Steve
-John


Quote:
Originally Posted by UKCopyKing View Post
Completely agree with Ewen - As with all adverts, nobody is reading the paper and seeking out your copy - you need to appeal to their interest by talking to them directly.

Thats one of the big things Im getting here!

Off the top of my head (without any of the required research)...

Do you need new customers?
Reach over 400,000 prospects every day.
Try before you buy with a FREE 30-day trial.
Places are limited, avoid disappointment. CALL NOW:

Hope that helps give some food for thought.

Definitely does. Thanks Tref- I particularly like "try before you buy"- I know people respond to that.

Back when I was younger I would respond to musical equipment ads that said "Pay while you play", because I could get a nicer guitar on payments and have it NOW, instead of having a cheap one I didnt like based on the amount of cash I had available.... I think "try before you buy" is powerful and I know how phrases like that work. Great interjection. Thanks.


Tref
-John

To all of the guys on this thread, I want to thank you for your valuable time, input, and for taking interest in helping me with my idea. In my own niche Im usually the one doing the helping, and I know how much it means to be able to share your knowledge and feel like you made a difference for someone, and you really have done that.

I really feel a difference has been made for me here, and I truly value all of the wisdom you offered.

This thread was a big eye opener for me. I need to hang out in the copy writing section more and get alot better in this area, you guys have some great insight.

Will keep you up to date when I start launching these ads.

Thanks Again,

-John

Ps. Sorry guys, my thanks button quit working will have to come back later and thank each response.

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