Benefits Driven Copy - Have I Labored the Point?

Profile picture of the author SurrealPSD by SurrealPSD Posted: 02/12/2013
Hi Guys

Im very new to the art of copywriting, and have employed some 'techniques' Ive learnt recently for my lead gen site.

I have a buddy who offers web design services in the UK - any referral I send that results in work gives me 20% commission on the job. This website is designed to capture the leads and funnel them through.

http://www.kentbiz.co.uk

The target audience is small business owners in Kent (my county) - Ive also done a 'tab tear' poster campaign.

Do you think Ive gone 'overkill', by focusing exclusively on the benefits as opposed to the service features; or would you argue even more could be done?

I look forward to hearing your thoughts, real smart bunch in this neck of the WF

Conzz



Tab tear poster:

#benefits #copy #driven #labored #point

  • Profile picture of the author Tim Bazley
    Tim Bazley
    Hi

    I'd say always stress the benefits, as you've done. Maybe you could mention even more of them...reach more customers quicker / easier / for less ££s etc.

    Perhaps inject a little curiousity too...at the start insert 'Discover How You Can Reach' etc.

    Other than that, you're on the right track.
  • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
    angiecolee
    I don't think you've found a unique enough pain point. I've seen that ad phrased a hundred different ways, and probably even exactly word for word. Benefits are definitely a better selling point than features in my mind, but that benefit has been done to death.
  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    The Copy Nazi
    It's lame. Put some balls in it. And kill the "free quote" BS. Keep "Small Business Owners". Then be specific - "Jack's old website was making him £50k a year. After we re-designed it he's now making £500k a year. Fact. Let's do a number on yours. Ring now and get ready to ramp up your business".

    That's probably too long but you get the idea I'm sure. Money rings their bells.

    Not sure about this "tab tear" stuff. That looks decidedly downmarket. The url is short and sweet. They should remember it.
  • Profile picture of the author Moriarty
    Moriarty
    Wait a moment. We're all missing something. The website is answering a question - and is optimized for those people who put in that answer.

    Which is fine as far as it goes.

    Only how many stressed businessmen in Kent - or the Midlands, or the Netherlands - put in answers to their questions? Nobody does that. So start finding out what questions these people need answering, what's troubling them that your services answer.

    You have made as good a start as any with Your Questions Answered | Kentbiz - only each of those questions needs its own landing page. Each question needs optimizing for various streams of traffic (PPC/Social Media/Organic) and that means fleshing the question out and adding some of that copywriter's magic - the words that speak to your customer. Share their pain (pleasure, frustration, inability - whatever they're experiencing) and show them that you have an answer to that. 500-800 words is usually enough. That resonance will be a tonic for them.

    Oh, and each of your "learn more" could be specific to the issue at hand - not just a lead in to the "answers" page. Again, 500-800 words on what these things are and why they are important to someone who simply doesn't have time to run their business let alone a website on top. Plus their business is leaning dangerously so they don't have the money to invest the time let alone the money.

    Then they will come to your home page, see the options and find it interesting, useful.

    PS Each of your website examples could be used as a showpiece for an imaginary company.
  • Profile picture of the author SurrealPSD
    SurrealPSD
    Originally Posted by Tim Bazley View Post
    Hi

    I'd say always stress the benefits, as you've done. Maybe you could mention even more of them...reach more customers quicker / easier / for less ££s etc.

    Perhaps inject a little curiousity too...at the start insert 'Discover How You Can Reach' etc.

    Other than that, you're on the right track.

    Curiosity angle, definitely a route to take. Much appreciated Tim


    Originally Posted by angiecolee View Post
    I don't think you've found a unique enough pain point. I've seen that ad phrased a hundred different ways, and probably even exactly word for word. Benefits are definitely a better selling point than features in my mind, but that benefit has been done to death.

    Just a case of digging out that unique benefit that hasn't been repeated a thousand times before. Avoid the cliche, good tip - thanks


    Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi View Post
    It's lame. Put some balls in it. And kill the "free quote" BS. Keep "Small Business Owners". Then be specific - "Jack's old website was making him £50k a year. After we re-designed it he's now making £500k a year. Fact. Let's do a number on yours. Ring now and get ready to ramp up your business".

    That's probably too long but you get the idea I'm sure. Money rings their bells.

    Not sure about this "tab tear" stuff. That looks decidedly downmarket. The url is short and sweet. They should remember it.

    Great name, great advice lol

    Tab tear posters were just a starter - I have 5000 flyers planned for the big offline 'push'. Just these few comments will really help with the creation of the flyers. Focus on the money, ring the bells. Thanks so much mate
  • Profile picture of the author KingOfContentMarketing
    KingOfContentMarketing
    Here are a couple promotions you may get some ideas from:

    David Frey's story of Car Spa:
    http://ezinearticles.com/?A-$40-Million-Dollar-Little-Known-Referral-Strategy&id=40508

    Lawrence Bernstein's report on a simple offer for beef sandwiches:
    Simple, Red Hot Offer
  • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
    Mark Andrews
    Originally Posted by SurrealPSD View Post

    I have 5000 flyers planned for the big offline 'push'. Just these few comments will really help with the creation of the flyers.
    Good advice from Mal above.

    On the subject of flyers, ditch them, they won't get read. Very little perceived value in them, they'll just be thrown away. Use postcards instead, the bigger the better.

    Ask Steve for advice...

    View Profile: Steve The Copywriter

    Smoking hot,


    Mark Andrews
  • Profile picture of the author arfasaira
    arfasaira
    Originally Posted by Mark Andrews View Post
    Good advice from Mal above.

    On the subject of flyers, ditch them, they won't get read. Very little perceived value in them, they'll just be thrown away. Use postcards instead, the bigger the better.

    Ask Steve for advice...

    View Profile: Steve The Copywriter

    Smoking hot,


    Mark Andrews
    I see you finally cracked under the pressure LOL!
  • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
    Mark Pescetti
    First of all...

    Flyers do work.

    I've made tons of money from them.

    It's just a matter of positioning them correctly (i.e. putting them in the right place.)

    Postcards can work well too.

    As can a straight-up direct response letter (if you have the right list or do your due diligence and find the right businesses to send your copy off to.)

    Mr. Mal Nazi is correct in what he told you.

    However...

    I would keep the free quote line - if you change the pricing on your website to say, "starting at."

    There's no reason to give a quote if your pricing is fairly black and white.

    Not every 5 page website is the same amount of work.

    You're damning yourself with your pricing.

    Likewise...

    You need to assert your authority (on your website and your flyer) for being able to help clients determine how big of a brochure/authority website they really need to become successful.

    You also need to know if a direct response campaign wouldn't be more effective and offer your services for sales letter sites too.

    But the bottom line is (as far as your flyer goes AND quite frankly your website...)

    You NEED to focus on specific monetary figures and generate fear inside your prospects for potentially leaving a ton of cash on the table.

    If you don't appeal to the business owner's desires to make bank, you won't either.

    Mark

    P.S. Here's a flyer I recently did for my Mom that is killing it - posting at Whole Foods:

    http://markpescetti.com/wp-content/u...copy-Flyer.png
  • Profile picture of the author SurrealPSD
    SurrealPSD
    Originally Posted by Moriarty View Post
    Wait a moment. We're all missing something. The website is answering a question - and is optimized for those people who put in that answer.

    Which is fine as far as it goes.

    Only how many stressed businessmen in Kent - or the Midlands, or the Netherlands - put in answers to their questions? Nobody does that. So start finding out what questions these people need answering, what's troubling them that your services answer.

    You have made as good a start as any with Your Questions Answered | Kentbiz - only each of those questions needs its own landing page. Each question needs optimizing for various streams of traffic (PPC/Social Media/Organic) and that means fleshing the question out and adding some of that copywriter's magic - the words that speak to your customer. Share their pain (pleasure, frustration, inability - whatever they're experiencing) and show them that you have an answer to that. 500-800 words is usually enough. That resonance will be a tonic for them.

    Oh, and each of your "learn more" could be specific to the issue at hand - not just a lead in to the "answers" page. Again, 500-800 words on what these things are and why they are important to someone who simply doesn't have time to run their business let alone a website on top. Plus their business is leaning dangerously so they don't have the money to invest the time let alone the money.

    Then they will come to your home page, see the options and find it interesting, useful.

    PS Each of your website examples could be used as a showpiece for an imaginary company.

    Sorry I missed your comment before Moriarty! I appreciate the angle you've suggested here.. SEO was never really an approach I thought about , because I didn't want to outrank the original web designers site. 'Your Questions Answered' just seemed a logical title for a page with general info.

    Beefing up the content would definitely draw in longtail searches, that are not regional specific - that's an option Im willing to look into for sure. Re-tool as a content site as opposed to a glorified business card.

    Still in the testing phase, but your feedback has been tremendously helpful.

    Much respect
  • Profile picture of the author Moriarty
    Moriarty
    Surreal PSD

    You're welcome. After all, its you that has to do all the footwork! Have fun and see those leads tumble in!
  • Profile picture of the author Steve The Copywriter
    Steve The Copywriter
    Hi Surreal,

    I had the honour of being mentioned earlier.

    If it would help, Pm me and I'll send you my "Secret Formula" in making phenomenal Postcards and fabulous Flyers work like magic creating spectacular profits.

    Hoping I haven't oversold the incredible value of them.

    Obviously this is top secret so don't mention it to anyone else...


    Steve
  • Profile picture of the author SurrealPSD
    SurrealPSD
    Originally Posted by Mark Pescetti View Post
    First of all...

    Flyers do work.

    I've made tons of money from them.

    It's just a matter of positioning them correctly (i.e. putting them in the right place.)

    Advice and example most helpful, appreciate the input

    Originally Posted by Mark Andrews View Post
    Good advice from Mal above.

    On the subject of flyers, ditch them, they won't get read. Very little perceived value in them, they'll just be thrown away. Use postcards instead, the bigger the better.

    Ask Steve for advice...

    View Profile: Steve The Copywriter

    Smoking hot,


    Mark Andrews

    Hey Mark.. I may give them a fair shot and see what transpires, do the numbers and then take it from there. Appreciate your perspective on this.

    Originally Posted by Joe Ditzel View Post
    Here are a couple promotions you may get some ideas from:

    David Frey's story of Car Spa:
    http://ezinearticles.com/?A-$40-Million-Dollar-Little-Known-Referral-Strategy&id=40508

    Lawrence Bernstein's report on a simple offer for beef sandwiches:
    Simple, Red Hot Offer

    Had a good read through those examples, thanks for the share!

    Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter View Post
    Hi Surreal,

    I had the honour of being mentioned earlier.

    If it would help, Pm me and I'll send you my "Secret Formula" in making phenomenal Postcards and fabulous Flyers work like magic creating spectacular profits.

    Hoping I haven't oversold the incredible value of them.

    Obviously this is top secret so don't mention it to anyone else...


    Steve

    Interesting, sent a PM. Look forward to hearing back from you
  • Profile picture of the author max5ty
    max5ty
    Here's a good flyer.

  • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
    Mark Andrews
    Originally Posted by SurrealPSD View Post

    Hey Mark.. I may give them a fair shot and see what transpires, do the numbers and then take it from there. Appreciate your perspective on this.
    No problem, you're more than welcome.

    Although I'm going to disagree with Mark Pescetti just ever so slightly because he, unlike us, doesn't live in the UK.

    Yes, flyers can work but chances are, they're not going to work anywhere as near as good as post cards. Why not?

    Because as you're no doubt more than well aware, here in the UK we're absolutely inundated with flyers advertising this, that, and the other all the time. And what do we all generally speaking do with those flyers which constantly come through the letterbox daily or by the dozen fall out the newspaper or a magazine we've bought? Yep, we barely give them a second look chucking them all straight in the bin where they belong.

    I mean, when was the last time you not only looked closely at a flyer but took the call to action? I bet it was a long time ago if ever. In other words, they've well and truly been done to death in this country. They've simply lost their effectiveness compared to other marketing channels.

    Aside, there are far more cost effective methods available to you today to market your business which can generate a much higher response and conversion rate. Post cards are excellent for this. Why? Because of this nations love affair with the postcard which goes back generations. It's something we all here tend to value much more highly. It's a lot more personal for starters.

    Seriously ask Steve for his thoughts on this and I'm pretty darn sure he'll convince you, bring you round to this particular marketing model. Benefit for you? Lower costs, more responses, a better conversion rate, more profit in your pocket. Think about it.

    Smoking hot,


    Mark Andrews
  • Profile picture of the author Steve The Copywriter
    Steve The Copywriter
    Excellent points Mark.

    Surreal now has my precise thoughts confirming all this on my even more improved "Secret Formula" (in making Postcards and Flyers work like magic... yes, yes Steve we get the point...)

    Hoping he'll create a breathtakingly profitable Postcard.

    I have to say I liked the Flyer the other Mark did for his mom (wonder if he'll do it on a Postcard?).

    Steve
  • Profile picture of the author SurrealPSD
    SurrealPSD
    What can I say.. Steve the Copywriter just gave me the complete breakdown. The advice was so good, I'll even be implementing a lot of the principles on my site also. Again, thanks so much Steve.

    Mark, Im warming to the postcard idea. With the flyers, I weren't planning on 'carpet-bombing', I was going to drop them into small businesses personally (mainly salons, nail bars, garages, coffee shops, B&Bs etc..) Hopefully that approach will increase the validity of the flyer, and enable me to use more copy with the available space.

    Don't think Ive engaged in such a useful thread in all my time here, truly the thinking mans (and ladies!) corner of WF
  • Profile picture of the author deezn
    deezn
    Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter View Post
    Hi Surreal,

    I had the honour of being mentioned earlier.

    If it would help, Pm me and I'll send you my "Secret Formula" in making phenomenal Postcards and fabulous Flyers work like magic creating spectacular profits.

    Hoping I haven't oversold the incredible value of them.

    Obviously this is top secret so don't mention it to anyone else...


    Steve
    Did you just get inundated with a bunch of PMs?
  • Profile picture of the author Steve The Copywriter
    Steve The Copywriter
    Lol,

    I did say it was "Top Secret"

    But yes!

    Because so many people want to try "pure advertising"

    Ink on bits of card.

    Perfect.

    I so nearly managed to type this thread without saying, when they're done well - how cost effective, fun and immensely profitable Postcards and Flyers are.


    Steve



    P.S. Don't worry there's absolutely no "touting" on the formula. It's for people who want to create their own Postcards or Flyers.
  • Profile picture of the author SpankinNewbie
    SpankinNewbie
    Originally Posted by SurrealPSD View Post
    Hi Guys

    Do you think Ive gone 'overkill', by focusing exclusively on the benefits as opposed to the service features; or would you argue even more could be done?
    I just want to give an honest critique here.

    I know a lot of small business owners. Some are tech savvy but most aren't. They don't spend all day online learning the latest SEO techniques and site optimisation. They are busy unstopping toilets and baking cakes and fixing automobiles.

    You probably won't reach these people online anyway but if you do you need to get rid of the geek-speak and speak plain and to the point.

    If I were one of them and found your site I would probably respond with:

    "Reach More Customers with an Optimised Website"

    What is an optimised website?

    Also, do you know how many marketing companies use the term "Reach More Customers"?

    Well, I don't either but I've seen that same headline thousands of times.

    I would go with "What if You Could Get 97% of the Business in Your Area?" Then explain how 97% are searching online for local services and how a site ranking in Google and Yahoo and Bing have more of a chance of capturing those customers etc...

    That headline would grab any business owner's attention!

    "Our great looking websites are designed with a lean approach, and one thing in mind: to generate enquiries! Build trust and outperform larger competitors with a cost effective, lead generating website."

    (Side note: an enquiry is someone who calls a business and wastes their time trying to get free answers or who is just price shopping--same thing with the word lead--)

    Try this:"Your website will get your phones ringing and customers walking through your doors." Then explain how.

    "All new sites include Free Hosting & .co.uk domain for 1 year, as well as Google Listing, Webmaster Tools, Google Analytics, XML site map. Everything you need to reach your local audience and beyond."

    What? Don't care.

    Instead:"Your website will work perfectly out of the box so don't worry about all the technical stuff." Then explain in layman's terms how you make this happen.

    "If and when you decide to expand your online campaign, there are plenty of options for taking your site to the next level. An improved Google ranking is guaranteed to increase your enquiries. We can help you with that."

    What? You just told me that "Our great looking websites are designed with a lean approach, and one thing in mind: to generate enquiries! Build trust and outperform larger competitors with a cost effective, lead generating website"

    Why would I need to expand to the next level? My customers already trust me.

    Instead:"Your website will grow with you as your business grows." Then explain how.

    This is just my opinion. Take it with a grain of salt.

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