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I would love your feedback on my Copy

by andrew zirkin
11 replies
Hello Copywriters,


I am doing my first launch as a WSO. I have been studying and doing some Copywriting projects for a year or so now so I probably still suck.


Yet I have revised the copy 3 times my launch partner liked it but we both feel it is way too long. I have run it through the checklist above and added all of what I thought was relevant. Then I spent another week rewriting the copy.


So as far as feedback the best would be get rid of this part because. Or this could be better because or change this because. This way I can fix if for the launch. Also if there are any glaring errors i.e. you are missing, etc.


Thank You very much for your feedback.


You can see the current copy at:
(33) Sales Page Sample
PS Ignore the formatting as it will all be redone once the copy is final.


You can leave the feedback here are send it as a private message.
#copy #feedback #love
  • Profile picture of the author fated82
    Your header, sub header and first 2 paragrah doesn't get my attention. You do not have proper punctuation in your copy. My advice is for you to invest in a professional copywriter. I don't think this copy would work.
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  • Profile picture of the author cindytsmile
    I am a new kid on the block.. but I think I can help you out with this. I see what you are trying to say and I think I can help you to say it. If you are interested, let me know.

    I might be willing to help out for free in exchange for a review.
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  • Profile picture of the author DavidG
    Your headline, subheadline and lead are all promises.

    You need to squeeze in proof because peeps will immediately become skeptical by then and probably click off.

    You could add those SS of your #1 spot somewhere near.

    Also - re-word your headline because I personally get confused. I like that it's a question because it lowers the skeptic inside of me and it sounds like you're about to reveal something, but I'm not sure what you mean.
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  • Profile picture of the author andrew zirkin
    Awesome feedback so far Thank you for your help. As for the punctuation it's not my strong point and it will be revised when I get this cut down more. Yet thank you again everyone for the feedback so far.

    I have also worked with Professional copywriters before and may this time but I do love copywriting and want to get it as close as possible before getting a pro and I want to get better at the craft.
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    Kindle Success w/o writing Kindle Wealth Formula
    Social Search Mastery Social Wealth Formula
    and Top SEO BrandSEO
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  • Profile picture of the author BudaBrit
    For me, it's very hard to understand...
    You're first body sentence is: "Now you don’t need to miss your cash machine. I’ve got you covered."

    What does that mean?
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  • Profile picture of the author Steve The Copywriter
    Hi Andrew,

    Just a few quick thoughts (in brackets) on the headline.

    Are You Missing 300 Million Hungry Repeat Buyers on Kindle?

    (Good curiosity. But it gets confusing if you say "Repeat Buyers" - do people feel they need to have 2 books? And only make money on the second one?

    And it's a yes/no answer. The obvious answer is yes. But never give the option of a no. Or in this case many may think "I don't care because it's a bit unreal - there's no way on earth me or anyone else will sell 300 million copies")

    Get The Secrets How You Hit #1 On Kindle and Not Even Write Your Book.
    (This on it's own is a good headline. It's got a slight stumble on the flow. And it doesn't really connect with your main headline)


    So might it work better if it was flipped.

    "Get The Real Secrets On How You'll Hit #1 On Kindle - Without Writing A Book!"

    And Grab Your Huge Share Of The Massive 300 Million Hungry Ready And Waiting Buyers


    Whatever headline you decide on - the body copy must immediately expand on it.


    Steve
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    http://www.warriorforum.com/warriors...right-now.html
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    • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
      3 Ideas, Andrew:

      1. You're going to have to differentiate your offer. Right now, you sound like everybody else--ONLY WORSE, because the copy isn't up to snuff.

      2. As others have accurately started to point out, the copy is not clear.

      3. This copy's far too wordy to be a WSO. Take a machete to it.

      Good luck,

      - Rick Duris
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
      Banned
      "Amazing - how you can have a #1 Hit on Kindle - without even writing a book!

      300 Million rabid readers can't wait to give you their money
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      • Profile picture of the author BudaBrit
        Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi View Post

        "Amazing - how you can have a #1 Hit on Kindle - without even writing a book!

        300 Million rabid readers can't wait to give you their money

        Now, you see, I'd read that.
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      • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
        I'm hitting 3 hot buttons...

        1 being a bestselling author

        2 lazy

        3 money

        And adding authority to be believed

        3 time Amazon #1 author reveals...
        Kindle Cash Formula:
        "Be A Bestseller Without Writing A Word"
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  • Profile picture of the author andrew zirkin
    Awesome Headline and copy repair ideas everyone Thank You. It will help me a lot this week to improve it. Also Thank You for the offers to help every bit is awesome. It the copy was ready for some outside perspective. I knew it was still off yet hard to see hwat, where and how to fix it from the inside.
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    Kindle Success w/o writing Kindle Wealth Formula
    Social Search Mastery Social Wealth Formula
    and Top SEO BrandSEO
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