Anyone want to give me some feedback on my 1st landing page?

pumped and clean, it should be fine ^_^

I'm not fun of "sales letter" web sites, but your looks quite ok.
I have always impression, that vendor wants to sell me something even I don't need it on sales letter sites.

Good is, that you use real people in videos ... video testimonials works better on such sites as written testimonials - you see real person behind it and you don't think testimonial was written by copy writer.

From my experiences, question of success is not just content of website, but also traffic you will be able to drive here.
Try to employ affiliates into this process and replicate your website for each affiliate and give commissions for new leads to your affiliates.

Yea - We haven't even touched the Page Title yet!!! I will get that fixed like tomorrow.....thanks though!!

It's not great in terms of how it's worded.

I figure if I have to read something twice to understand it then it's not crystal clear.

What you need to be aware of is that wedding planners are unlikely to be familiar with 'marketing lingo and technical internet lingo' so you need to state more explicitly in laymans terms what you are doing for them.

For example, when we say 'traffic' we understand what this means, but the average business person new to the web and marketing on the web won't know that traffic = people, readers and so on and that's a very small example.

Your language must be targeted at the reader and written in 'their language'.

Hope this helps.

Hi again Jason,

I love the way you're scooping up all the great feedback and cramming your sales site full of terrific salesmanship. Way to go!

Your target audience might not have even heard of those terms.

I would focus at this headline on the benefits, not the techniques.
"Learn ten ways to use free and low-cost Internet tools to turn the Web into your ultimate sales machine that works for you 24/7" or something along those lines.

Need an apostrophe: the book of Brad. Brad's book.
I'd take out e-book.
"free copy of Brad's 213 page step by step guidebook"

It's strange that using a video to sell to video makers, you have a series of still pictures. Shouldn't the video about selling wedding videos start with, well, some wedding videos?

Damn amazing, but incorrectly punctuated. Either "30 Million Dollar" or "$30 Million Empire". You might lose a lot of people thinking "unbelievable." I'd use the first year's result, and put in a more exciting word than "turned." How about, "catapulted a little $2,000 investment into a million dollar business... in just a year"?

I'd reorganize Here's What You Get section and take out the "learn."

• 2 day seminar on wedding video sales. Brad Fallon reveals not just what he did, but exactly how he did it - you get copies of all his online and offline ads, and scripts for all his techniques.
• Networking with other wedding professionals.
• Discount hotel lodging, and free breakfast even if you aren't staying at the hotel.
• How to get on the first page of Google.
• How to triple the number of website visitors you get, in just 90 days.
• How to turn more leads into sales.
• How to increase your profits per wedding by adding wedding items for sale... Brad's "secret weapon" to outperforming the competition even if the video costs less.

I'd leave out the Community College/Harvard analogy.

Talk a bit more about the emotions of the move and how it turned out to be worth your while.

Everything else looks terrific.

The ebook should have a clearer title, maybe "Brad Fallon's Customer Creation Guide.pdf."

Regards,
Allen

P.S. If you'd like to have someone review the event handouts/videos on a nondisclosure basis, I'd be happy to do that for you.

Leah, you posted while I was typing. Thanks for jumping in and reinforcing the need to be jargon-free for the layman.

Regards,
Allen

Thanks Allen,

I have taken all of your suggestions into consideration and will implement some of your ideas on my next revision. I really appreciate you taking the tome to give me some expert pointers. One thing though.....This conference is not just for "Wedding Videographers" It is actually for ANYONE in the wedding industry (DJs, Limo Companies, Photographers, Planners, etc...)

Thanks Again!!

-Jason Hennessey

Jason, do you plan to emphasize that in the copy? Will you have a different sales pitch for each audience, or send 'em all to the same promotion?

Regards,
Allen

Well the landing page is designed to target ALL Wedding Vendors.

Pre-Header
Did You Know That 84% Of Today's Brides Are
Relying On The Internet To Plan Their Wedding?

Header:
"Finally, an Internet Marketing Expert that Shares His Private Tactics for Staying On Top of Google & Teaches You Ways to Book More Weddings 100% Guaranteed!"

Sub-Header
Introducing: The First & Only Internet Marketing Conference tailored to Wedding Professionals. Everything you always wanted to know about SEO, Pay Per Click, Auto Responders, Internet Video, etc... All in an interactive Q&A Classroom Environment with SEO & Internet Marketing Guru Brad Fallon.

I keyed in the request for the e-book and the number of pages seemed to reduce. Also those fields for first name and e-mail disappeared.

My suggestion is to clean the site up a bit. I just feel like I'm weeding through a forest or something.

You want visitors to feel as though they've just sat down in their favorite, comfy chair and something has gotten their attention to the point they can't move their eyes until the event has ended.

When I look at your copy, I feel a bit overwhelmed. There just seems to be so much stuff added before the copy even starts.

Just something to think about when making your revisions.

I like the page in general.

I noticed you are giving something for free, but the word "free" is not highlighted or noticeable in any way. I noticed the $24.95 right away, so I thought that was the price, but then later I noticed the "free". Make FREE a more prominent text for the form.

Hi Jason,

It's a nicely put together page,
and crammed full of content...

But... as a squeeze page I'd bet
tomorrow's breakfast that it would
convert more with a single video,
a handful of bullets and an opt-in,
all above the fold.

And conversions are the point
here right?

Hope that helps

-David Raybould

Hi,

Overall it looks pretty good but I do have a few suggestions for improvements. I personally would move the video and optin form a little higher on the page. I can see it above the fold fine but I have a 22" screen set at the highest resolution. Some viewers may have to scroll to see it which is not preferred. Also the intro may seem a little busy to the non-IM crowd with all the subheads.

As some others have pointed out, the lingo may be somewhat confusing to non-marketers. I suggest possibly looking at forums or blogs where your potential customers would hang out and get a feel for their lingo and concerns. You coudl even look at magazines or trade journals. I have found this to be a big help when trying to identify with a market a may not be familiar with. Hope that helps.

Barry

Thanks for all the GREAT feedback. I really appreciate everyone's expertise....

Re-creating the pages as we speak!!

Thanks

-Jason Hennessey

I would put the video and opt in box above the fold, usually helps.

I agree with Christie Love, perfectly stated...great concept

KB

I think it looks great! Well organised, nicely laid out, and colours are coded well to make nice and easy reading - good stuff

I would put in a bit more white space above the fold, if you could. It's overwhelming with all the copy, the colors, etc.

Also, it should be: "Register Now and receive your FREE copy of Brad's 213 page e-book..."

The opt-in has "absolutely" spelled wrong.

Good content, nice videos...and great idea.

Melody

OK - I have taken a few of your suggestions for the BUY NOW Page....

and this is what I have come up with!!

WeddingIMC Confirmation

Like always - Feedback is always welcome and much appreciated!!

Have a FREE eBook as my Thanks

A good sales copy It could be improved by using better graphics.

Thanks tgk - Are you talking about the Opt-In Page or the Buy Now page?

Maybe it would be a good idea to split the thread, to have one for feedback for the Opt-In and another for the Buy Now.

About the Opt-in, the page is long. And there are only two points to opt-in. At the very top and the very bottom. I think you should add the form again after the credibility section (you have the videos, I believe the guy is the real deal, let me opt-in right there), but they have to keep scrolling down to see the form again. I think there should be an exit point for the readers right there. The credibility has been established, why not let the fill out the form right there?