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Copywriting Advice Required-worthy cause?

by Jim Burney
14 replies
Hi fellow Warriors,

Advice required please.

My 17 year old daughter is taking a gap year beginning mid/late 2009. She is using her time to look after and teach disabled children in Uganda.

She will require sponsorship for this project.

Chill Out Everybody,
I am not asking for donations (not yet anyway).

Danielle is going to be writing to various organisations and individuals asking for their support.

So why this post?

We need some assistance in coming up with a letter/brochure that will get organisations to commit to helping her cause. A very worthy one in my very humble opinion.

Any suggestions would be most welcome.

My input: I could do some mundane tasks for anybody responding and who requires it. ie proof reading, install scripts etc.

Thanks in advance

Jim
#advice #copywriting #requiredworthy
  • Profile picture of the author John_S
    Turn this into an opportunity for the contributing companies to gain something.

    PBS telethons get 'voluteers' from companies, by positioning sponsorship as an opportunity to get advertising and PR. The host mentions the volunteers from XYZ company are standing by.

    With blogs and video and such, there's no reason this couldn't be packaged as a promotion opportunity. However you've got to do an expert job of packaging. It's no different from anything else, explain what's in it for your sponsor.
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    • Profile picture of the author colmodwyer
      How much does she need?

      It wasn't so long ago that I was in school and folks doing similar kind of activities raised funds by doing jumbo sales, sponsored walks etc... One girl sold cakes (that she had baked, and supplied by friends from the supermarket or whatever) each week at school during lunch.

      If her gap year is relevant to what she plans on doing at Uni then she could probably get a company to fund her by commiting to them after she gets her degree.

      On the subject or copywriting specifically, there is a really good sales letter for you to look at on Bruce Barton's wiki page; it should give you (or your daughter) a good idea what strings need a pulling... Boo-yah -> Bruce Fairchild Barton - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

      Colm
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      • Profile picture of the author zapseo
        Nice suggestion, Colm.

        Great piece of writing.

        Seriously.

        So I only want to cautiously suggest that you, Jim, also consider that lengthier letters (in this context) may not do as well.

        Why?

        Because people are in a hurry. They are busy. They are bombarded.

        You might, to get the attention of the people in the organization, do the following:

        Find out the name of the specific, relevant, person to whom the letter will be written, and, (duh!) write it, personally.

        Also, you might additionally look into the concept of "lumpy" mail. While it's over-used in getting JVs, apparently (though I'm sure still somewhat effective) -- among organizations not used to getting lumpy mail, it can be hugely effective.

        In advertising, it's AIDA -- lumpy mail aims at that first A -- getting their attention.
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        • Profile picture of the author Jim Burney
          John, Colm and Zapseo

          Thank you for your input. Much appreciated.

          Danielle does not know that I have wrote this post.

          Just doing my best to help her along.

          She does have plenty of ideas for raising funds. Some are just like you have suggested Colm.

          Perhaps now is the time to test my copywriting skills.

          Thanks

          Jim
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          • Profile picture of the author dorothydot
            Use realistic scenarios, a la Montello. Make the situation vivid and your daughter's solution powerful.

            The more your readers can identify and visualize the problem, the deeper they'll be willing to dig to support your daughter's most worthy efforts.

            I'd be proud to write for you and your daughter. She's doing something that I once contemplated doing and never did - I envy her the memories she'll be making and the life-lessons she'll be learning.

            Please let me help? You can see samples of my writing on my copywriting website.

            Sincerely,
            Dot Pecson
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            "Sell the Magic of A Dream"
            www.DP-Copywriting-Service.com

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            • Profile picture of the author byronwrites
              I agree that this is truly a worthy venture.

              Companies and Corps love promote their community involvement. It is amazing the amount of pressure in the front offices to make sure everyone is pushing their altruistic side.

              If it were me, this is the button I'd push. I'd tell them why I was going. I'd try to win over someone at the Chamber (they would know who to contact in the local business community, it's sort of their job). If I could get one major contributor, I'd make sure they all knew about it. Businesses hate to be topped at anything.
              If possible I'd give them a way to keep keep track of my experiences (blog, email newsletter, ect [if internet access is not available I'd snail it back to someone who could post or phone I'd them in]). For some reason technology amazes these folks. I think they are dumbstruck by it's potential.

              Make the sponsors look good, let them blow their horn, and believe me they have money for something like this.

              Good luck and congratulations for raising such thoughtful child.
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              • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
                Spend a few bucks and get Herschel Gordon Lewis' book "On the Art of Writing Copy". It has a chapter devoted to writing fund raising letters with lots of swipes and great content. And you get the "4 Rules of Fund-Raising Copy".

                For everyone responding to you, ask them how much funds they have raised for their charity before taking their advice.
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                • Profile picture of the author dorothydot
                  Sorry - didn't realize this was a thread for experts-only. My response was based on successful letters I've received and studied.

                  Just trying to help. No harm meant - when I want advice, I usually ask as many people as I can - then take their answers, evaluate them and select what sounds best to me.

                  It's called research. The more, the better.
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                  • Profile picture of the author colmodwyer
                    Yeah Bruce,

                    You forgot to mention how much you've made for charity...

                    Colm
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                    • Profile picture of the author Jim Burney
                      Originally Posted by colmodwyer View Post

                      Yeah Bruce,

                      You forgot to mention how much you've made for charity...

                      Colm

                      Hi warriors

                      Thank you so much for your replies. You have all given me some ideas and I appreciate that.

                      Best

                      Jim

                      BTW I have sent Bruce a PM asking that same question. (tongue in cheek of course)
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                      • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
                        Gosh, all the "experts" are so touchy. The advice I offered him was not how to write fund raising copy, like you guys, but where to read from someone that has.

                        Good "Research" does not consist of asking every joe on the street, his opinion. Do you think that medical researchers take a clipboard down to the sidewalk and start asking passers by the best way to cure cancer?

                        Lastly, because you got a piece in the mail, does not in any way mean it worked.
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                        • Profile picture of the author Jim Burney
                          Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding View Post

                          Gosh, all the "experts" are so touchy. The advice I offered him was not how to write fund raising copy, like you guys, but where to read from someone that has.

                          Good "Research" does not consist of asking every joe on the street, his opinion. Do you think that medical researchers take a clipboard down to the sidewalk and start asking passers by the best way to cure cancer?

                          Lastly, because you got a piece in the mail, does not in any way mean it worked.
                          Bruce

                          Firstly, you spelt my name wrong above.The correct spelling is Jim!

                          I am asking questions in the Warrior copywriting forum.

                          Not from any Tom, Dick or Harry in the street.(or even Joe)

                          So in my opinion all replies are welcome.

                          What I do with the information is my concern.

                          Once again, thank you to everybody that has taken the time to post a reply.

                          Jim
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                          • Profile picture of the author Collette
                            Jim - Can you give a few more details about her project?

                            How much does she need?
                            What's the money going to be used for (specifically)?
                            How long will the project last?
                            Is this a 'one-off' project, or will she be able to leave some kind of lasting infrastructure in place?
                            Is she going solo, or does she have special expertise or expert back up to support the premise that she can actually do what she wants to do?

                            Not trying to be harsh here, just trying to build a persuasive case for her...
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                            • Profile picture of the author Jim Burney
                              Originally Posted by Collette View Post

                              Jim - Can you give a few more details about her project?

                              How much does she need?
                              What's the money going to be used for (specifically)?
                              How long will the project last?
                              Is this a 'one-off' project, or will she be able to leave some kind of lasting infrastructure in place?
                              Is she going solo, or does she have special expertise or expert back up to support the premise that she can actually do what she wants to do?

                              Not trying to be harsh here, just trying to build a persuasive case for her...
                              Hi Collette,

                              Thank you for your interest.

                              Very good questions. Perhaps I should have explained more about Danielle's work earlier.

                              To keep this post to the point I have added a link in my sig. that will explain all or most of what you asked.

                              Of course all others are welcome to visit the link and provide more input here on the WF.

                              Best regards everyone

                              Jim
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