Need Help With Sales Letter

kulwantnagi

11 years ago

Your page is already looking awesome..

Thanks

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RogozRazvan

11 years ago

Hello Chris,

From time to time you see a site that actually makes sense

. This is one of them. Congratulations.

Maybe there are some things not covered:
* Who will take care of my site?
* Is it easy to use?
*Why is it a direct response site or what's the difference between a DR and non DR site?
* A subtitle to the photo to know where and how it was taken.
* Better price justification - especially if they've used low quality solutions before.

Good job!
Razvan

Thanks

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ThomasOMalley

11 years ago

I would still add other sections to your website. These sections should include Who We Work With, How We Work, About Us, Contact Us, Case Studies/Testimonials.

Best,

Thomas O'Malley

Thanks

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Raydal

11 years ago

I don't understand your price strike through in the price
button. Are you saying that the lower deals have already
gone? ($497 etc.) And if they are why show them? You
want to prospect think they are getting a deal.

-Ray Edwards

Thanks
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Chris Cho

11 years ago

Originally Posted by kulwantnagi

Your page is already looking awesome..

Thanks! But I still want a hard kick in the ass.

Originally Posted by RogozRazvan

Hello Chris,

From time to time you see a site that actually makes sense

. This is one of them. Congratulations.

Maybe there are some things not covered:
* Who will take care of my site?
* Is it easy to use?
*Why is it a direct response site or what's the difference between a DR and non DR site?
* A subtitle to the photo to know where and how it was taken.
* Better price justification - especially if they've used low quality solutions before.

Good job!
Razvan

Thanks Rogoz, can you elaborate on it? like who will take care of my site? is it easy to us? why is it a direct response website? a subtitle?

***especially price justification. what do you mean?

if you can write me a quick paragraph I WOULD REALLLLLY appericate it.

Thanks! =)

Originally Posted by ThomasOMalley

I would still add other sections to your website. These sections should include Who We Work With, How We Work, About Us, Contact Us, Case Studies/Testimonials.

Best,

Thomas O'Malley

I definitely will. I was planning to but we just got busy. But thanks for the reminder. We did save 30+ testimonials so that's going to be killer. also add portfolio site.

Thanks, awesome advice!

Originally Posted by Raydal

I don't understand your price strike through in the price
button. Are you saying that the lower deals have already
gone? ($497 etc.) And if they are why show them? You
want to prospect think they are getting a deal.

-Ray Edwards

Dam Ray, you're on point!

I was thinking more like WSO where we show that the price is slowly going up if they dont get it now. yano?

But your input def makes more sense.

Gracias!

Thanks

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Chris Cho

11 years ago

Guys, thanks for the compliments but the reason I made this thread was to get HELP and IMPROVE my copy.

I know my copy can get better. PLEASE help a brotha out! =)

Thanks
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Robert_Rand 11 years ago

Originally Posted by Chris Cho

I know my copy can get better. PLEASE help a brotha out! =)

OK

Frankly, I think the whole thing is weak and way too thin for a $2,000 offer.

First off, you need a better opening. You never really engage or open the conversation.

Let them know you understand them, that they're talking someone who gets it. "If you're like most real estate investors then you've probably driven around your town putting up ugly, homemade "we buy houses" signs in the wee hours of the morning. And sure, they can work surprisingly well but what if..."

Or whatever, you need some kind of hook which will inevitably give you a better headline.

You get to the testimonials too quick. And they need to be stronger and more credible - each one carrying its' own headline. Too much of a going through the motions feel.

"Here's A Deal For You!" No. Just no

All those bonuses... you need to sell those. Not just place a price value on them.

Bottom line is you need to sell a lot more and a lot harder.

And one of the easiest things to sell is money at a discount. I'd be doing a whole lot of that throughout the entire piece. Get the greed glands flowing.

Sell the value of leads and you indirectly sell the value of your offer. "Imagine just doing one extra tiny 5k wholesale deal per week"

Check out what good copy in your market looks like and immerse yourself in it. Here's one example: Ron LeGrand, real estate course, real estate training, make money with real estate, no money down real estate, foreclosure training, make money with foreclosures, ron legrand, courses in real estate, how to flip houses, real estate course, real estat

Cheers,
Robert
- Thanks
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travlinguy

11 years ago

Impressive site. Attractive. Clean. But there was nothing there that even got close to making me think I needed to spend two grand. I'm having a site built now that I'd put up against your samples and I'll be out of pocket one tenth of your price. And that's with some custom programming included. I think you've got a lot more convincing to do if you want to float this boat. Good luck.

Thanks
2 replies

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Chris Cho

11 years ago

Originally Posted by travlinguy

Impressive site. Attractive. Clean. But there was nothing there that even got close to making me think I needed to spend two grand. I'm having a site built now that I'd put up against your samples and I'll be out of pocket one tenth of your price. And that's with some custom programming included. I think you've got a lot more convincing to do if you want to float this boat. Good luck.

I hear you but I've sold the same package for $500, $1000, $2000. you can't really say "I'd put up against your samples and I'll be out of pocket one tenth of your price." since everyone basically can make things cheaper. It just depends on your niche and how much they are willing to spend.

But yea for "I think you've got a lot more convincing to do if you want to float this boat." what do you have in mind that can do more convincing? I'd love to know.

Thanks for the help! =)

Originally Posted by WeavingThoughts

Best of luck with the sales.

yup yup, gracias

Thanks

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Raydal

11 years ago

Originally Posted by travlinguy

Impressive site. Attractive. Clean. But there was nothing there that even got close to making me think I needed to spend two grand. I'm having a site built now that I'd put up against your samples and I'll be out of pocket one tenth of your price. And that's with some custom programming included. I think you've got a lot more convincing to do if you want to float this boat. Good luck.

Then you don't understand the real estate market. These people
make $5,000 on selling a house $2K is nothing for them to plunge
into a website. You have to adjust your price according to the
market you are in.

-Ray Edwards

Thanks
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travlinguy

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Raydal

Then you don't understand the real estate market. These people
make $5,000 on selling a house $2K is nothing for them to plunge
into a website. You have to adjust your price according to the
market you are in.

-Ray Edwards

I closed more than 60 real estate transactions in four years flipping houses in the 1990s. It was all I did. I wrote a book about it that actually did very well. So I do have a true, personal understanding of the market. Real estate investors live and die by the "deal," getting things wholesale. Not a single guy in the group I dealt with regularly would even consider paying retail for anything unless there was no other way.

And just because people are raking it in doesn't mean they're not hip to the cost of things. Why would anyone, regardless of how much money they have, spend $2000 for a site when they could get the same thing or better for 1/4 the cost or less? The only answer I can come up with is ignorance.

To the OP: I think you need more samples. Websites are more a visual sale than a bunch of words. I looked at your testimonials and they meant nothing to me. You're going to have to justify your price explaining functionality, features, the benefits of your sites over others. I don't know. You say you've been closing high end sales. What did you do to get those?

Thanks
2 replies

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Chris Cho

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Raydal

Then you don't understand the real estate market. These people
make $5,000 on selling a house $2K is nothing for them to plunge
into a website. You have to adjust your price according to the
market you are in.

-Ray Edwards

Yup, you're dead on. 100k profit on one deal. I dont think 2k means much.

Originally Posted by Robert_Rand

OK

Frankly, I think the whole thing is weak and way too thin for a $2,000 offer.

First off, you need a better opening. You never really engage or open the conversation.

Let them know you understand them, that they're talking someone who gets it. "If you're like most real estate investors then you've probably driven around your town putting up ugly, homemade "we buy houses" signs in the wee hours of the morning. And sure, they can work surprisingly well but what if..."

Or whatever, you need some kind of hook which will inevitably give you a better headline.

You get to the testimonials too quick. And they need to be stronger and more credible - each one carrying its' own headline. Too much of a going through the motions feel.

"Here's A Deal For You!" No. Just no

All those bonuses... you need to sell those. Not just place a price value on them.

Bottom line is you need to sell a lot more and a lot harder.

And one of the easiest things to sell is money at a discount. I'd be doing a whole lot of that throughout the entire piece. Get the greed glands flowing.

Sell the value of leads and you indirectly sell the value of your offer. "Imagine just doing one extra tiny 5k wholesale deal per week"

Check out what good copy in your market looks like and immerse yourself in it. Here's one example: Ron LeGrand, real estate course, real estate training, make money with real estate, no money down real estate, foreclosure training, make money with foreclosures, ron legrand, courses in real estate, how to flip houses, real estate course, real estat

Cheers,
Robert

Damn Robert, that had to be ONE OF THE BEST ADVICES so far in 2013!!! very straight up and def made some good pointers.

Did you write a copy for a wholesaler/real estate investor before? seems like you really know the niche. Did you write Ron's copy on the link you attached?

You're THE MAN!!! THANKS AGAIN!

Originally Posted by travlinguy

I closed more than 60 real estate transactions in four years flipping houses in the 1990s. It was all I did. I wrote a book about it that actually did very well. So I do have a true, personal understanding of the market. Real estate investors live and die by the "deal," getting things wholesale. Not a single guy in the group I dealt with regularly would even consider paying retail for anything unless there was no other way.

And just because people are raking it in doesn't mean they're not hip to the cost of things. Why would anyone, regardless of how much money they have, spend $2000 for a site when they could get the same thing or better for 1/4 the cost or less? The only answer I can come up with is ignorance.

To the OP: I think you need more samples. Websites are more a visual sale than a bunch of words. I looked at your testimonials and they meant nothing to me. You're going to have to justify your price explaining functionality, features, the benefits of your sites over others. I don't know. You say you've been closing high end sales. What did you do to get those?

"Not a single guy in the group I dealt with regularly would even consider paying retail for anything unless there was no other way."

haha yea I agree. wholesalers are ALWAYS TRYING TO GET DEALS.

"I don't know. You say you've been closing high end sales. What did you do to get those?"

with the same sales page I'm showing you. I'm just trying to make it work better. people I'm pitching this to are people who've been on my list and built a relationship by giving them a lot of valuable info.

So enough about what I cant do... what can I do?

Thanks
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Robert_Rand

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Chris Cho

Damn Robert, that had to be ONE OF THE BEST ADVICES so far in 2013!!! very straight up and def made some good pointers.

Did you write a copy for a wholesaler/real estate investor before? seems like you really know the niche. Did you write Ron's copy on the link you attached?

You're THE MAN!!! THANKS AGAIN!

Yes, I'm familiar with the niche. Back in my early 20's I was looking for a bizop and tried lots of things, including Real Estate Investing. I even ordered hundreds of we buy houses signs so I do know how well they work

I made some money but it was way too many headaches for what I was looking for. I'm sure I could have done a lot of things better (what Ron teaches) but I ultimately got into online marketing which was a better fit for me.

No I didn't write Ron's copy haha (cool dude though, I like him) Oddly enough I actually did almost work with Ron's arch enemy. (If you know his history you can probably guess who it is.) We had a meeting at his house on the water, very successful guy... but it didn't go anywhere because I more or less didn't believe in what he was doing and didn't think it'd work.

I have written copy in this niche before... well, sort of. I ended up becoming friends with the founder of the real estate investors association in my area. He was killing it, doing lots of wholesale deals month in and month out, but when the market turned his business fell apart. I wrote copy for him that pitched a new bizop. It did well, but I don't really take credit for it because he had a great reputation and rapport with his list and the people in the area.

By the way, does your offer include the copy? If it does you definitely want to stress that. I mean really stress it, position it as the secret sauce. And if doesn't include it, then consider adding it as it seems like you've already created it.

Picture this: at the left end of the spectrum you have "designs" and then at the right end of the spectrum you have a proven "turn key" deal making machine. You want to position your offer as far to the right as possible.

Also, I'd add a caption under that picture. Sounds minor, but beyond headlines, captions are one of the most read pieces of copy.

Consider how you can position yourself as an insider who's figured out how to change the game. Possibly even tying in that pic to your story along with some of the testimonials...

Cheers,
Robert

Thanks
1 reply

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Chris Cho

11 years ago

Thanks Robert, YOU'RE THE MAN!!!

Anyone else?
(thank you all. already got more than what I wanted from this thread.)

Originally Posted by Robert_Rand

Yes, I'm familiar with the niche. Back in my early 20's I was looking for a bizop and tried lots of things, including Real Estate Investing. I even ordered hundreds of we buy houses signs so I do know how well they work

I made some money but it was way too many headaches for what I was looking for. I'm sure I could have done a lot of things better (what Ron teaches) but I ultimately got into online marketing which was a better fit for me.

No I didn't write Ron's copy haha (cool dude though, I like him) Oddly enough I actually did almost work with Ron's arch enemy. (If you know his history you can probably guess who it is.) We had a meeting at his house on the water, very successful guy... but it didn't go anywhere because I more or less didn't believe in what he was doing and didn't think it'd work.

I have written copy in this niche before... well, sort of. I ended up becoming friends with the founder of the real estate investors association in my area. He was killing it, doing lots of wholesale deals month in and month out, but when the market turned his business fell apart. I wrote copy for him that pitched a new bizop. It did well, but I don't really take credit for it because he had a great reputation and rapport with his list and the people in the area.

By the way, does your offer include the copy? If it does you definitely want to stress that. I mean really stress it, position it as the secret sauce. And if doesn't include it, then consider adding it as it seems like you've already created it.

Picture this: at the left end of the spectrum you have "designs" and then at the right end of the spectrum you have a proven "turn key" deal making machine. You want to position your offer as far to the right as possible.

Also, I'd add a caption under that picture. Sounds minor, but beyond headlines, captions are one of the most read pieces of copy.

Consider how you can position yourself as an insider who's figured out how to change the game. Possibly even tying in that pic to your story along with some of the testimonials...

Cheers,
Robert

Thanks

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Raydal

11 years ago

Originally Posted by travlinguy

I closed more than 60 real estate transactions in four years flipping houses in the 1990s. It was all I did. I wrote a book about it that actually did very well. So I do have a true, personal understanding of the market. Real estate investors live and die by the "deal," getting things wholesale. Not a single guy in the group I dealt with regularly would even consider paying retail for anything unless there was no other way.

I knew that I phrased that wrong. "You" statements are always
dangerous.

I wasn't questioning your knowledge. I don't know you that
well. But I was just saying that I know many real estate
agents who pay multiple thousands for websites I consider
they could have paid less for. But we are in a different
market. What the average Warrior would consider "basic"
other business people will consider "brilliant".

All I was trying to say was that in the RE market they pay
handsomely for advertising because they know that if it's
effective, they would make a killing.

-Ray Edwards

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travlinguy

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Raydal

I knew that I phrased that wrong. "You" statements are always
dangerous.

I wasn't questioning your knowledge. I don't know you that
well. But I was just saying that I know many real estate
agents who pay multiple thousands for websites I consider
they could have paid less for. But we are in a different
market. What the average Warrior would consider "basic"
other business people will consider "brilliant".

All I was trying to say was that in the RE market they pay
handsomely for advertising because they know that if it's
effective, they would make a killing.

-Ray Edwards

I didn't take it personally. Having mingled with many heavy hitters I've seen those who throw money around like drunken sailors but that's not typical, not when it comes to their business persona anyway. Their private lives are another story. The most successful investor I know had one of the first Websites I ever visited back in the 90s. And he still has the same site with very few changes. It's the poster child for ugly sites. But people see past that because it's the information this guy offers that's important to them. And again, I realize this guy isn't typical either.

I think what's at issue here is the "idea" people have about this mysterious real estate tycoon. I'm reminded of the flashy, hype-driven MMO sales pages of yesteryear with fancy sports cars, mansions, bikini babes and swirling cash everywhere. That's often what certain segments of the MMO and other markets think of when it comes to success online. But obviously that's so far from the truth it's ridiculous. Most online entrepreneurs are just like anyone else.

I think the same is true with real estate investors (tycoons) and many other groups. There's the perceived image and then the real person. I think the OP has perhaps misjudged who his market really is. Are there $2000 Website clients out there? Sure. But I'd bet there are far more genuine real estate investors who would be fine with what I described in a previous post, a site that's clean and functional. I've yet to see many real estate investors that needed much more than an online brochure to explain what they do.

Of course, I could be wrong. In the age of lady Gaga and all the other pop culture excess, the real estate investing community might be as vain and naive as the rest of the people trying to drive attention to themselves.

Party on Bill. Party on Ted...

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Bruce Wedding

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Raydal

You have to adjust your price according to the
market you are in.

Really, Ray?

That doesn't seem like the Christian thing to do, to me. Basically, you're saying, raise your prices for clients who have more money, hence taking advantage of them.

Why? The work you do is the same.

My prices are my prices. I've set them based on what I'm satisfied working for. Rich people and poor people pay the same.

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Raydal

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding

Really, Ray?

That doesn't seem like the Christian thing to do, to me. Basically, you're saying, raise your prices for clients who have more money, hence taking advantage of them.

Why? The work you do is the same.

My prices are my prices. I've set them based on what I'm satisfied working for. Rich people and poor people pay the same.

That's good for you Bruce. Sounds fair to me.

But since you question my Christianity let me quote you from
the Book that I follow:

"From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded;
and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more
will be asked." Luke 12:48

Also God requires 10% (tithe) of your increase. This means
that rich people pay more than poor people.

It's not a matter of the rich and poor NOT paying the same for
the same work, but the value the client derives from my work
must factor into what I charge.

I do not charge according to the amount of work that I do
but to the VALUE I offer the client.

It's called "Value-Based Fees" acc. Alan Weiss.

-Ray Edwards

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WeavingThoughts

11 years ago

Best of luck with the sales.

Thanks

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TheSalesBooster

11 years ago

Robert pretty much nailed the general idea of what you need to do.

You're asking for someone to pay you 2k and you literally have like 5 paragraphs and some pictures.

One of the things Robert pointed out which needs to be emphasized is the selling of the bonuses...

These real estate people don't know anything about what you're talking about in the bonuses... Google analytics? Auto-responders? Keyword research? etc...

Come on man you gotta do better than that if you want the sale. Turn those bonuses into selling points...

"Personal installation of Google's POWERFUL Analytics tool on every website, which will help you track and gather information on every visitor that comes to your website. Giving you an accurate picture of what your typical website visitor looks like and how much money they have to spend so that you can cater to their specific needs an increase your leads".

You get the idea.. Point is you need to sell more. There's not enough selling going on that would make me want to pony up $2,000 for your services... You gotta make them need your product.

Oh yea, your testimonials suck. I don't know if they are real, but they could be a hell of a lot better...

Your testimonials are very important here.. If you got some testimonials that said... "I bought blah blah product... It helps me get up to 7 new leads every day and I don't have to do anything! Now I'm one of the leading real estate in New York... blah blah blah and all of my competitors don't know how I did it". Make your testimonials sound like these guys have an upper hand that your customer could be missing out on if they don't use your service.

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AndrewCavanagh

11 years ago

Perhaps start by telling me a story about yourself or about one of
your clients and how the theme helped change their lives.

Stories draw people in and reveal who you are while building rapport
and credibility.

"We don't just make "pretty" website. We make "direct response" websites that generates more leads and sales!"

Oh aren't you wonderful and don't you sound important.

Big mistake though.

Use the word YOU instead of WE.

In other words the copy shouldn't be about how wonderful you are,
it should be focused on how you're going to help your prospect.

eg.

"If you've paid thousands of dollars for a pretty website"
or
"Before you pay thousands of dollars for a pretty website"

and

"Let us help create a 'direct response' website for you that
brings in high quality leads and prospects who are ready to
buy."

Also for an investor what is the most important thing to them
buyers or sellers?

I know for real estate agents they want sellers and they want
to put them on an exclusive contract.

My point is you need to know what's critically important to them...
what their first priority is likely to be and hit the benefits of your
solution in relation to what they want the most in your copy.

Kindest regards,
Andrew Cavanagh

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ewenmack 11 years ago

Chris you haven't quite nailed the 1 and only problem the reader has,
or their 1 and only unmet desire.

Get that right and talk in the language they use to describe it,
you'll have the reader hooked.

Paint a picture of the problem removed or the desire met
so the reader can see his new life.

Remember the website is only the instrument to get this number one thing he wants.

Name it Chris.

And remove "Investors".
You are only talking to one to make the connection.

You are getting close, but you aren't over the finishing line yet.

Best,
Ewen
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travlinguy

11 years ago

Maybe this would help.

Answer this question: Why would anyone, even someone very successful and with a bank account full of cash, pay more?

With a nice looking $39 WP theme, hosting and someone to tie it all together for about $200 an individual can have a slick, functional site that does anything yours will do.

As previously mentioned, investors aren't stupid and many pride themselves on getting great discounts on stuff. That alone is what makes them good at investing. So again, why would anyone pay your price when there's an inexpensive and reasonable alternative?

Answer that question with logic and passion and put it into your copy.

[ 1 ] Thanks

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Chris Cho

11 years ago

Thanks for all the great advices!!!

By the way, I'm selling my squeeze pages specifically designer for real estate niche for $67 and upselling them $2000 package. so it currently WORKS.

I'm just trying to make it convert BETTER.

more advices? =)

I think I might be able to come up with a sales page after this thread. =D

Thanks

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Quality Copywriter

11 years ago

instead of leading with questions like below...

lead with direct benefits...embolding the benefit at the begining of each sentence

it draws the eye to the benefit and gives them a reason to read on.

How can I generate more clients and profits from my website?
Generate more clients and profits from your website
How can I get ranked on top of Google to bring in ultra-trageted leads?
How can I improve my site to get more leads?
Who can teach me how to avoid the pitfals of the internet?

Thanks

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Yegyan

11 years ago

HI Chris, one piece of feedback is that you could definitely punch up the unique nature of the real estate business industry. That is a key usp you are going with. Your copy could be strengthened by demonstrating the unique needs of your customer and how you specialize in those needs. I'd highlight how other sites for realtors are doing it wrong and how you do it right. A technique of sales is to introduce doubt about other choices. Also, you could strengthen it with a story of how you found the solution to creating websites that get leads for your customer (real estate investors & agents). That's a start. Hope that helps.

Thanks

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