Another newb looking for some feeback

5 replies
Here it is. Appreciate the feedback.

Imagine Having A Full Head Of Hair Again And Loving Every Minute Of It!

If you're like me, then you've suffered from the effects of male pattern baldness. You've had to watch you're once full head of hair thin out and as a result you simply don't look as good as you once did. Other than expensive surgical procedures , there hasn't been an effective way to treat this problem, leaving most men no choice but to accept looking less than their best.

Sick and tired of having thinning hair? Continue Reading

Well what if I told you that there's now an effective way to combat your thinning hair problem that's afforable and doesn't involve any surgery. It's called Toppik, a new hair-loss product made of all-natural, keratin protein fibers which blend naturally with your hair for an undetectable appearance.

For thinning hair, this works like crazy

Toppik combines with your existing hair to make your hair look fuller and thicker, eliminating the appearance of thinning hair. Within seconds you'll no longer have to feel self conscious about your appearance and you can look your best again.

A thining hair solution that's almost too easy.

And the process couldn't be any easier. To apply Toppik, you simply shake the container over your thinning areas and thousands of fibers bind with your own hair by static electricity. Within seconds the fibers are securely in place and you can go about your day.

Set it and forget it

Toppik is durable and resistant to rain, wind, and perspiration, so once you put in on, you never have to worry about it coming out until you decide to wash it out.

Is feeling and looking your best worth a dollar a day to you?

At $29.95 for a 30 day supply, this magic solution to your thinning hair comes out to just a dollar per day. Imagine, a problem that's been haunting you for years solved for a dollar a day. When you order, you'll immediately feel a sense of relief that your days of baldness are behind you.

60 Day Money Back Guarantee

Now you may be thinking: "Okay, I'll just order their product and if it's not 100% what's promised, I'll just return it and get all my money back". And you're right! You can try Toppik without any risk. If for any reason you're not happy with it, simply return the unused portion for a full refund of your money.

CLICK HERE TO ORDER NOW

P.S. Naturally, you don't have to order now, but I'd like to remind you that the sooner you order, the sooner your days of thinning hair will be over. Don't let procrastination or fear of the unknown stop you from looking and feeling your best.
#feeback #newb
  • Profile picture of the author Paul Hooper-Kelly
    Hi Will Guy,

    Congratulations, I think you're on your way to doing a really good job here.

    When you get to set up the web page, it will be a good idea to have a picture of you (hopefully sporting a full head of hair) at the start of the body text. And, because this is a letter, open it with a salutation ...

    Hi fellow hair-loss sufferer,

    Using the word 'fellow' positions you alongside your prospect and helps them instantly warm to you, because we all warm to folks who have something in common with us.

    Also it would be a good idea to have a image of the product as well as a graphic of the guarantee - not to replace what you've written but to reinforce it.

    Well done you!

    Warmest regards,

    Paul
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    If you want to stack the copywriting deck in your favor with tricks and hacks producing winners like: "$20K in three days" "650 sold" "30% conversion", then you might like to know I'm retiring and will spill the beans to two people. More info here.
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  • Profile picture of the author maximus242
    Question, since it works via static electricity, is it possible for the fibers to fall out?
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  • Profile picture of the author scott white
    Hi Will Guy,
    I have to agree with Paul on this also when you incorporate your pictures Try to link them in with your sales page for SEO purposes.What I mean is when you save them (your pics.)
    put them in a file and name the file on some of your keyword focuses. Or once you upload them to your site then change the name of the file to be appropriate with the content.
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    Wanna See How I to Get Thousands of Subscribers Every Month?
    http://scottwhitemarketing.com

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    • Profile picture of the author saturdaygig
      Its a good sales piece, drew me through to read it all, and I tend to give up easily and skip to the end if there looks like a lot of reading.
      If there is a problem its in the customer feedback/complaints you'd get later, because it says a lot of stuff that's not true, or at least very much exaggerated. The internet is full of stuff about this product.
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  • Profile picture of the author maddyy
    Hi will,

    I like how your sub headings tell a story in themselves.. just reading them.. Fab idea!!
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