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my first sales page - need critique

by bringsluck
8 replies
Hey

My first sales page,
Feel free to destroy it with constructive critique.

Poker Income Graph

Thanks!
#critique #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Curtis2011
    First thoughts: The "poker pro admits it" needs to be big, bold, and red.

    "can bring $x in profit" should have a time frame after it, like "in only 5 years"
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    • Profile picture of the author Paul Hooper-Kelly
      Hi bringsluck,

      You've done a good job with this, but four things jump out immediately.

      You've picked the right subject for your headline, but I think it could be even stronger and shoot straight into the conversation your prospect is already having with themselves ("How can I make money playing Poker?")

      So, what about something like ...

      Discover How To Join The 3% Elite
      Who REALLY Do Make Money Playing Poker
      I've tested it and 'Discover How To' is a good opening for a headline - even better than just 'How To'.

      Then you could use the existing headline as a pre-headline ...

      If you want to join an exclusive group of winners exploiting the other 97% of amateurs then this is for YOU ...

      Discover How To Join The 3% Elite
      Who REALLY Do Make Money Playing Poker

      Then you should add some deck copy to draw the reader into your letter ...

      Read on to learn how I will teach you every trick in the pack to send you laughing to the bank virtually every time you play ...

      So you get a full opener ...

      If you want to join an exclusive group of winners exploiting the other 97% of amateurs then this is for YOU ...
      Discover How To Join The 3% Elite
      Who REALLY Do Make Money Playing Poker
      Read on to learn how I will teach you every trick in the pack
      to send you laughing to the bank virtually every time ...

      The second point is that you need to be someone.

      I guess that photo in the center of the group is you - which is great.

      So that should come right under the headline group - to the left, with your name under.

      Then - because this is a letter - start it like a letter, with a salutation ..,

      Hey fellow poker player,

      That use of 'fellow' immediately gets you alongside your prospect. Then you should empathize with their frustration of just wanting to win once in a while. Tell them you've been there , too - until you found out the hard way how to play poker to win.

      Then - like a shaft of sunlight piercing the dark clouds - you tell them how you can help them become one of those 3% winners. And tell them they will experience success far faster than you, because you've done all the trial and error for them.

      And - because people buy with their emotions - you should paint mental pictures of how that mix of excitement and dread that they might lose all their money will be replaced with a powerful feeling of total calm and control, because they know they will walk away a winner more often than not.

      And the most important part is missing right now - and that's proof that you know what you're talking about.

      So you must back up every claim you make with proof. Which means you need to show screenshots of bank accounts showing the sort money you are talking about.

      Without trust no sale will take place, so you must start building trust right from the start.

      Remember, your prospects have probably bought other 'How To Make Money At Poker' products before and - either through laziness or because they don't work - will be vary wary of your offer.

      YOU know it's a good offer, but to make the sale you need to PROVE it to them.

      Also you need to answer that other major doubt they will have, which is: 'If you have all this cash, why are you bothering to sell a book for 27 bucks?".

      That's just four points, although there are other areas than need work, such as those quotes in blue, which I assume are testimonials and the positioning of your guaarantee. But I'll leave something for others to crew on!

      Warmest regards,

      Paul


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      If you want to stack the copywriting deck in your favor with tricks and hacks producing winners like: "$20K in three days" "650 sold" "30% conversion", then you might like to know I'm retiring and will spill the beans to two people. More info here.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
    First of all:

    You need to take the next evolutionary step in your copy.

    You say:

    "The moves that this pattern consists of are the result of genius math calculus and decades of evolution packed into an easy to use, printable push tables that don't require any experience at all."

    Okay, so...

    You created an algorithm. Spell it out. Talk about how this is a science of success model that, when properly utilized, wins every single time - without fail.

    You say:

    "this blueprint is not a magical pill"

    Then...

    "This is where all the magic is."

    So which one is it?

    The fact is...

    You have created magic-in-a-bottle here. Be more audacious about boasting what you've put together.

    You've started off correctly; you're leveraging your experience and reputation/name value. But you've stopped short of really capitolizing on how extensively you can leverage the experience, insights, knowledge and little-known-secrets you bring to the table.

    Brand wise...

    This is about using an algorithm that mimics the proven steps of the top 3% online poker players. That's your hook. Create a more distinct brand around that. Get your face in a header. Make a nice logo. Do something that gives you a foundation to create flow and continuity in your copy - so your message STICKS in the minds of your prospects.

    My take.

    Mark
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  • Profile picture of the author Calamaroo
    Poker players tend to not be persuaded by "get rich quick" types of sales letters. If you go to the Amazon Kindle stores, the most effective product descriptions tend to be dull and boring. Check out the eBooks by the following authors:

    Dan Harrington

    Puggy Neutron

    David Sklansky

    Jared Tendler

    Once you have read the Kindle bookstore "sales pages" of the 4 authors mentioned above, you will find that their product descriptions are pretty straightforward and descriptive. Poker players are generally above average in intelligence. They would rather be given un hyped info. They want to make up their own minds.

    I once wrote a sales letter for a poker player back in 2005 and his info product failed because it was too sales pitchy. Lesson: Write straightforward and dull sales letters. Study the Kindle product descriptions of the above four authors. You'll learn a lot.
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    • Profile picture of the author Paul Hooper-Kelly
      Hi Guys and Gals,
      Originally Posted by Calamaroo View Post

      Poker players are generally above average in intelligence. They would rather be given un hyped info. They want to make up their own minds.
      You've hit the nail right on the head, Calamaroo.

      Which is precisely why I said every statement and the credentials of the author needs to be backed up with the strongest, most convincing proof you can muster.

      And that holds good for every niche, because folks are numb from being over-marketed today to such an extent that they are completely cynical about every offer.

      So never make a statement without immediately backing it up with a reason why or solid proof.

      Regards,

      Paul
      Signature
      If you want to stack the copywriting deck in your favor with tricks and hacks producing winners like: "$20K in three days" "650 sold" "30% conversion", then you might like to know I'm retiring and will spill the beans to two people. More info here.
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    Doesn't quite pass the smell test, does it?

    Now if Nanonoko had written it, we'd have a different story. But I get the sense he's too busy making money.

    - Rick Duris
    Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    English is not your native tongue - and it shows - in spades. That needs to be fixed. As for the rest... just reads like yet another I.M. scam - not enough authority.

    Question: if you're making so much money... how come you don't get a pro copywriter to do a proper job? $10k would be nothing to you. So...that leads me to not believe you and neither will the readers of this steaming pile.
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    • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
      Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi View Post

      Question: if you're making so much money... how come you don't get a pro copywriter to do a proper job? $10k would be nothing to you. So...that leads me to not believe you and neither will the readers of this steaming pile.
      Exactly. And if I'm a smarter-than-the-average-bear grinder as others suggest your market is, I'm not buying any of it.

      Hire a copywriter who understands this.

      - Rick Duris
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