SOS: What Must I Do To Be Saved? The Agony of A Non-Converting Sales Copy. Please Appraise My Page

Hi there, I'm also fairly new to this so please take what I say with a pinch of salt.

Two things that I do notice are that
1) There are some mistakes in the grammar and self-contradicting sentences. An example sentence would be "All these methods did not work and even the few ones that worked did not bring in the type of money they needed to live their dream lifestyle"

Right there you've said that none of the methods worked, then contradicted that by saying some did in fact work.

2) The copy seems to focus a lot on these millionaires and not much on what they can do for the reader.


Again I'm definitely not an experienced copywriter so definitely see what some of the veteran guys have to say about this.

Also I hope you don't think I'm trying to be offensive, but anything to do with Nigeria can set off alarms in readers minds. This is especially the case because of the phrase "Nigerian scam" being used to refer to a large proportion of online scams.

This is interesting.

It looks like very good copy on the surface, but there's something missing.

The piece just doesn't build much in the way of personality, or draw the reader in.

It doesn't stand out from the millions of other internet marketing offers out there in any way. There isn't a strong USP; you don't show how your system is different. It just seems like a very standard internet marketing offer.

Call me crazy... but is "uniport" a widely known/used term? i have no idea what that means.

My first piece of advice is to consider hiring a professional copywriter who can clean up your grammatical and wording errors. My only additional comment on your "Event" site is to lighten
up the color of your text slightly in the last line on your header so it is easier to read (as has been mentioned). Also, your down arrow (on header) gets very lost. I would make it a bright color and make it larger so it will be noticed.

Your mentoring site is also full of wording and grammatical errors also. I do think it is designed better than your event site. Is this mentoring site also targeting the Nigerian audience?
Either way, you are leading people to believe that they are making dollars instead of Niara.
You state: 1.2 million (?) in 24 hours, 4 million in 48 hours, etc. and do not mention anything
about dollars or niara. However, a few lines down, you state that you made "$13,500 in 45 days selling to the international community." You really need to make clear to your readers EXACTLY what they are getting. If you are pulling in this much cash, then you should be able to afford a good copywriter to clean up your copy. You might also consider a graphics designer to review your image designs (such a the header).

The grammar is a big deal breaker for me. The claims are super outrageous, which can still work if the copy is convincing, but it's not. It's clunky, sounds like broken English...instantly brings up images in my mind of the overseas lottery scams I see in my mailbox, so I'm outta there.

Nobody here is likely to understand your market. It
looks like you're marketing to people in Africa -
perhaps within a specific country.

The market will probably be a lot less mature than the
market in the USA. Direct response developed most
freely in the USA because of the postal system and
various other factors. It lagged a bit in the UK where
the laws were different... and the market of course.

Your market may be way open - but to those of
us who think in AMERICAN DOLLARS, your claims
are not believable.

I'd recommend not boasting so much about how
much you've earned with internet marketing, but
rather emphasize the specific methods you've
developed which your countrymen can apply to
sell online to domestic and foreign customers
successfully.... just like the big shots from
the USA.