9 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
9 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

What would you change about the copy on this website...

by JaniG
8 replies
hey guys,

my site is converting ok rite now but would like to make it convert
even better, since i have over 600 affiliates promoting it.

could you please give some tips on what you would change / add to the sales page ?

Twitter Traffic Exposed

Regards

Jani
#change #copy #website
  • Profile picture of the author icering87
    - Some of the text is way to big for me, it's actually stopping me from reading through this comfortably.

    - I think this would be a lot better if you told your story and how you came to learn all this. Then show the proof. I a more natural lead. for example:

    A) Look what I did, bam! look at all this cash, buy today and I will show you how to make this cash. ( what your current sales letter says)

    vs.

    B) Hey, Did you know you can make a living through twitter? I know you can because I've done it. *story*. Once I started using this strategy my sales triples see: *proof* Because people have been asking I decided to teach others by creating Twitter traffic * then do what your doing with the copy*
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[770356].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author JaniG
      Originally Posted by icering87 View Post

      - Some of the text is way to big for me, it's actually stopping me from reading through this comfortably.

      - I think this would be a lot better if you told your story and how you came to learn all this. Then show the proof. I a more natural lead. for example:

      A) Look what I did, bam! look at all this cash, buy today and I will show you how to make this cash. ( what your current sales letter says)

      vs.

      B) Hey, Did you know you can make a living through twitter? I know you can because I've done it. *story*. Once I started using this strategy my sales triples see: *proof* Because people have been asking I decided to teach others by creating Twitter traffic * then do what your doing with the copy*
      Thanks for the tips,

      but which text was way to big?

      you sure its not your browser?

      because the heading and sub headings are standard sizes.
      Signature
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[779769].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    Test it at $27 - for a generic "make money with Twitter"
    product this is steeply priced.

    I know YOU think your product is unique but my perception
    of most of these products is they are the same - and your
    copping of "Twitterish" graphics makes me not want to
    read because I expect the standard rhetoric about how
    wonderful is Twitter for making money.

    If you have a USP withing the MakeMoneyWithTwitter niche
    put it in your headline - or find some other way to differentiate
    your product so you can justify your price better.

    The price justification "now how much would you pay?" stuff
    is hackneyed and makes me just more skeptical - you seem
    to be working TOO HARD to justify your price by claiming
    an outandish value for the information.

    Also your desperate $10-off save-a-sale gambit is chickenshit -
    maybe your idea is not bad, but your "Wait - we'll cave on
    the price" positioning stinks.
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[770648].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author briancassingena
    The page looks fine at first glance, what is your current conversion rate and where is your traffic coming from? I will be able to comment once I have this info
    Signature
    Copywriting For Non-Copywriters: FREE 30-Day Journey
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[770809].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author JaniG
      Originally Posted by briancassingena View Post

      The page looks fine at first glance, what is your current conversion rate and where is your traffic coming from? I will be able to comment once I have this info
      Hi there,

      thanks for the post.

      Ok, my traffic is coming 98% from affiliates.

      we have over 600 affiliates rite now who are signed up.

      The conversion rate is on the front end is a poor 0.4%

      And the OTO upsell is converting at 45%

      its crazy because our proudct probbaly shares more than
      all those other twitter products (since we was one of the first)
      we have a 77 page ebook and over 30 video tutorials.

      This needs to convert way higher!

      Jani
      Signature
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[779793].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author J. Barry Mandel
    I agree with Loren.

    Seems like a product like this is a dime a dozen and you have it priced to high.

    I would think you should get more conversions at a lower price point.

    Also you're headline is just too much of "MORE" - More this, More that, More, More, More.
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[771132].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author David Raybould
    Hey Jani,

    Here's my 2 cents:

    Your headline is a little pedestrian.
    Jazz it up. Use some specifics. It
    contains good benefits, but they
    lack any real punch, and you aren't
    getting the reader to picture anything
    in his mind.

    The letter itself actually looks pretty
    good - the layout is quite effective,
    but your copy is letting it down. You
    want copy that packs a punch -
    sentences that convey thoughts,
    feelings, imagery in as short a space
    as possible.

    As it is, a lot of the sentences are
    overly long, and it really detracts
    from your selling power.

    You've got pretty good proof on
    the page, and good credibility with
    the testimonials etc. This could be
    a product that sells very well.

    My advice is to hire a pro writer to
    whip that copy into shape.

    You're doing okay on Clickbank right
    now, but if it's not converting well,
    your affiliates are going to disappear
    and start promoting other stuff.

    Good luck.

    -David Raybould
    Signature
    Killer Emails. Cash-spewing VSLs. Turbocharged Landing Pages.

    Whatever you need, my high converting copy puts more money in your pocket. PM for details. 10 years experience and 9 figure revenues.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[771874].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author JaniG
      Originally Posted by David Raybould View Post

      Hey Jani,

      Here's my 2 cents:

      Your headline is a little pedestrian.
      Jazz it up. Use some specifics. It
      contains good benefits, but they
      lack any real punch, and you aren't
      getting the reader to picture anything
      in his mind.

      The letter itself actually looks pretty
      good - the layout is quite effective,
      but your copy is letting it down. You
      want copy that packs a punch -
      sentences that convey thoughts,
      feelings, imagery in as short a space
      as possible.

      As it is, a lot of the sentences are
      overly long, and it really detracts
      from your selling power.

      You've got pretty good proof on
      the page, and good credibility with
      the testimonials etc. This could be
      a product that sells very well.

      My advice is to hire a pro writer to
      whip that copy into shape.

      You're doing okay on Clickbank right
      now, but if it's not converting well,
      your affiliates are going to disappear
      and start promoting other stuff.

      Good luck.

      -David Raybould
      thanks for that David!

      yes we are doing ok on clickbank, number 3 Twitter product in CB rite now.

      Do you write copy?

      Jani
      Signature
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[779773].message }}

Trending Topics