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My first sales letter

by Allegro
7 replies
Hey guys,

i just finished my first sales letter. Since i am no native speaker and my copywriting skills are (imho) non existent, i would love to hear your opinions on what to do better and to improve!

My Sales Letter

I noticed that i forgot to change the title-tag of the template i used... Unfortunately i lack the skills to do any gfx, so i have to work without them (no money to outsorce it). I will later add an opt-in box too.

Could you please give me advice?
#letter #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Scott Murdaugh
    I'm not trying to be harsh, and I'm not pimping my services because I know you're on a tight budget... But the prognosis doesn't look good.

    Definitely an original concept and there could very well be a market for it, but that sales letter isn't going to cut it.

    I could point out specifics but the whole thing is pretty bad. You could start with the typo in the headline but you've still got a long way to go.

    No offense.

    Sorry,

    -Scott
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    Over $30 Million In Marketing Data And A Decade Of Consistently Generating Breakthrough Results - Ask How My Unique Approach To Copy Typically Outsells Traditional Ads By Up To 29x Or More...

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  • Profile picture of the author colmodwyer
    Start with something simple like...

    "How To Guarantee The Girl You Met Last Night ALWAYS Texts Back!"

    Build and play with that, but I think that's what you're after (from reading the first testimonial)

    Colm
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    • Profile picture of the author AnneE
      Originally Posted by colmodwyer View Post

      Start with something simple like...

      "How To Guarantee The Girl You Met Last Night ALWAYS Texts Back!"

      Build and play with that, but I think that's what you're after (from reading the first testimonial)

      Colm
      I think Colm's suggestion is good. There are some basic problems in your English. The word 'I' should always be capitalized for starters.

      Did you ever got ... should be Did you ever get... that appears twice in opening paragraph

      Aside from your English skills, you say: Needless to say that i didn't achieve the results i dreamed of. So i went back to the books and wrote down every single thing that worked, and discarded everything that didn't work.

      'i didn't achieve the results I dreamed of' made me think you had failed badly... but somehow you had enough success to end up now writing a book on the topic? I feel like I'm missing a step.

      Since your English skills are not your strong suit, that's all the more reason to have a picture -- make it of the final goal, a beautiful girl texting. I heard a couple of the guys say what they thought the final goal should be. Sigh.

      Have you read any books on copywriting? It's better to have tried to learn the fundamentals and then ask for feedback here. You are more likely to get helpful suggestions and less likely to get comments like "the whole thing is pretty bad".

      You are definitely going to have to pay, beg, barter with someone to get both your guide and your sales letter edited for proper English, because no one who speaks proper English is going to pay for texting/writing advice from someone who does not write as well as they do.
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  • Profile picture of the author Allegro
    thanks for the help so far
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    Nothing to see here. Move along, citizen.

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  • Profile picture of the author ASM Marketing
    Use a series of the same bullet point as opposed to different graphics for each. This clearly lets the reader know that they are reading a series of bullets rather than get confused and distracted by the visual elements. You want people to read your copy first

    Any graphics used should serve a purpose
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