Is My Copy Effective?

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Donald The Dialect Coach

Let me have it. I'm here to learn

How Many Times Has This Happened to You?

You"ve just been given a scene in an audition. You finish reading it to yourself the first time and BAM! You hear the door open to the audition room.

"We're ready for you."

What?!? You've only read the scene once!

You're expected to go into that room confidently, make GREAT acting choices, and prove to them that you're worth hiring and you've only. read. the scene. once.

You walk into the room and have a seat. You say, "Hello."

Before you is a man that has obviously been listening to actors audition for hours.

He's tired.

You look down at the script and all that you see is a bunch of words.

You know nothing about the character and nothing about the scene. You stumble through the audition without ever really connecting with your partner and without making any real acting choices.

The frustrating part is that you KNOW you can do better. You know there's more that you can bring to the table, but it's an unfair situation.

You do your best. You always do, but it seems impossible to succeed under these circumstances.

What do they expect? You just got the script.

They expect to see great acting.

It hardly seems fair, right?

Auditions don't have to be unfair. YOU can be successful in the auditiion room.

All that it takes is knowing the SECRETS. - The auditioning and cold reading tips that change everything.

I'm Here to Give You Those Secrets.

There's no reason why you have to be intimidated by auditioning anymore!

"How to Nail the Auditionn Every Time" is a game changer.

Make the choice to change the way that you audition today.

As a special thank you to you guys for being a part of our community, I'm giving you a HUGE discount on this course.

For anybody else who visits this site, this course is $27

For you guys, the price is just $9.99

Hi Donald,

You're on the right track, assuming of course that the opening story is something the reader has experienced and is frustrated with. However, you have to do a lot more work before asking for the sale. You need to tell them something they don't already know, give them a "freebie" tip...something that makes them think "Wow, now that makes sense!"

There's a structure to long form sales letters that I cover in this free video series, I suggest using it to complete your letter.

Scientific Copywriting Part 15: How to Write a...

Like I said, you're off to a decent start because you're getting them to relive their pain. It just needs more. I'd also suggest offering it for $47 marked down from $97. $9.99 creates too low an impression of its value.

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The Copy Nazi

Banned 11 years ago

"On the right track"? WTF. It's a total FAIL. Count the ways. You're boring the crap out of your reader, for starters. Truly awful, awful writing. It's so bad I facepalm.

"You're off to a decent start". No you're not. It's HORRIBLE.

[ 2 ] Thanks

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Donald The Dialect Coach

11 years ago

Thank you Seth. I'll definitely throw a free tip into the letter and watch your video.
The product is a 30 minute video series and a 20 page ebook. Do you think $47 is too high for that?

Copy Nazi- Thank you for your opinion. I definitely don't want this to be horrible or boring. What do you suggest that I do? My main goal was to tell them a story that they can relate to, but I agree that it should be interesting. What am I missing?

Thank you both. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond!

Thanks
1 reply

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sethczerepak 11 years ago

Originally Posted by Donald The Dialect Coach

The product is a 30 minute video series and a 20 page ebook. Do you think $47 is too high for that?

Sounds like you're assuming that the volume of content determines it's value. It doesn't, and if you're going to market information, you need a new perspective on that. It's all about results. For example, in some of my coaching sessions (as a coach, and as a student working with a mentor), I've seen single revelations, no more than a few words sometimes, create dramatic life changes.

Don't underestimate the power of expert insight. The question isn't how many pages or minutes. It's a matter of content and substance. Do this, instead of thinking in terms of minutes and pages, write down two columns on a sheet of paper and name them:

1) Benefits of using this product. Include ALL benefits, money, opportunity, emotional benefits, lifestyle etc.
2) COST of not using the product. Again, include EVERYTHING, financial cost, cost in time and in lost opportunity, cost in lost confidence.

Then, reposition your product description to talk about the REAL cost vs value instead of the bloody page count and minute count.

Here's an example from a hypothetical page selling a copywriting course:

"**Product Name*** is the end result of over 16 years of in-the-trenches, trial and error experience and (to date) $53,245.67 spent on seminars, coaching and other specialized training. How long would it take YOU to gain that expertise on your own? Wouldn't you rather make one simple investment of just $97 and have this information in your hands within seconds?"

"Imagine the confidence you'll have KNOWING that your marketing messages will pull responses and profits EVERY time you send traffic at them! How much peace of mind would you have about investing your marketing dollars? Most important, how FAST could you turn your struggling business into the vehicle for creating a lifestyle of entrepreneurial independence?"

See what I mean? Who cares whether the above product is 20 pages of great information or 1,000? 30 minutes of video instruction, or 300? Those numbers don't register with people on an emotional or personal level. Take these for instance:

There's this...

Every day, 1 million children die from contaminated water

....and there's this:

Today, Ellie Ellison, a 7 year old girl from Ghanna Africa, collapsed in her crying mother's arms. Dead from drinking contaminated water from a stream that trickles by her family's beat up trash heap they call a home.

There's this...

By the end of the day, 67 Senior citizens will die along in nursing homes

....and there's this:

Today, Ronald ***, a 72 year old man from Idaho, will likely die alone in his bed. After one of the nurses wheels his broken body out, he'll be dumped into a nameless grave because he has no money for a decent burial. No one will come to his memorial service. His children and grandchildren have not visited him for years. This will happen to 66 other seniors by the end of the day today

There's this...

Out of 10,000 aspiring actors auditioned in (popular place), only one will go on to achieve their dream of being the next (actor whom your target audience loves)

....and there's this:

Your audition might mean the world to you, but for the people coldly checking a box that says "pass" or "fail," you'll just be another number. Or, you could walk out with the opportunity that only 1 in 10,000 aspiring actors ever get to experience. Imagine...(& go on to explain the personal experience of success here)

It's like the quote "One million deaths is a statistic, but a single death is a tragedy." Why? Because when you're talking about a single life experience, shit gets personal and real. It's not about volume, it's about value and value is built by putting things in a context which:

1) Demonstratives specific needs (emotional, physical, spiritual) being met.
2) Relevant to the audiences core values, desires and beliefs about success
3) Sets your solution ahead of the other solutions within its category
4) Positions your solution as one-of-a-kind in its ability to achieve the desired result
5) Sites up an urgent desire to act now.
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Mark Pescetti

11 years ago

Donald!

You ARE on the right track, regardless of what some people might think.

But you're not digging nearly deep enough to agitate WHY people audition for a part.

You have to tap into the almost irrational desire to become rich and famous.

Trigger the sense that "you're just one amazing audition away from grabbing the role that will completely change your life, forever."

I went auditions as a kid.

I actually got the support of a producer who had some clout and he pushed for me to get a role on a TV show called Out Of This World.

It wasn't meant to be.

But man...

When I'd go into that audition room and stand naked (metaphorically speaking) in front of those big shots - holding their little pens, taking notes - not giving me any indication about whether I hit it out of the park... or totally bombed... well... It's a tough pill to swallow.

There are a lot of people who'd love a few tried-and-true secrets to help them NAIL their next audition.

Is it a hungry market?

I don't know.

I didn't research that. I hope you did.

Mark

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Donald The Dialect Coach 11 years ago

Thank you Mark. You're absolutely right. I'm going to focus on the "why" more. I think that I could put more positivity into it as well.

I'm a dialect and accent reduction coach. I've gotten several emails from clients asking for audition coaching, so I figured I'd put this out as my first product and price it low enough that its a no brainier for them to buy it.

On my regular website, it's priced at $27 for the public.

My email list gets a special link to buy it at $9.99.

Do you think that price is too low for a 30 minute video series and a 20 page ebook?
- Thanks
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Mark Pescetti

11 years ago

I don't care if you're giving it away.

You have a LOT of work to do - if you're going to trigger a person's irrational desire to become rich and famous - and position your ebook and video as the solution.

I'd make sure to write this for a video too.

I think this audience will FEEL your copy a lot more - if they can see and hear the emotion behind it.

One thing:

Get really clear on your avatar.

You're not putting yourself in the target prospect's shoes nearly enough.

And that makes the copy come across as being flat.

You've got to KNOW what your ideal customers are feeling RIGHT NOW...

...and trigger those feelings with the circumstances they're presently dealing with - as well as expressing what they REALLY want. (Which is obvious, but you still have to spell it out.)

Here's an exercise:

Write down what your ideal customer does in his or her daily life.

Is he or she a waiter/waitress?

What kind of conversations does he/she have?

How hard is it to watch their competition get roles they wanted so damn such?

Are they constantly comparing themselves to everyone else struggling to make it?

Product wise...

The REAL secret to becoming polished at auditions starts way before being called into that room.

You've got to help prospects become polished in their everyday thinking to really help them excel at auditioning. IMO;-)

Mark

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Donald The Dialect Coach

11 years ago

I think that a video would make all of this much more effective! I did a video on my squeeze page with an offer to learn 3 dialects in 3 days. You can see that video here

If I have a video, do I still need a bunch of written copy or would I just do bullet point info?

Thanks

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Mark Pescetti

11 years ago

The video on your squeeze page isn't compelling.

What kind of opt-in rate are your getting?

To answer your question:

Yes, you need to write a fully-fleshed-out script to have the conversation that's really needed here.

You keep hitting the tip of the iceberg.

You need to reveal what's underneath the surface.

As Seth said:

You need to tell prospects something they don't already know.

Or at least...

Haven't thought about in quite the way you're describing.

Your branding isn't gonna fly either.

You need something that more specifically describe what your biggest, end-game benefits are to your target prospect.

Mark

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Donald The Dialect Coach

11 years ago

Thanks Mark. Lots to think about, lots to do! Appreciate your in depth responses.

Thanks
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ewenmack

11 years ago

Donald, you have one part right,
and that is you have shown understanding of their situation
they are in.

The next step is to show why they are in this bad situation.

They want credible reasons why.

People want understanding why they are going through this.

Then you can take them to the final step,
which is your help which finally gets the reader out of the bad
situation he finds himself in.

Best,
Ewen

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Donald The Dialect Coach

11 years ago

Ewenmack, that helps a TON and makes a lot of sense. Thank you!

Thanks
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Donald The Dialect Coach

11 years ago

Here's my current revision of the copy. I emboldened the new stuff. What do you think?

Never Be Embarrassed In The Audition Room Again!

Here's What You Get:

A 12 Part Video Series where I share all of the secrets that will lead to killing it in the audtion room.

A 20 Page Ebook that gives you ALL of the tools that you need to nail every audtiion that you get.

Inside you will discover . . .

How to Overcome Your Fears in the Audition Room
How to Cold Read Like a Professional.
The Secret Signs in The Script That Will Unlock Your True Potential in The Scene.
The Shortcut to Finding Meaning and Belivablity in Every Line that You Say.
The Tips and Tricks That All Professional Actors Know, but Won't Tell.

The BEST thing is you don't have to wait for these videos or this book in the mail or go to a store to pick it up. You download it all straight to YOUR computer!

How Many Times Has This Happened to You?

You''ve just been given a scene in an audition. You finish reading it to yourself the first time and BAM! You hear the door open to the audition room.
"We're ready for you."
What?!? You've only read the scene once!
You're expected to go into that room confidently, make GREAT acting choices, and prove to them that you're worth hiring and you've only. read. the scene. once.
You walk into the room and have a seat. You say, "Hello."
Before you is a man that has obviously been listening to actors audition for hours.
He's tired.
You look down at the script and all that you see is a bunch of words.
You know nothing about the character and nothing about the scene. You stumble through the audition without ever really connecting with your partner and without making any real acting choices.
The frustrating part is that you KNOW you can do better. You know there's more that you can bring to the table, but it's an unfair situation.
You do your best. You always do, but it seems impossible to succeed under these circumstances.
What do they expect? You just got the script.
They expect to see great acting.
It hardly seems fair, right?
The truth is, It's not your fault!

Why does this happen to you?

You don't know EXACTLY what Casting Directors are looking for in the audition room.
You don't understand the secret signs in the script that steer you towards a powerful performance every time.
You haven't discoverred how to focus on the other partner and let the script come to life through your connection wth your partner.
You haven't learned how to conquer the psychology of auditioning in a way that puts YOU in control in the audition room.
You have been kept in the dark about the skills needed to audition like a professional.

Auditions don't have to be unfair. YOU can be successful in the auditiion room.
All that it takes is knowing the SECRETS. - The auditioning and cold reading tips that change everything.

I'm Here to Give You Those Secrets.

There's no reason why you have to be intimidated by auditioning anymore!

How to Nail the Auditionn Every Time is a game changer.

After taking my course, Casting Directors, Directors and Producers will be thanking you for being in the audition room.

Make the choice to change the way that you audition today.

Purchase this 12 part video series and ebook TODAY before the price goes back up!

Thanks
1 reply

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AnabelleFlorida

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Donald The Dialect Coach

Here's my current revision of the copy. I emboldened the new stuff. What do you think?

Never Be Embarrassed In The Audition Room Again!

Here's What You Get:

A 12 Part Video Series where I share all of the secrets that will lead to killing it in the audtion room.

A 20 Page Ebook that gives you ALL of the tools that you need to nail every audtiion that you get.

Inside you will discover . . .

How to Overcome Your Fears in the Audition Room
How to Cold Read Like a Professional.
The Secret Signs in The Script That Will Unlock Your True Potential in The Scene.
The Shortcut to Finding Meaning and Belivablity in Every Line that You Say.
The Tips and Tricks That All Professional Actors Know, but Won't Tell.

The BEST thing is you don't have to wait for these videos or this book in the mail or go to a store to pick it up. You download it all straight to YOUR computer!

How Many Times Has This Happened to You?

You''ve just been given a scene in an audition. You finish reading it to yourself the first time and BAM! You hear the door open to the audition room.
"We're ready for you."
What?!? You've only read the scene once!
You're expected to go into that room confidently, make GREAT acting choices, and prove to them that you're worth hiring and you've only. read. the scene. once.
You walk into the room and have a seat. You say, "Hello."
Before you is a man that has obviously been listening to actors audition for hours.
He's tired.
You look down at the script and all that you see is a bunch of words.
You know nothing about the character and nothing about the scene. You stumble through the audition without ever really connecting with your partner and without making any real acting choices.
The frustrating part is that you KNOW you can do better. You know there's more that you can bring to the table, but it's an unfair situation.
You do your best. You always do, but it seems impossible to succeed under these circumstances.
What do they expect? You just got the script.
They expect to see great acting.
It hardly seems fair, right?
The truth is, It's not your fault!

Why does this happen to you?

You don't know EXACTLY what Casting Directors are looking for in the audition room.
You don't understand the secret signs in the script that steer you towards a powerful performance every time.
You haven't discoverred how to focus on the other partner and let the script come to life through your connection wth your partner.
You haven't learned how to conquer the psychology of auditioning in a way that puts YOU in control in the audition room.
You have been kept in the dark about the skills needed to audition like a professional.

Auditions don't have to be unfair. YOU can be successful in the auditiion room.
All that it takes is knowing the SECRETS. - The auditioning and cold reading tips that change everything.

I'm Here to Give You Those Secrets.

There's no reason why you have to be intimidated by auditioning anymore!

How to Nail the Auditionn Every Time is a game changer.

After taking my course, Casting Directors, Directors and Producers will be thanking you for being in the audition room.

Make the choice to change the way that you audition today.

Purchase this 12 part video series and ebook TODAY before the price goes back up!

_______________________________________

Hi. I happen to be an actress, too. I liked parts of it, but I have some suggestions if you don't mind ...

* I've never really been embarrassed at an audition, so the headline didn't engage me. Being embarrassed means you were too nervous and knocked a drink over the producer, or tripped and fell, but auditioning below your potential is disappointing, not necessarily embarrassing. Maybe ...

Who Wants Killer Auditions Every Time?

* This writing can be tightened. The word "that" can be removed in some spots. The word "Audition" is fine by itself, no need for the word "room" in some places.

* We all want to learn how to eliminate fear! I like this point.

* I'm not sure what you mean by "secret signs" in a script. I got lost here.

* Instead of ...

Auditions don't have to be unfair. YOU can be successful in the auditiion room.

How about ...

Auditions don't have to be nerve wracking ... YOU can be a STAR at your very next audition!

* Here's an ending suggestion. Instead of ...

After taking my course, Casting Directors, Directors and Producers will be thanking you for being in the audition room.

Make the choice to change the way that you audition today.

Purchase this 12 part video series and ebook TODAY before the price goes back up!

How about ...

After taking my course, they'll be thanking you for coming to the audition!

So Are You Ready For Killer Auditions Every Time?

Make The Change!

The price for this 12 part video series and eBook will go back up soon, ACT NOW!

I hope some of these suggestions have helped. It's late here. I'm going to bed

[ 1 ] Thanks
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Donald The Dialect Coach 11 years ago
Thank you Anabelle! My clients have certainly had embarrassing auditions, but I see your point. I really appreciate having the opinion of an actress on this copy.

Here is the new copy with all of the notes so far (some of it didn't format correct when I cut and pasted it but you get the idea) . . .

Imagine what it would be like if you were able to make killer choices in the audition room. The first time.

Are You Ready to Nail the Audition Every Time?

Here’s What You Get:
- A 12 Part Video Series where I share all of the secrets that will lead to killing it in the audtion room.
- A 20 Page Ebook that gives you ALL of the tools that you need to nail every audtiion that you get.
Inside you will discover . . .
- How to Overcome Your Fears in the Audition Room
- How to Cold Read Like a Professional.
- The Secret Signs in the Lines That Will Unlock Your True Potential in the Scene.
- The Shortcut to Finding Meaning and Believablity in Every Line You Say.
- The Tips and Tricks That All Professional Actors Know, but Won’t Tell.
The BEST thing is you don’t have to wait for these videos or this book in the mail or go to a store to pick it up. You download it all straight to YOUR computer!

How Many Times Has This Happened to You?

You”ve just been given a scene in an audition. You finish reading it to yourself the first time and BAM! You hear the door open to the audition room.
“We’re ready for you.”
What?!? You’ve only read the scene once!
You’re expected to go into the room confidently, make GREAT acting choices, and prove to them you’re worth hiring and you’ve only. read. the scene. once.
You walk into the room and have a seat. You say, “Hello.”
Before you is a man that has obviously been listening to actors audition for hours.
He’s tired.
You look down at the script and all that you see is a bunch of words.
You know nothing about the character and nothing about the scene. You stumble through the audition without ever really connecting with your partner and without making any real acting choices.
The frustrating part is that you KNOW you can do better. You know there’s more that you can bring to the table, but it’s an unfair situation.
You do your best. You always do, but it seems impossible to succeed under these circumstances.
What do they expect? You just got the script.
They expect to see great acting.
It hardly seems fair, right?
The truth is, It’s not your fault!
Why does this happen to you?
- You don’t know EXACTLY what Casting Directors are looking for in the audition room.
- You don’t understand the secret signs in the script that steer you towards a powerful performance every time.
- You haven’t discoverred how to focus on the other partner and let the script come to life through your connection wth your partner.
- You haven’t learned how to conquer the psychology of auditioning in a way that puts YOU in control in the audition room.
- You have been kept in the dark about the skills needed to audition like a professional.
Auditions don’t have to be nerve racking. YOU can be a STAR at your very next audition!
All that it takes is knowing the SECRETS. – The auditioning and cold reading tips that change everything.
I’m Here to Give You Those Secrets.

After taking my course, they’ll be thanking you for coming to the audition!

Are You Ready to Nail the Audition Every Time?

Make the Change!

Purchase this 12 part video series and ebook TODAY!

You’re just one audition away from grabbing the role that will completely change your life, forever!
- Thanks
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The Copy Nazi

Banned 11 years ago

Still a trainwreck. Go for the balls.

As a struggling actor... James Gandolfini blew audition after audition
... until he hit upon a killer technique that consistently had the casting directors in tears... and giving him the high-paying gigs

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Donald The Dialect Coach 11 years ago

That's damn good, Copy Nazi! Is it ok to use a celebrity's name like that?
- Thanks
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The Copy Nazi

Banned 11 years ago

Depends if it's true or not. I just pulled it out of my butt. I picked Gandolfini because he's in the news (deceased). You might have to be a bit creative. Like -

Did James Gandolfini start out as a struggling actor that failed audition after audition?

... or did he use some killer techniques that consistently had the casting directors in tears... and giving him the high-paying gigs?

("Blew" to "blow" didn't sound right so I substituted "fail". But maybe there's a better word.)

If you were to go with this you'd have to segué into "Sopranos" and the Gandolfini method of acting etc. I've heard him described as a "genius" actor.

"In early 1999, James Gandolfini was called in to audition at HBO for the role of Tony Soprano in a television show about mobsters." blah blah

Then go into your pitch. But lose the cheesy "before the price goes up" or whatever it was. And kill off "game changer" - that expression has had its day.

BTW you'll notice I used "hit" and "killer" in the original copy. That's deliberate. Also the "casting directors in tears" gives you a nice image.

Thanks
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Donald The Dialect Coach 11 years ago

GREAT ADVICE! Thank you for giving me a clear direction to go. Ill cut out the cheesy stuff. Thank you for taking the time to help out a newbie like me!
- Thanks
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Mark Pescetti

11 years ago

Jim Carrey's story is powerful.

He was down on his luck, bombed at auditions...

...and when things got bad, he wrote himself a ten million dollar check "for acting services rendered."

Ah hell... Here is a link: Jim Carrey Once Wrote Himself a $10 Million Dollar Check | FilmmakerIQ.com

Mark

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Donald The Dialect Coach 11 years ago

I had forgotten about Carrey's story. That a great one. Thanks!
- Thanks
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RickDuris

11 years ago

FYI: Dead or alive, using celebrity names or images for commercial purposes is an open invitation for a lawsuit.

And don't believe for a second they'll send a cease and desist letter first. Celebrity attorneys play hardball.

Dead celebrities are just as protective. Dead celebrities have estates. And those estates are managed by... attorneys.

- Rick Duris

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The Copy Nazi

Banned 11 years ago

Originally Posted by RickDuris

FYI: Dead or alive, using celebrity names or images for commercial purposes is an open invitation for a lawsuit.

And don't believe for a second they'll send a cease and desist letter first. Celebrity attorneys play hardball.

Dead celebrities are just as protective. Dead celebrities have estates. And those estates are managed by... attorneys.

- Rick Duris

Yeah. I didn't suggest he use what I had verbatim. But there's ways around it. Like "Did the guy that played the Italian/American mobster in the hit series about the mafia..."

Or if its fact - it's fair comment. So the Jim Carrey thing about writing himself a cheque could work.

Best run it past a lawyer.

But you gotta admit...it's a whole lot better than his lame "Never be embarrassed in the audition room again".

(This is the trouble with trying to help people here. All they do is take your suggestions as is. I don't have the time or the inclination to be researching and writing this. It is, after all, how I make my living. )

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max5ty

11 years ago

Originally Posted by RickDuris

FYI: Dead or alive, using celebrity names or images for commercial purposes is an open invitation for a lawsuit.

And don't believe for a second they'll send a cease and desist letter first. Celebrity attorneys play hardball.

Dead celebrities are just as protective. Dead celebrities have estates. And those estates are managed by... attorneys.

- Rick Duris

There are sites that use images and stories regularly of celebrities without their consent...People, Time, Newsweek, US...etc.

The paparazzi takes pictures any chance they get...and sells them without any consent.

A true story about a celebrity isn't illegal to use...just make sure you don't say the celebrity is endorsing or sponsoring your product.

We're not talking about a major corp. here. It's a guy trying to sell an ebook.

I like Mal's idea for the piece.

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RickDuris

11 years ago

Don't worry, Mal.

Your copy did the job. It got him to break out of himself, and look at the thing a different way.

- Rick Duris

PS: I have half an idea in my head to build out an info-only blog/website of famous actor screen tests. There are loads of them on YouTube. Then drive the traffic to the offer.

The idea isn't complete, but there's a germ of an idea in there.

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cloudbacklinks

11 years ago

Writing too boring, make it easier to read too.

Thanks

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