Writing my first ever sales letter - please help~!

Hi Aaron, thanks for your insights! I'm working on it
right now...

I agree - I went with the "safe" and proven headline of
the "Who Else" formula but since this is the Warrior
Forum, people are more jaded here so a different headline
might be in order.

I came up with some more headlines but I'm sure that there's
a lot more that I can do with it... which headlines do you think
is good enough to be used?

Thank you very much - yes, that's what I was looking for.
I'm targeting people who already know that they need to
be using videos but I'm not sure how I could have worded
it in such a way to get them to consider my service
without getting into the technical details (which I know
isn't that interesting until later on in the project).

Alright, I'll have to rewrite this letter. Thanks for willing to
help out! Appreciate it lots. Any further thoughts?

EDIT: I have updated the letter. I think it's a little bit better
now... but again, I'll need your point of view. Thanks in
advance!

Asher

Thank you very much Ray, I would never have seen that
if you didn't point it out. Thanks! Yes, I've changed that
and I've also gone through the whole salesletter to see
if there's anything I can make more specific.

Asher

Hi Crystal,

Your doubts are understandable. Firstly, I actually
want to do a written sales letter because if I can't
even do a proper written one, I probably won't be
able to do a good video sales letter.

Frank Kern & Co. are all expert marketers and they
are able to pull off video sales letters because
they've been doing it for so long -- it's in them
(at least that's what I believe to be).

Thanks for asking though

Asher

Hi Roger, thanks for your critique. If I read you correctly,
I get my prospects to read this salesletter by posting
it on the "Warriors for Hire" thread. I'll be targeting
existing information product ebook owners.

Thanks, I'll go for that "professional" instead of
professional-looking because well, I probably am still
not that confident in writing daring copy. And yes,
handmade might be a bit weird sounding but I'm using
that to state that they'll be made with care and
attention, like grandmothers with quilts (with love).

I don't use high-tech gadgetry (not yet).

I'm still trying to write a good subhead. Thanks for
pointing that out... I'll have to reword the tweak to
something else.

Excellent point, I'll be using that (should I use names?
hrmm... better not).

I don't have any quotes or proof at the moment. Will
have to look around for it but yes, I know what you
mean by doubling or tripling the price without scaring
prospects.

That's why I used 45% for people who want to play
it safe and I stated that if they want to "push the
envelope", they could go double or triple their selling
price.

I am providing the service, but if they want to know
how they can double or triple their selling price w/o
scaring their prospects, then I would recommend
them a copywriter (or tell them to get back to their
original copywriter) because this is not in my field
of jurisdiction.

With regards to the technology, I didn't want to
confuse or scare away prospects by talking all
technical so I intentionally left out a lot of the
technical stuff.

I do believe that people are more likely to deal with
that in a private 1-on-1 setting - not in an open
salesletter where I could get them uncomfortable
and lose the sale. If they would want to know more
about the technical stuff, I do offer more information.

Yes, it's pretty much like an audiobook in video
format. I actually aim to give the audio together with
the video as a hidden bonus (not saying that very
obviously, just hinting it in the letter).

If there are any visuals in the video, yes, they'll
become gnarly. Because I'm not using a high tech
Flash video presentation yet. Video is a lossy format
and when stretched to big enough, anything can look
gnarly.

But again, I stated in parenthesis that this is the
default format. Other formats would be available only
on request - which would mean that they would have
to pay for it. But I would like to handle that kind of
discussion privately.

Oh, thanks for pointing that out! I had changed that
but apparently, my save didn't save. I recognize that
only having 10 slots will put a limit on me so I reworded
that to something else... but I forgot what I wrote so
I have to rethink that.

This is what I came up with:

• Projects are on a first come first served basis - be
  sure to get your slot in before someone else!

Thank you very, very, very much for your critique
Roger. I'll definitely rethink about this and write down
all those things and insert those as bullet points
because I think I really need to up my bullets.

Those are the exact things that I need to insert in
the first part of my sales letter.

Take care, Roger!

Asher

Yes, I recognize that Roger. I'm not saying that
anyone of them are not good, in fact, I'm very
thankful for your inputs. I'll just have to find the
middle ground to mix what you're trying to say
with what I'm trying to offer and what I'm doing.

I'll definitely be addressing them in my letter. I'll
just need more time to work them in

Asher