I need help desperatly, please review

3 replies
I have an appeal up on the web, but it is not getting the results I had hoped for. I have asked everyone I know of to please spread this around on their Facebook pages and anywhere else they can, and most if not all have done so, according to what they say. I am wondering if my appeal is worded wrong.

I didn't have a whole lot of money to spend on the wording, and I posted the job on Iwriter.com. I had someone contact me and offer to do the job for free, and so I let him do it. I am never going to reach the goal at this rate, so I am asking for your help to review it and tell me what I can do to make this happen. I think it is a matter of life and death.

Please review the appeal here https://www.giveforward.com/fundrais...idney-for-tim/

Any help is greatly appreciated.
#desperatly #review
  • Profile picture of the author Jason Kanigan
    Sorry to find out about your trouble, Tim. Best wishes on getting the help you need and recovering.

    Unfortunately the appeal is generic.

    And it is basically unreadable because of the "gray potato smear" solid block formatting.

    The amount to be raised needs to be at the top along with the reason. I mean repeating it again, underneath the headline. Really hit it home to the reader. The way the page is laid out (which you don't have much control over), it's easy to skip the headline entirely and go right into the copy.

    Change the headline's second sentence to "Your Help WILL Save a Life."

    Donators should be encouraged to contribute a specific amount...$10 - $100 or more if you are able, for example. $135,000 is a pretty big sum and people may think, "What's my $10 going to do; it'll hardly make a dent in that". I know you have something like that down near the end, but people aren't going to get that far with the layout as it is.

    The quotes/testimonials from other people are interesting, but people are never going to get that far down the page. Do a character count and find out how many you can fit in before the "view more" link is. Right before that, you need a hard-hitting reason for them to expand the text and read the rest.

    There are some other typo issues: missing punctuation, strange capitalizations etc. in the copy but those are secondary.

    **In Your Signature**

    The 's' at the end of your last name has been deleted by accident; replace it.

    Instead of a funny-looking, abbreviated link to the donation page, have something like "Tim Needs Your Help for a NEW KIDNEY--Please Donate" and embed your link around that. This will perform much better than a "Please Visit" ugly link with no reason given to do so.

    Another place you could post is pitchin.com but it's probably best to concentrate traffic to one destination.

    EDIT:

    Just posted for you in the Off Topic subforum. That should get some attention. The suggestion was made that we do a WSO, which I did with some Offliners for Ken Strong and has been done for others, and I'll head that up. If anyone has a product they want to donate for inclusion in a WSO for this, PM me please.

    Tim, what we'll do is hook the WSO up to your paypal account so the funds go directly to you.

    Also, I have added the donation link to my sig.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[8558509].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author timpears
    Thanks Jason. I replied to your PM.

    I asked the Help Desk if I could post this in the Off Topic Forum, but they told me I had to post it in the Classified forum.

    I appreciate any help you can give me. I will try to fix the appeal as you said when I return from dialysis tonight. I am obviously not very good with words, so wish me good luck.
    Signature

    Tim Pears

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[8558726].message }}

Trending Topics