Dunk Like A Boss in 12 Weeks! Please critique my sales page.

Hey Maks,

I like this page more than your six pack one, but there's things you can improve.

I don't really like the headline. Is there a conspiracy amongst athletes and trainers to keep me from dunking? Why would either camp care if I can dunk or not? So straight away your headline doesn't ring true for me.

If there's a secret that the pros have, I think you'd be better off alluding to it more in this kind of way..."Discover The Secrets Pro Athletes Use For Explosive Vertical Jumps...Copy Their Training Style And You'll Be Dunking For The First Time In Less Than 12 Weeks'

There is a famous headline by John Caples that goes like this: "They laughed when I sat down at the piano. But when I started to play!~" You could use the same structure here: "They all laughed when I said I was going to dunk on them. But when I exploded off the ground..."

And then go into your story. I'd talk about how you grew up playing basketball and dreamed of the day when you'd be able to dunk for the first time. But it never happened. How all you wanted was to be like MJ or Dr J or Kobe or whoever, and to be able to soar like them. But you soon just accepted that your lack of height and genetics meant that it'd never happen.

Then while you were shooting around one day you met 'Joe'. He was 5'7", white, and looked like he should have been programming computers instead of shooting hoops. But then you saw him go in for what you thought would be a layup but he took off, defying gravity, and dunked the ball with ease.

You had to know how he did it, got talking to him, he told you he knows one of the trainers that the pros use, learnt all their secrets and exploded his vertical jump. You started training the same way and in less than 12 weeks you were dunking like you'd always dreamed of. Etc etc.

Something like that for example. I'd also suggest talking more about the actual training involved. You haven't really given any info on what's involved or what to expect. Just saying weight training and pylometrics doesn't really cut it. Give some descriptive info and explain why it works. For example "This one X exercise alone was shown in a study by Y to increase the vertical jump of test subjects by 27%". Do you have any scientific data you can use?

I like the videos you've got for proof though. That 5'7" guy dunking is awesome!

Tim.

Why do you think I should remove that?

What if I get rid of Vertical Jump w and change the title to something simple like Here's how you can increase your vertical instantly?

Yes, I'd put it down by the price.

I've got some wording I've used before...later when I get back I'll post it.

Price is something you'll have to test. Of course the idea is to get all you can.

I notice the poster above said $17.

You'll only ever get as much as you can persuasively justify.

As far as using YouTube...I don't know. I've not tested enough to know.

I know I've seen some profitable sales letters that use YouTube and others that have their own players. Maybe someone else can give you their experiences with it.