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Trip to vegas copy

by jeff16
1 replies
I have this ad that I am sending out via direct mail, and I know that it takes time continuously doing this in order to get a good result, but I want to make sure that the copywriting etc is good to improve my response rate. I have attached the front and back of the design and text. If anyone can give me some feedback on it, I would appreciate it.

Front:
(big Las Vegas sign in the middle of the page)

Free trip for two,
flight and hotel included!

Back:

For a limited time, buy or sell your home OR complete your mortgage financing with us and we will send you and a companion to Las Vegas!

Contact us today for details.

(picture of realtor and mortgage broker with contact information)

PS - If you don't need our services but know someone who does, pass this offer on to them and receive a $100 gas card upon the completion of their transaction!
#copy #trip #vegas
  • Profile picture of the author James Clouser
    Hey, Jeff:

    What kind of list is this going to? Your personal list?

    If not, what is your business exactly? How would they already know what you do, and why would they refer you blind to a friend?

    Keep in mind a lot of consumers get those scam postcards that promise a free vacation. Leading with an offer like that may trigger people who have been burned in the past... or simply arouse suspicion.

    It's a big "out of nowhere" kind of offer. What precedes this piece in your sales funnel?

    There's no specific call to action. "Contact.... for details" isn't specific enough. What do you want them to do? What's the phone number?

    Depending on what you're trying to do, you may be better off sending a lead generating letter.
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