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I don't Do Replicated Websites I Designed My Own Please Dump It!

by PeterBenson
10 replies
As a matter of fact I am an associate of a business model promoting mail order/direct marketing with a system so called 1-2-3 Power System. When I signed up as an associate with this business, I purchased a replicated marketing website which for some reasons I did not feel very comfortable promoting for some various reasons. My domain name for the replicated website is offlinemillionaire dot com. So I went ahead and designed my own website earnmillionsoffline dot com. Before I start promoting this website could some kind warriors criticize my sales copy, and please tell me on a scale from 1 to 10 one being the best which category my website falls.

Peter Benson
#designed #dump #replicated #websites
  • Profile picture of the author John_S
    Being the charitable guy I am, the rating is three out of a possible ten.

    The reason is simple. You go out of your way saying you are not going to do a variety of things the hucksters do -- then you go out an do every last one.

    Seriously. You write you will not say what it's not. Then you immediately say what it's not.

    What. The. Heck.

    You've lost every last crumb of possible credibility ...that even the hucksters manage to cling to. This letter compels me to repeat Buy My Stupid eBook is not a template - it's a joke.
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  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
    The funny thing is that you're not actually that bad a writer.

    But your website is a definite "1".

    For a start, it's so hype-tastic it's incredible. Pictures of sacks of money and hundred dollar bills? $30 000 a month? A header with expensive cars and tropical trees?

    WHO THE HELL WOULD BELIEVE THIS CRAP?

    As I said, the actual writing is okay. Sentences are painfully long and confusing, but you have a fairly good "tone".

    I think you need to shred all the hype and bullshit out of your letter... communicate with your prospects in a real, honest way - the way you tell them you're going to do.

    If you tear out all this... you'll probably be left with about twenty words, so then you can start writing again without all the bullshit.

    -Dan
    Signature

    Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

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    • Profile picture of the author Alexa Smith
      Banned
      [DELETED]
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      • Profile picture of the author John_S
        this is simply not the type of "opportunity" for which your normal criteria would apply
        You have a point. Unless the writer has gone out of his way to say he's not going to do that, and instead writes "...unlike every other blind offer out there which purposely fails to tell you what the off IS (because it doesn't work) or only mentions what it is NOT (because you would laugh if you knew) I will expose everything I know ...nothing will be hidden from you."

        Then it departs from all those other letters. And when you say you're going to do something in the course of a letter, and then don't do it, that's a mistake. Even given the hype may work for the other letters -- you have singled yourself out and telegraphed you are not going to write that kind of letter.

        If you are saying what it is not means the product doesn't work -- then YOU say what it is not -- you're essentially saying what you sell doesn't work.

        You can't have that inconsistency in copy and expect a good response. Others may use hype, but they never tell you they won't beforehand.
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  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
    Alexa,

    Thanks for your reply.

    I admit (as is obvious, no doubt) that I didn't research the product. From what you've mentioned it sounds pretty shady (heck, if it gets banned in MLM forums it has to be pretty bad!), but I still wonder if response wouldn't be greater if it was "toned down" a little.

    At its heart, this opportunity centres on what everyone wants - freedom, security, money, power... all that good stuff. Which means that I believe that the "standard" criteria would still improve response. Could be wrong though.

    In the site in his sig Peter says he makes at least $300 000 a year ("more than the average worker makes in a year in a month") so either he's lying... in which case he better have a damn good liar... or this opportunity is actually making him some decent money.

    Either way, I would imagine making the prospect feel the pain of their current situation... offering them hope... showing proof/credibility... testimonials... standard direct response stuff... well, I imagine that would convert a lot better than a letter filled with unbelievable hype and false promises.

    And ultimately how good the product is has little to do with the copy... except the legal aspect of making claims. It impacts on other stuff like customer satisfaction , refund requests, being investigated by the FTC and whatever... but copy-wise? You're really just presenting an offer... the customer doesn't know how good or bad the product is until they actually get it.

    I could definitely be wrong though - there's a first time for everything, right?

    Seriously though, you seem like a very intelligent young woman so I would be interested in continuing this discussion. One of the things I love about this forum is that it always helps me expand my mind and my understanding of things... which is great.

    Kind regards,

    -Dan
    Signature

    Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

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  • Profile picture of the author Ben Rudge
    I can't believe we're even here commenting on this guys post...! It's clearly spam. He's asked us to "criticize" his stuff but his motive is obviously to get us to read his sales pitch and hope we'll buy his product.

    Ben

    P.S. Why ask people to "criticize" you anyway? Don't you mean critique? Those are two very different words.
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    • Profile picture of the author PeterBenson
      Originally Posted by Ben Rudge View Post

      I can't believe we're even here commenting on this guys post...! It's clearly spam. He's asked us to "criticize" his stuff but his motive is obviously to get us to read his sales pitch and hope we'll buy his product.

      Ben

      P.S. Why ask people to "criticize" you anyway? Don't you mean critique? Those are two very different words.
      Thanks for all your input, I will revise my website accordingly. By the way this is not my product (it's sold by many other marketers) I mentioned in my thread that I am an affiliate for 123 P/system with a replicated website like any other associate but I am trying to develop my own sales copy. I am genuinely seeking help. So if you missed the point remember 'Everybody is not a spammer'

      Peter Benson
      Signature
      Earn 2.7 Million in 2014... Guaranteed! 2014
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  • Profile picture of the author Jon Steel
    On a side note, why are there so many different shades of purple all over your website to include you and your suite? Is that just your style or has there been a market study on this color?
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