Can I get someone to review our salespage please

There is no benefit to the reader written into your headline whatsoever.

You have to turbo charge your headline and subheadline like Justin said...that left me with nothing...

Michael-

Like the other guys have
pointed out, your headline
needs sharpening...

It's good to call out the exact
prospects you're speaking to,
but to have that as the main
weapon in the headline package
will usually lead to conversion
problems...

You may want to consider using
that as the prehead instead.

Also, I think you're losing people
with the lead into your main letter...

Is there a reason people will care
that you and Star made money
from affiliate programs?

I think you'd be much better off
reframing the lead to about your
prospect 100%... otherwise a
lot of your readers are just
going to click off the page.

Hope that helps

-David Raybould

It's better. It'll at least motivate some people to get to the sub-headline, but you need to dig deeper.

If I may offer a suggestion. I always avoid opening any piece of copy with a question someone could say "No" to. If somebody looks at that page and sees the question and thinks to themselves, "I'm not into developing products", or even "Developing new products is already easy to me" they won't catch the rest of your message even if they read it. Their brains have already categorized the information as non-vital and not worth absorbing. Try making that question into a statement, or try making the lead in question one that 90% of people will not say no to. I am new to IM but I have been writing copy for over half a decade now in the radio industry. I don't know if this technique could still apply, but you might give it a try.

You need to run spell-check. In the subheadline: Whoever told us that all you had to do was keep pushing this affailate (should be 'affiliate') program

And Are you a struggeling affiliate marketer? -- no 'e' in struggling.

although I liked your graphics and felt the copy read well enough... I wasn't sure that I got what your product does. So does it help me create my own product using PLR? Is it PLR and instructions for how to use it?

At one point you say: step back and take a look at all the top marketers...they are ALL product owners.

But later you say your product offers: The ability to increase your affiliate income by creating onine affiliate money magnets .... so are you helping me to increase my affiliate income or telling me that I should focus on creating products?

If you are inconsistent, then you lose credibility.

Ok, just from skimming, a few points...

Headline - zzzzz... Doesn't make me want to read more.
And develop new products? Sounds like work to me. People don't want to pay to do work.

I absolutely, under no circumstances, advocate putting curse words (or even mock curse words) into your sales copy just because. YES it has worked on other sales letters, but it is just like swiping... You have to know why it worked to use it effectively.

Cash Cow Milker reads... Strangely. Almost perverse. Rephrase.

Your copy needs quite a bit of work to get it converting well. Scrap the "I know what you're asking" part. They know you know, because you're telling them what they're already thinking. And if they aren't already thinking that, then your copy isn't written very well because you aren't joining the conversation going on inside their heads - you're creating your own, and forcing it in through their eyes. Don't work that way.

The product is probably introduced too early. You didn't get them wanting a solution yet, you just told them that they have a problem (that they already know about) and that you had that problem, too.

Stop using the word "imagine" where it really doesn't need to be. Like before the word "discovering" for example.

Get rid of your IMer quotes. Especially your own - people can see right through that. Don't quote yourself...

If those quotes are important to you, integrate them into a sentence, like this:

"Frank Kern once said, "Blahbidy blah blah."" (actually I think he did say that somewhere... LOL!) Then tie it into your story.

I wish you luck, but that copy needs a serious overhaul.

- Cherilyn
The Canadian Copywriter

Others have already said a lot of good stuff, so I'll just point out one bit that really stuck out for me.

I didn't catch what you're offering. Is it a bunch of PLR articles? Is it a method for using PLR articles? You mentioned creating my own product somewhere at the beginning, too. Communicate clearly what you're offering.

great comments..thank you... I'll start making those changes that you recommend

Michael

We have revamped our salesletter....hope you like the changes. Please give us your comments on it. My PLR Cash Cow


Thanks
Michael

Some of the sales copy is asking a question and answering it with the question itself. Below I have posted a part that should either be removed or revamped, it is more or less saying "If you read our book, you will learn what our book is about". It says nothing about specifically how it will benefit the reader.

Example:

"
Implement the proven techniques in our book and you can take simple PLR products and turn them into just what you need to jumpstart your business...and do it far quicker and easier than you could have ever dreamed of!"

Thanks James,

After reading it a few more times I can see what you are saying. Fixed it up.

Thanks
Michael

What a great post......well, the answers to the post. This is a great working example of what you should and shouldn't do and why. I wish I saw the sales page in its original form.

Add a Sitemap.. for Search Engines' Spiders and also for visitors.

OK! Here it is.

Before you try to take someone's money you need to catch his attention and make him invest his time with you.

So Taking Money = Catching Attention + Investment.

So instead of focusing on taking someone's money you MUST focus on how to catch his attention and then build comfort with him.

You are somehow good at the first one but i thing you page needs to be longer so the person feels that he has invested a time = giving you money


Hope i have helped you.

Have a nice day.