Please critique: in the beauty/anti-ageing niche

Just be 2 cents.

What's the benefit in your headlines? " Forehead winkle superfood"
I would write "Superfood that make your forehead look 20 years younger"

"Which foods are really bad for your forehead skin"
mine " 14 food you should avoid for a better-looking forehead skins"

your CTA copy is a no-go
"send it to me, lena"
Mine " Sign up and discover the secrets to youthful forehead skin"

Main page headline is good but do continue to split test.

"secrets revealed:discover these simple, but powerful..."
mine " Just released : 7 shockingly simple secrets uncovered by MIT scientist that Japanese women have used for centuries to keep their forehead looking Beautiful and radiant"

First paragraph was good in pulling the readers in but can be better...
" Hi readers,

I know you are here because of bad forehead skin. Just two years ago, I was like you, haunted by bad forehead skins and all the embaressesment and anxiety that comes with it. I looked high and low for the perfect solution. Some were way too expensive while some where downright scams. But after close 2 years of constant searching, i finally found something that truly works for me. But first let me show you the proof, continue to read on"

Alright that's all from me. Let me end off with 4 things that every landing page should have
1) Benefits must be clearly communicated
2) Good and RELEVNT images is worth thousands
3) always social-proof your landing page
4) CTA copy must be strong and get user excited!

You do not neccessary have to use my ad copy words for words. Just hope my post can help you spark some new idea in you. And keep split-testing.

All the best!

* The headline is a bit insulting. Yes, wrinkles are ugly but no one wants to hear "your ugly wrinkles".
* Specificity. What simple secrets? How many? Why are they powerful? how lasting will the results be?
* The testimonial is simply unbelievable. Why? I don't know if this is because I'm a copywriter or because it looks made up but people generally do not talk this way.
* I have never worked on a product for forehead wrinkles, only wrinkles around the eye. When it comes to these, there are basically two solutions - anti-aging creams and Botox. May worth mentioning the last.

More to come later.

Razvan

Take a look:

1. I personalized the lead with the word "I". It's a human interest story people can relate to. Short. To the point.

2. When I say "I don't know about you", I'm understating the reader's situation. Of course, I know. They have ugly, embarrassing forehead wrinkles or they wouldn't be reading.

3. The lead doesn't telegraph you're trying to sell the reader.

4. The pictures really tell the story. Putting them above the fold practically compels a prospect to read on. Captions are important.

5. You're not unintentionally insulting people. You're initially talking about YOUR feelings, your situation, not theirs.

6. Later on, you can "twist the knife" if you need to.

- Rick Duris

there is no hook for your headline here.

it doesn't catch attention.

there is no promise in the lead, no urgency,
no attempt made to really connect with the reader, to have a conversation with them.

Tackling shame issues in selling head on is a bit tricky...you need to take a more gentle approach.

Why do I need to order now? as opposed to just thinking about it.?

just for starters,

Great suggestion from Rick there. : )

I'm very much an “Apprentice Copywriter” however here is my take:

Make your homepage (at least initially) look like a “personal website.”

At the moment the first thing people think when they arrive at your page is: Advertisement. (Because of your headline and the testimonial.)

You want to communicate the you are a real person telling your story. The headline and photos that Rick aligned would be amazing for making your website immediately look like you're a real person sharing how you “cured” your wrinkles. And, the design of your copy from “Hi my name is Lena …” to the testimonials would be great too.

Just something to consider.

Somebody caught the vision quick. Thanks, Jonathan.

OP, I recommend you hire Jonathan to build the promotion out based upon what I started. You've got a lot of the pieces, and they're good, but unfortunately, you've over-saturated the current version with crap. I just don't have the time to redo all of it.

But it seems Jonathan's ambitious. He'll probably give you a good deal because he's new. The good thing is he understands what I was trying to accomplish.

No matter what you decide, good luck.

- Rick Duris

Thanks for the recommendation Rick. : )

If you're interested apeforest, send me a PM. I'll consider a “Sales Letter Makeover” for your ad in exchange for a testimonial.
(If anyone else is interested in doing the same, just let me know.)

thanks a tonne guys! Jonathan, just PM'ed you :-)