I want YOUR opinion !

Looks very professional. Who are you marketing this to? Ever try to syndicate it? what about people who may have a problem with their eyes and can't read it. I'd put in a video explaining the system. Might help. I think its too wordy for me but thats just my opinion. I have lots of videos and advice I give my audience when trying to "sell" a product. remember no one whats to be sold something. They want to buy. I do like the third party referral section. That's helpful. But I would do a short 3 minute presentation to prove your system works = more interest.

Next section how are you planning on putting eyeballs on to this? I may have a system that can help you if you're interested in syndicating it. Let me know by emailing me at bob@chnevin.com.

Hope that helps some.

-Bob
Find out how you can personally work with me by clicking here

Thanks guys!

Anyone else ?
Any suggestions for improvement?

Narrow the page and use shorter lines. That'll move their eyes downward faster. Reading those long lines left to right is too much work.

I couldn't make it through the headline...

...or the blur of massive text blocks in tiny type filling a huge, wide layout.

Know what?

I don't like criticizing without offering a resolution - let' improve the readability of the layout because without that, it doesn't matter what the copy's like. It ain't gettin' read.

Try changing the body copy typeface in OP to Georgia or Verdana - 14 or 15 pt.

Make your Subheads Tahoma Bold 24 pt

Switch to Thin Sales Style 2 page style in OP (much thinner layout)

T-shirts are a lot more expensive than $6.98. I'm lucky if I can find one for $15, but more than likely I'm looking at $20 and more. But more importantly, why is that your example?

Who is your target market? Does your target market love fashion and constantly buy new clothes?

Your target market is people looking to make money online. How much further have you segmented? If it's a general market like that, you'll want to put something generic as your "For the price of..." like a cup of coffee, because your target market can relate to that.

I love to buy T-shirts, but I still can't relate to your example because that's less than half of what I pay for a T-shirt. When I'm paying less than half of normal price, I get suspicious and start thinking it must be low quality. And if you're comparing the price of your product to something that is probably of low quality, I start thinking maybe your product is low quality, too. And I haven't even tried it yet.

I do recommend having a number of pages for the same product with a DIFFERENT sales pitch for marketers looking for traffic through: social media, search engines, direct linking, and every other type of traffic your course helps with. Then tailor that for people who are doing it for a blog or for their ecommerce site or... whatever.

This is called market segmentation. It will make or break your conversion rates.

Oh and there are tons of typos "How does former poor telephone technician mange to drive 16,606 high quality visits a day to his website?" and missing punctuation "My name is Ohad LeviPERIOD I’m 28 and I’m a former telephone technician." I'd recommend hiring a proofreader to go over your website. Even if you're an English genius it's always a good idea to have your proofreader be a second set of eyes.

I always use one before I send out my work, even though I've tweaked everything I've written a million times already.

Good luck!

@DaniWright so you're saying a cup of coffee is a better idea? Makes sense to me !

Don't you think that 6.88 is a bot on the high side for a cup of coffee? It's more $3 or $4 from where I come from. What do you think ? Do you have a better option ? I'm brain something here but can't find something !

Get to the point faster. You're repeating yourself several times in the copy. "Like I said, my name is Ohad". Don't use lines like "Like I said". And use more subheads.

anyone knows how to make the changes BrianMcLeod offered ?
I'm using OptimizePress .

Thanks !

Anyone please?

Personally I still go old school with Dreamweaver, but in Optimize Press Brian said to change fonts which you do by highlighting the text and changing your fonts. Same way you do it when you post text like this (Tahoma). The style is a setting in Optimise press you'll have to find. Look on youtube.

Add some more photos ? Or put important phrase in table or square

Perhaps you could put up a video and that way you could remove some of the text.
I Wish You All The Best!

Thanks guys !
I'm going to implement some of this if not all.
Anyone else have ideas?

In general I like it, but I simply had to skip that massive wall of text where you told your story. Sorry.

What I would do is to shorten the text radically and make the text area narrower. You already emphasize the important words using bold or capitals, but how about text with italics or different colors?

Whatever you do, please avoid walls of text... Hope I'm not too strict here.

So the product is interesting, but you should also make the text juicy and appealing! It deserves that

Guys I have changed The layout added some sub-headlines and added my picture.

What do you think of the copy ? Here is the new link http://traffictriumph.com/main/ (Don't mind the video)

Still have not much change since the last time I visited. The comment part should add to the left of your site mate. I think you will have more space for commenters then.

Hi,

In my opinion your text blocks are too large. I would only be willing to read large text blocks if I was grabbed by the headline and first paragraph. Unfortunately I wasn't.

So I decided to scroll down, searching the subheadings for the parts that might interest me.

'I Went From Being a Complete Passive Failure To a Successful Action Taker!'

'Let Me Address Some Of The “Fears” (Or Excuses) That I’ve Had:'

I'm here because I want to boost traffic, yet I feel like I'm reading the copy of a different product altogether.

I think your biggest problem lies in your target market. Who are you writing to?

1. People that want to escape the rate and begin their internet marketing career with a god start?

OR

2. The internet marketer that hasn't had so much success yet and is looking for a solution.

Chris

Anyone have ideas on how to improve the hooks and headlines ?