My conversion stinks. Can you fix it? Payment considered

How many unique human visitors have you had to each landing page?

Some of the text on your sales pages are too small to read my end. The web being what it is, I suspect you're going to have to pump up the font size to be sure everybody can see it.

No offense but the sales page doesn't need bubble gum and tape... it needs demolition and construction. You're not making any moves to think like your prospect.

If you're going to continue doing this yourself, it's time for you to jump on the empathy train and ride it till it runs out of track. Get into your prospect's head... and write about what they're going through. Make em feel it.

Open a wound... pour salt in it... then relieve the pain.

Other than that, try to rethink the idea that you'll "consider payment." I mean... you don't go to a doctor and say I'll possibly pay you if you cure me. Copywriters... real copywriters are professionals. A tad disrespectful to ask them to fix it and you'll consider payment.

I see that in your actual post you clarify this as paying from sales (whole other issue). But I'd actually suggest you...

Keep the payment out of it and just ask for help so you can learn how to fix it yourself.

Just my 2 cents.

The font appears small. Or it's just the type of font used. Also the introduction doesn't grab me for some reason. Introduce Joan Allen later when the question is asked by who this is done if you know what I mean. A compelling intro can be anything like this:

"You are probably sick of hearing how you have to lose weight by friends or loved ones. They hardly understand that you simply do not have the time to go to the gym or use diet gimmicks that do not work. But you want to be healthy, don't you?

Discover a healthy alternative used for hundreds of years... etc."

I would do something like that instead. Personally I am sick and tired of seeing the same websites, similar copy and sales pages that sound the same even if the product varies. Go for a more personal approach then letting it read like an advert.

Brigitta,

I only reviewed your first landing page, but, at this stage, your copy is extremely rough. There are issues with grammar, punctuation, clarity, layout, and the sales message. It needs more work. Keep going.

For example:

"If you are even just curious about..."

The extra words -- even and just -- reduce clarity and slow down your reading speed.

But that's just one small problem... here are some others:

1) Your opt-in box "blows up" in Firefox. That makes the entire page look amateurish.

2) Look at your headline:

"Accelerate Your Weight Loss by up to 10% Without Extra Diet or Exercise"

What exactly does "extra diet" mean? Nothing. It's nonsensical. And there are a lot of other errors similar to this in your copy.

3) Don't use blue text or underlined blue text unless it is a hyperlink. On the web, blue still means "this is a link."

4) I've seen the bikini picture you're using in other ads. So I -- and a lot of your customers -- know it isn't you or someone you've helped. With one image, you've dented your credibility. I would replace it.

5) Here's a snippet of clumsy copy from your second paragraph:

"...anyone can lose weight and increase the amount of weight you lose..."

Huh? You shifted person from anyone to you. You need to go through your copy with a critical eye and clean it up.

6) What kind of goofy character are you using for bullets? You know, that "þ" thingy. Replace it with real bullets.

7) I'm not fond of your very obvious and contrived "scarcity" pricing ploy. When I see this sort of thing, I naturally become suspicious -- and so do your customers. Don't try to trick them -- just tell them why it's a good value.

8) Your copy contains a very common mistake: instead of getting right to the point -- that is, right to the benefits your customers are interested in -- you tend to use some sort of "introductory" language.

For example:

"Allow natural healer and herbalist..."

It's stiff and it's boring. Instead, get to the point and then expand on it. If you don't, they may not read long enough to ever get to the benefit. This is why there's an old copywriting rule that says to throw away your first paragraph. So get to the point and tell them what's in it for them.

Hope this helps,

Johnny

Another thing to consider is how are you getting traffic to your website? PPC advertising, ezines, what? Because is you are pulling in the wrong targets prospects - you won't sell regardless of how perfect the sales letter gets (because they aren't looking for your product).