Landing Page Critique

9 replies
Hey guys,

I know you're all busy but if you happen to have five minutes of free time, I'd really appreciate it if you could take a look at the first 'final' draft of a landing page my friend created. I want to give him some advice but as I'm not a good copywriter I figured he'd be better off listening to advice from people that are.

Link taken down on request.

Regards,
Tejabuu
#critique #landing #page
  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    He's not talking about the reader's desired
    result he is after.

    Some decades ago a self publisher sold a book
    on the subject of public speaking through print
    ads.

    The headline and book title was
    "How To Get A Standing Ovation"

    It spoke to their deep desire.

    Telling what the reader wants most and
    having a nice photo of the book then stripping
    everything else out is a strong starting point.

    Best,
    Ewen
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    • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
      Three of the bullets speak to the desired result...
      • Raise Capital For Your Venture
      • Pitch Products Successfully
      • Generate Media Attention
      But yeah, everything else is features and abstract benefits.

      Alex
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  • Profile picture of the author James Clouser
    Alex and Ewan covered the benefits...

    There was a moment of hesitation for me, "Wait... what am I getting again?" You refer to it both as a "course" and a "guide." Just be more clear about what they're getting.

    Drop the "That's not all..." paragraph. Focus on the immediate deliverable. There's no time for lack of clarity on LPs.
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  • Profile picture of the author DanSharp
    Your headline, "
    Subscribe And Part #1 Will Be Sent To You Immediately!"
    is weak. Nobody wants "part #1" -- they want more money, more adoring fans, etc.

    Ditto for your call-to-action button. "count me in" -- are you starting a membership group? Or are you about to blow their minds with explosive public speaking tips that double their charisma overnight?
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  • Profile picture of the author Tejabuu
    Thanks guys! Truly appreciate the input!
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  • Profile picture of the author Patrick Brown
    Banned
    Talking design, bring everything to the center man, it all looks scattered horizontally and makes it definitely a hustle to opt-in!
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  • Profile picture of the author max5ty
    So I'm starting a little vacation today...supposedly...

    At 4:30 a.m. I get a call from one of the lawyers handling a situation at a business I own in Cleveland.

    He wants $8350 to continue a brief or something or other.

    At 6:30, Larry from the food bank I support calls and says the local paper didn't run the latest press release that was put out...

    I pay a guy good money to do press releases.

    At 10:04, Cindy a marketing rep in Boston calls and says there was an issue with the ads that went out about the weekend sale.

    10:15 Gary, in Gary calls and says drug sniffing dogs were sent through a retail establishment I own at the mall because of "reasonable belief".

    Get an email at 11:00 that says We believe the ads ran in the Columbus paper for the fashion line will do good.

    11:41 I read your page and think WTF.

    Have you ever owned a business?

    You think public speaking is an issue?

    This page is probably what you consider "going business".

    Dude, you're so far out of reality it's not even morally sane to critique your IM page.

    Anyways...

    We're getting clearance to taxi.

    Have a good holiday.
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  • Ewen mentioned the famous Ted Nicholas Ad.

    Which has a very similar theme to John Caples classic "They laughed..."

    It would be good to adapt either of them.

    Or....

    Solve the biggest problem people have - they would happily choose death rather than get on a podium and speak to an audience.



    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author perfectde268
      Should establish satellite system good site when it receives new hope good results
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