Sales Page not converting very well - why? | Warrior Forum - The #1 Digital Marketing Forum & Marketplace

15 years ago

Hi Petra,

I took a look at your site, and the biggest change I would suggest you make is to put a really specific, measurable benefit, right in the headline.

Because in this niche, which is highly competitive and hyped up, your headline seems like a "me too" sorta headline and doesn't make your stand out from the rest of the hype. So I think if you cut through some of the noise and get more specific in your headline, you'll get more people into your letter.

So that when someone lands on your site, they can tell what your site is about and what it will do for them.... in about 5 seconds.

When I first land on your site, the first thing I ask myself is "what does this site offer and what is it about"

You can make out bits and pieces as you go along, but you really want to hit someone with a measurable and specific benefit for them, right when they land on the home page.

No matter who lands on your site, they'll be thinking one of three things:

1. How does this site help ease my frustrations
2. How does this site help ease my fears
3. How does this site fulfill my desires

In other words, what is the specific and measurable benefit you offer to someone that lands on your site. Once you answer that right off, people will stay, read more, and possibly buy your product.

But you have to hook them first, or it's the back button right away.

So, maybe on the top of your home page, you'd have a headline that said something like..

"Attention Affiliate Marketer: "Here's How I Make $3823 A Week On My Home Computer... Working Only An Hour A Day... And How You Can Too... So You Can Provide More For Your Family And Spend More Time With Your Kids"

Anyways, Petra, this is off the top of my head, but I just wanted to point out that by putting a more specific benefit at the top of your site, one that pertains to the world of an affiliate marketer, you'd capture more people and get them to read further and see what you offer.

That's a simple message that cuts right to the solution to a business owner's problem.

Petra, I hope I was able to help.

Thanks
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PetraW 15 years ago

Shawn, thanks so much for your detailed input! I will definitely take it on board and see what I can come up with. You are right, looking at it now it doesn't have much pull. Thanks for taking the time!!!
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- Loren Woirhaye 15 years ago
  
  This is bad:
  
  "Petra, I am ready to get my online life back on track!
  I am ready to start earning money from my own niche blog,
  and you are going to show me step-by-step how to do it!
  
  But what is this information going to cost me?
  
  How much is it worth to you to finally find the key to end your "running around in circles" and really start seeing results in this game? - maybe $47, or even $67 - after all, that's what most of the Affiliate Marketing books are selling for these days! Some even go up to a whopping $97!!!!!
  
  To be honest, I thought about setting the price at $67 (I honestly think that that's the minimum of what my book is worth, thinking about the amount of time and effort I have put into it, and compared to other books in the same niche).
  
  But after all, my goal is to rescue other struggling affiliate marketers just like I used to be. A while back I would have gladly given $97 if I could have had access to the information I provide in my book! But I know from personal experience that when you start out in this game every penny counts.
  
  So for a limited time I have decided to put my book up for sale for an introductory price of just $57 $47 $37.
  
  Am I serious????
  YES - that's right! "
  
  How can you claim to be an anti-bullshit marketer and unleash
  that kind of used-car salesman crap in the close?
  
  I personally have seen this hackneyed close used on so many
  underperforming salesletters I am wondering how people get the
  idea it works.
  
  Seriously. This close is bad copywriting and you would be
  better off just stating your price than pretending you are
  giving your prospect a bargain with this sort of narcissistic
  argument.
  
  That stuff can work in an infomercial format because
  the viewer is 1. being entertained, and 2. it's a linear-time
  format where the marketer controls which portion of the
  presentation the prospect gets and when. In a sales letter
  you have no such control and a weak section in the headline,
  order form, & price-justification argument knocks your letter's
  credibility down to the level of the weakest component.
  
  You gotta appear to walk the walk. Also your headline is
  dull and your ebook cover, while legible, is ugly.
  
  You copywriting intuition is not serving you well - you've
  got to get into the prospect's shoes - he or she has MANY
  other options and will buy only when his or her desire
  exceed his resistance. One word for it is empathy.
  
  Lots of work ahead of you to bring this up to snuff - but
  you can do it if you take a hard and critical look at how your
  tone and message is working in your reader's best interest.
  
  Thanks
  
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PetraW

15 years ago

Huh, I feel a bit smashed now! I didn't think it was that bad! But I did have my doubts about my "pricing chapter". Hm. I will have a good look at it and see what I can do to make it better.
Thanks for the very honest input!

Thanks
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procopywriter

15 years ago

Originally Posted by PetraW

Huh, I feel a bit smashed now! I didn't think it was that bad! But I did have my doubts about my "pricing chapter". Hm. I will have a good look at it and see what I can do to make it better.
Thanks for the very honest input!

Hi Petra:

Don't feel bad... The comments may be harsh, but they'll put dollars in your pocket!

Loren had some good points. Intuition and Empathy are very important.

Part of intuition as a copywriter comes from studying great copy by master copywriters (not average Joes). All that learning goes into your subconscious to be tapped when necessary.

But you also have a built-in intuition for how words "sound" and "feel"... and this inner intuition can be a guide to creating more powerful and persuasive copy.

For example, let's look at your headline. Right from the start it bothered me. My intuition knew something was wrong before my brain did. You have a very positive, upbeat word like "Discover"... followed by negative words like "Frustration" and "Confusion."

They just don't go together. Frustration and confusion aren't states you "discover" your way out of--you "break through" them. So it would make more sense to use the word "breakthrough" to refer to "breaking out" of these states.

"Get Focused" sounds like too much work to me. And although any successful person knows the importance of focus, it doesn't belong in this headline. Your prospects aren't there yet. You can certainly teach the concept in your program. But don't lead with it.

"Start Making Money" is very weak. "Start Making" is a weak verb combination. Not exciting. In fact, "Making" sounds like work, too!

"Making Money" is so common there is no emotional connection to it. You have an opportunity to create an emotional impact with this concept... but the words fall short and fail to connect. Be creative here. How can you refer to it in a more exciting and emotional way (without getting too hypey)?

Ex.. "Add dollars to your pocket/bank account" "fatten your wallet" "collecting checks in the mail" You get the idea.

"Other People's Products". Go ahead and refer to it as "Affiliate". Your prospects know what the word means, and it will help flag your audience.

What the headline is missing is a sense of urgency... uniqueness... intrigue... try to add those elements to get the momentum going.

Then... for God's sake don't start your lead with "I guess!" You're the expert! You don't "guess"! You KNOW!

Let your inner intuition guide your choice of every word.

Good luck, and God bless!

Aaron

Thanks

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ericjohnson1981

15 years ago

You should first analysis high converting pages and see what they do different. I'm sure you have seen pages where you feel so inclined to press that buy now!

Thanks

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Emily Meeks

15 years ago

Hi Petra, I see a lot of people have already given great advice, just these few more tidbits...

The headline needs to be rewritten. Right now, it sounds too passive. Something like, "FINALLY, An Affiliate Marketing Course That Will Automatically Skyrocket Your Clickbank Commissions" or something to that effect. Bigger, bolder font. You have less than 5 seconds to impress someone with your webpage, and that headline will be the first thing they read. If they're not hooked, they won't bother with the rest of the letter.

Don't forget that color influences mood. Blue is a calming, relaxing color, the kind you want in your bedroom. Red on the other hand, has a stimulating effect on pretty much anything - whether it be appetite, sex drive or impulse. Take all the blue statements you have and put them in either red or black (you won't want too much red, or it won't stand out).

Put your free course at least twice in your letter, once towards the beginning and again towards the end. You can also install a script that will capture name/email address before they ever view your letter, and then keep the free course at the bottom.

NEVER say words like "buy now". People hatehateHATE to be sold to. They want to be convinced, to get recommendations, but no one likes the salesman attitude. Replace that text with something like "Secure Your Copy Risk-Free".

One last thing: direct selling is just that... DIRECT. Cut out every last unnecessary word. Potential buyers aren't concerned with fancy trimmings - they want to know, "What's in it for ME?" Target that audience, answer their questions and be done with it. Everything else is extra.

I hope I helped, best of luck!

Thanks

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Jon Steel

15 years ago

1) Your Headline is Weak
2) The second question you ask on your website is vague - clarify.
3) Your third qustion is summed up only by using the word "frustration" -

Here is a secret about asking your prospect questions: MAKE SURE THEY ARE QUESTIONS THEY AGREE WITH (if not you will lose them).

But here is a BIGGER SECRET: Open ended questions are better than simple YES or NO questions. What if I ask you these two things:

a) Are you frustrated about re-writing your sales message over and over?
b) Right now, can you just imagine the frustration of writing your sales page over and over?

In (b) it is open and your own imagination paints the picture (hence - its more powerful).

4)In the beginning - you harp on the frustration a little too much. First give your readers a solid promise that they will get if they read your copy...

5) In what your prospects will learn from your book - you only offer 3-4 bits of info. Aside from this you are just basically saying how "successful" and "happy" they will be. Tell them more - make this section mouthwatering so they feel like they have to buy the book.

js

Thanks

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PetraW

15 years ago

Guys, I am overwhelmed! I know I have written a great book for people who want to start making money on the internet with a blog, but I haven't got the proof to show it yet as I haven't been doing it that long either. I cannot put statements in my sales copy that aren't true - I guess that's why it sounds mellow.

Would anybody be interested in attempting to re-write it for me (for a reward, of course!)? Somebody with a lot of experience? I seem to recoil at the idea of being too pushy - that's me, I've never been one to barter either. And I guess you can tell that I am being too careful in my sales copy probably because I don't want to disappoint anybody should they think my book is not up to scratch... AAAAAHHHH!

Thanks

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Jon Steel

15 years ago

Petra,

No need to feel overwhelmed and you are doing the right thing - not lying or over promising. But just understand when you ask for people's opinions - everyone has one. No one's is necessarily right and no one's is necessarily wrong. They are just different. Because this ebook is your baby - take what you like from the post and ignore the rest. No one will get offended. The true way you will decide what is right and wrong is by testing it.

Hiring copywriters (in my "opinion") is a bit to much this soon in the game. Read what TOP copywriters have done and learn their secrets. Learn how to emulate them. This is all easier than you think - i guarantee it...

js

Thanks

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arttse

15 years ago

Petra

You should probably contact 10-20 super affiliates and request a jv. You have nothing to lose. They will get conversions for you.

Thanks

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Emily Meeks

15 years ago

Petra,

Instead of asking someone to rewrite the sales copy for you, as this subforums headline is, "copywriting - the most vital skill you can learn" really is a true statement. Sure, it may be tempting to just hand the job over to someone else, but let's face it - if you have one successful CB product, you know you'll probably make more, perhaps in different niches. Do you really want to depend on other people every single time?

I'm still learning copywriting (I'm a writer in general, always looking for ways to improve), and one of the first things I would do is to look at successful sales pages and study them. Go to Clickbank right now and find the top five products. What do the sales letters have in common? Jot down notes - color, format, keywords, etc. Then come to this thread and take notes of the advice people here have given you. Apply what you learn.

Remember, don't hold back because you're afraid to disappoint someone. Unfortunately there's always one loser out there who'll shoot you down for any (or no) reason.

Have you thought of running a WSO?

Thanks

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Daniel Scott

15 years ago

Shawn, that was a SEXY post. Kudos my friend.

Loren brought up some great points too, as did Aaron... although I think that "intuition" is something you have to develop as a copywriter.

Every copywriter knows what it's like to put your heart and soul into a letter and have it bomb. It hurts like crazy. But you gotta realize - tiny steps will get you there.

Now, a huge hurdle (particularly in this industry) is credibility and differentiating yourself from the competition. You've essentially stepped into the ring with George Foreman without any boxing training... and it will hurt.

My advice to you - make some money with your method first, get some measurable results, and use them in your marketing campaign.

The trick with writing a letter like this is making people feel like the money will just fall into their lap if you buy their book - without lying or misleading them. It's an art, I guess, and although I think it's fantastic for anyone to learn to write great copy, I wouldn't expect a newbie (in the area of product creation) to hit it out of the park first up.

Remember, you're used to affiliate marketing. Essentially all you've had to do is drive targeted traffic. You probably haven't had to stop and think about how to differentiate yourself from competitors, write compelling direct response copy, or any of that "product owner" stuff.

It can be learned, but like anything, it takes a long time.

My advice to you is to get some massive results using your own system. Then hire a good copywriter who will help you craft your USP as well as write a killer letter... maybe someone like Mike Humphreys ($4 - 6k, I think).

If you do that you'll be in a great position to kick some serious ass.

-Dan

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Sales Page not converting very well - why?

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