Whats Wrong With My Salespage?

15 years ago

There's not a lot of sales copy here... and what little there is isn't very compelling.

A few quick thoughts...

You need a "big idea"... an "angle"... or unifying theme to build on.

There are very few bullet points and they're very weak. You'll need lots of really juicy bullet points to build curiosity and add value.

Many of your report headlines are very awkward and wordy.

I see this a lot in copy: "$97 $67 $37!" I don't know how it came to be popular to do the cross-outs, but the effect is just the opposite of what marketers intend. It cheapens the product, and creates the perception that you had to lower the price in order to sell it.

I would refer to the whole package by a special name that positions it as a "system" or even a "course" rather than a bunch of ebooks. Just a name can be a powerful positioning tool and add perceived value. "The Email Profit Course", for example. Not terribly clever, but something along those lines.

Aaron

Thanks
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Breakthrough Response Rates Without The Hype
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brooks28

15 years ago

Originally Posted by procopywriter

There's not a lot of sales copy here... and what little there is isn't very compelling.

A few quick thoughts...

You need a "big idea"... an "angle"... or unifying theme to build on.

There are very few bullet points and they're very weak. You'll need lots of really juicy bullet points to build curiosity and add value.

Many of your report headlines are very awkward and wordy.

I see this a lot in copy: "$97 $67 $37!" I don't know how it came to be popular to do the cross-outs, but the effect is just the opposite of what marketers intend. It cheapens the product, and creates the perception that you had to lower the price in order to sell it.

I would refer to the whole package by a special name that positions it as a "system" or even a "course" rather than a bunch of ebooks. Just a name can be a powerful positioning tool and add perceived value. "The Email Profit Course", for example. Not terribly clever, but something along those lines.

Aaron

Thanks Aaron

I really appreciate your feedback, I will start making the changes right away.

Would you mind offering me some suggestions for great bullet points?

Thanks
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procopywriter

15 years ago

Originally Posted by brooks28

Thanks Aaron

I really appreciate your feedback, I will start making the changes right away.

Would you mind offering me some suggestions for great bullet points?

Below is a snippet of copy taken from a sales letter I recently wrote for what I named the "The Search Engine Dominator's Club." Included with membership is a complete course in S.E.O.--the "SEO Boot Camp."

It is a series of videos designed to teach SEO tactics. In order to build value for each video (and consequently for the course as a whole), I watched the entire video series and took notes on the content. Then, I wrote a few bullet points to go with the description of each video. Here's the copy describing video #2...

---
Module 2: Effective Offsite Linking Strategies

How to "SEO" all your links to get maximum search engine ranking. (Hint: Never use "click here" for anchor text!)
A "slick" little search query for quickly and easily finding blogs that allow you to comment and place a link back to your site. (WARNING: most blogs use the "nofollow" link, which is a waste of your valuable time. This trick eliminates all such blogs from your search results.)
How to "sneak" into the Yahoo Directory for FREE, and weasel out of paying the ridiculous $299 per year listing fee.
A list of 799 directory sites you can get into for free... PLUS, how to automate the entire directory submission process.
Why "reciprocal linking" is dead... but you'll uncover a "dirty little secret" for easily building all-important 1-way links to get your sites ranking in a hurry. (It works like magic!)
How to do keyword research so you can strategically "pick your battles," and focus your efforts on those keywords and phrases that will get you higher rankings and more traffic faster and easier.

---
A good bullet point for an info product will give just enough information to whet the appetite (and prove you know what you're talking about)... but leave the reader desiring to know more.

Good solid bullets are a critical factor in selling an info product. That's where the value is really created. It reveals to the prospect exactly what they're going to discover in the course.

I have what I call the IRUS formula for creating "eye-popping" bullets. (Get it? "IRUS" .... "eye-popping"? I know it's cheasy.) IRUS stands for Intrigue, Relevant, Unique, Specific.

In other words, reveal a Unique but Relevant piece of Specific information in a way that builds Intrigue. Consider it a 4-way test. When you write a bullet, ask...

Is it unique(not many others are saying this, or in this way)?
Is it relevant (to my prospect and the topic)?
Is it specific? (Reveals specific information)
Is it Intriguing? (Does it make me want to know more?)

Study bullets writen by top pros like Carlton, Clayton, Bencivenga, etc. Model them.

Break your course down piece by piece. What is each component? What will I learn in each piece? This builds massive value.

Thanks

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Breakthrough Response Rates Without The Hype
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Daniel Scott

15 years ago

Originally Posted by procopywriter

There's not a lot of sales copy here... and what little there is isn't very compelling.

I see this a lot in copy: "$97 $67 $37!" I don't know how it came to be popular to do the cross-outs, but the effect is just the opposite of what marketers intend. It cheapens the product, and creates the perception that you had to lower the price in order to sell it.

Aaron,

Perry Belcher (who is a testing nut) tested this and it almost always worked better for him as opposed to just stating the price alone.

Have you tested this yourself to see what the results are?

Having said all that, I agree with Aaron's other points.

Personally, I think there are two main killers in this page.

First of all, you need to build your credibility, ESPECIALLY in the IM field. Your page is extremely light on it at the moment - I learned the hard way that a lack of credibility can kill conversions (something Vin Montello pointed out to me).

Secondly, your writing needs a lot of ironing out. It reads like a first draft - there are spelling/grammar errors, poorly constructed sentences, weird layout issues, bloated headlines/subheads... etc.

Oh, and one more thing - your copy lacks emotion. You're selling a lot of good stuff here - freedom, security, power, luxury... try to inject that into your copy, because at the moment it reads like you're selling toothpaste.

Kind regards,

-Dan

Thanks
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brooks28

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Daniel Scott

Aaron,

Perry Belcher (who is a testing nut) tested this and it almost always worked better for him as opposed to just stating the price alone.

Have you tested this yourself to see what the results are?

Having said all that, I agree with Aaron's other points.

Personally, I think there are two main killers in this page.

First of all, you need to build your credibility, ESPECIALLY in the IM field. Your page is extremely light on it at the moment - I learned the hard way that a lack of credibility can kill conversions (something Vin Montello pointed out to me).

Secondly, your writing needs a lot of ironing out. It reads like a first draft - there are spelling/grammar errors, poorly constructed sentences, weird layout issues, bloated headlines/subheads... etc.

Oh, and one more thing - your copy lacks emotion. You're selling a lot of good stuff here - freedom, security, power, luxury... try to inject that into your copy, because at the moment it reads like you're selling toothpaste.

Kind regards,

-Dan

Thanks Dan for your great feedback.

Could you suggest to me some great headlines and sub headlines?

Also could you make some suggestions on how to improve the layout issues?

I'm a complete noob at copywriting which obviously shows

Thanks,
Ben

Thanks

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procopywriter

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Daniel Scott

Aaron,

Perry Belcher (who is a testing nut) tested this and it almost always worked better for him as opposed to just stating the price alone.

Have you tested this yourself to see what the results are?

-Dan

Good point, Dan. I haven't.

But I'd like to see where it did work. Perhaps there was something in the presentation or positioning of it that helped. Every time I've seen this tactic, it just comes across as cheesy, slightly sleazy, and lowers the value. It smacks too much of "discounting," which is the opposite of positioning. (I think of positioning as the art of adding value.)

I fully understand the power and psychology of the "drop-down." I use it myself all the time... I just prefer to present it in a different way.

Aaron

Thanks

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Breakthrough Response Rates Without The Hype
Free eBook & Blog: Spiritual Copy

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replicawatches Banned 15 years ago

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- Alex Cohen 15 years ago
  
  Would you mind offering me some suggestions for great bullet points?
  
  Ben, here's an article written by Gary Halbert in which he teaches how to write great bullets ...
  
  The Gary Halbert Letter
  
  Alex
  
  Thanks
  
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Jon Steel

15 years ago

Your webcopy is just not good at all. It is very wordy (long sentences) and not powerful at all. You need more emotion packed in shorter sentences. You need more enthusiasm - get excited about it.

But a word of caution - too much emotion without logic in a sales message = HYPE and you don't want this.

But don't get frustrated. Copywriting is a skill anyone can learn. Unfortunately - it costs money to practice...

js

Thanks

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arttse

15 years ago

Ben

Your sales letter is good. Just needs minor changes.

Suggestions:
You may want to get a new domain name. Eg. mailinglistsecrets.

Your website (not your sales page) needs to look like a website if you dont want to get slapped by google. I assume you are promoting via PPC. (Actually 1% conversion is normal).

You will find alot more tips if you can access theclickbankcode.com. A very good product imo.

Remember: You can have the best sales page and get zero conversions if your marketing strategy is poor.

Finally, have you done keyword research to see if there is a market for your product and more importantly if your targeting the right market?

Originally Posted by brooks28

Hey Guys

I would like to ask you what you think is wrong with my salespage?

It has only been converting at 1% or less!

My site how-to-profit-from-your-list.
Constructive critisism only please.

Thanks
Ben

Thanks

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brooks28

15 years ago

Thanks guys, I am taking everything you say on board and I have already begun implementing your ideas.

I have re-written my bullet points, have they improved? or do they still need work?

Thanks,
Ben

Thanks

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brooks28

15 years ago

I have now changed my headline and sub-headline, what do you think? are they too hypey?

Thanks,

Thanks

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brooks28

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Jon Steel

To be completely honest - I like everything except the "HYPER" word used...it sort of makes me think "Hype" for some reason (maybe because that is what you asked)...but I would change that... -

I like how you told your profession...makes you sound like a real person which is powerful!!!

js

Hey Jon,

Yeah I see what you mean about the word 'Hyper' so I have changed it. But the only other word I could think of was 'Super', are there any better words that you think would be more powerfull?

Thanks,

Thanks

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brooks28

15 years ago

I have now re-written and added more content to my salespage at How To Profit From Your List

Is this better? or does it still need more work done to it?

Thanks,
Ben

Thanks

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Daniel Scott

15 years ago

Ben,

A headline is something that takes hours to come up with. If I were to write a headline for your product, I would need to study your competition, study your product, craft a "USP" for you and your place in the market, and then, keeping all that in mind, write about 50 headlines (and re-writes of those headlines) until I got something I could work with.

It is my observation that all truly brilliant pieces of copy have a "hook" of some description... and a quick look through my swipe file affirms that belief. And usually that hook is present in the headline... or if not there, the prehead or subhead.

Hence, writing a great headline just isn't as easy as a lot of people think it is... you usually cannot just "swipe" another headline (although you can certainly get some great ideas doing that).

One thing I've learned is to cut out the excess crap in a headline until every single word is lean, mean, and getting sales. When you just cannot cut it down any further in any way without compromising the power of the message... well, it doesn't mean it's definitely a good headline, but it is a good first step.

-Dan

Thanks

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