Need advice on my copy (written by me)

10 years ago

Originally Posted by saxguru

I didn't really push for the hard sell in my copy, I just detailed exactly what my product is about.

Au contraire, mon frère.

Putting an "Add To Cart" button in the header graphic is aggressive.

It may increase conversions, but it also might depress them.

Anyway, well done. I like how the copy is just one benefit after another. And how the video of the top players provides the necessary emotional impact.

Alex

Thanks

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Quality Copywriter

10 years ago

I felt like I was in an elevator for second.

Structure is all over the place. needs some serious work...

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1 reply

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The Copy Nazi Banned 10 years ago

Originally Posted by Quality Copywriter

I felt like I was in an elevator for second.

Structure is all over the place. needs some serious work...

Yes...it's rubbish. From the School of No Idea. Testimonials from "Shaun" and "Michelle" - like totally believable man. And you "didn't push the hard sell". LOL. With two exit pops?
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saxguru

10 years ago

Alright guys, I'm 17 and still learning. Helpful tips rather than just saying it's bad would be more useful

Thanks
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The Copy Nazi

Banned 10 years ago

Originally Posted by saxguru

Alright guys, I'm 17 and still learning. Helpful tips rather than just saying it's bad would be more useful

We've given you helpful tips. Want more? K. The vid is useless. I presume you play saxophone. I presume you're passionate about it. So why isn't there a video of you playing the thing? And why aren't you "sharing the joy". For instance, I'm a surfer. I'm stoked on surfing. If I were to do a "How to ride a surfboard" product I would have a video of myself in the tube...coming out of the water...talking to camera and saying "Oh man that was great! Wanna learn to surf? Come with me while I walk you through it" followed by footage shot with a GoPro camera with a voiceover explaining what I'm doing.

You haven't written copy - you just have a bunch of bullet-points. That's the lazy man's way of copywriting.

Forget formatting this like a "Make money online" product. Put your heart and soul in it. I'd rather see a sloppy, home-made vid of you talking about how you got started...how hard it was or how easy...what you recommend others to do...and then blow us away with a sax solo. Like Peter says above...this just sounds like lift music.

There's a lot of other stuff. Some others will chime in.

And mate - this is the shark-tank. If you can't take criticism and a bit of friendly banter - admittedly at your expense - then you shouldn't be in this business. Look for the gold in the comments - it's there. Don't get the hump.

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Ian Ralphs

10 years ago

Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi

Forget formatting this like a "Make money online" product. Put your heart and soul in it. I'd rather see a sloppy, home-made vid of you talking about how you got started...how hard it was or how easy...what you recommend others to do...and then blow us away with a sax solo.

Agree with the Copy Nazi comments

.....I learned to play the piano a long time ago after via one-one lessons, but have always fancied learning to play the sax.......its on the to-do list, so something like this would be of interest to me

...now, if I could get a glimpse of what it is that course was offering - videos, member areas, actual content that I would be getting, then you'd have my attention from the start - if I want to listen to Kenny G (or similar) - I'd just go to Google Play or YouTube.

Also, would be really helpful if you could show how it could help a newbie like myself go from zero playing ability to "reasonable" in 'X' amount of time, and how this would be done, then I'd probably be drawn in even more. I'd want to see that its 'do-able', and not just a distant 10 year dream to be able to extract a single note out of the sax......

Any footage of you playing would also be great, especially if you're providing "playing the sax" support etc with the product - I'd want to know that you could at least hold a tune!

Best of luck with the updates ;-)

Ian

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saxguru

10 years ago

Originally Posted by Ian Ralphs

Agree with the Copy Nazi comments

.....I learned to play the piano a long time ago after via one-one lessons, but have always fancied learning to play the sax.......its on the to-do list, so something like this would be of interest to me

...now, if I could get a glimpse of what it is that course was offering - videos, member areas, actual content that I would be getting, then you'd have my attention from the start - if I want to listen to Kenny G (or similar) - I'd just go to Google Play or YouTube.

Also, would be really helpful if you could show how it could help a newbie like myself go from zero playing ability to "reasonable" in 'X' amount of time, and how this would be done, then I'd probably be drawn in even more. I'd want to see that its 'do-able', and not just a distant 10 year dream to be able to extract a single note out of the sax......

Any footage of you playing would also be great, especially if you're providing "playing the sax" support etc with the product - I'd want to know that you could at least hold a tune!

Best of luck with the updates ;-)

Ian

Great suggestions, i'll get to work

Thanks
1 reply

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Tim R

10 years ago

You need to do a better job of enticing people to join your list. Telling them they get a free PDF document sounds boring. Don't sell them on what they're actually downloading, sell them on what it'll do for them.

In saying that, if the actual report that you're giving away is http://www.saxophoneguru.com/wp-cont...th-Support.pdf this, then I would suggest you offer something better. Just giving people a one page PDF doesn't provide enough value, and doesn't even come close to selling them on signing up for the rest of your course.

Tim.

Thanks
1 reply

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saxguru

10 years ago

Originally Posted by Tim R

You need to do a better job of enticing people to join your list. Telling them they get a free PDF document sounds boring. Don't sell them on what they're actually downloading, sell them on what it'll do for them.

In saying that, if the actual report that you're giving away is http://www.saxophoneguru.com/wp-cont...th-Support.pdf this, then I would suggest you offer something better. Just giving people a one page PDF doesn't provide enough value, and doesn't even come close to selling them on signing up for the rest of your course.

Tim.

Very True. I might change it to the whole first lesson free which includes a video as well

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marciayudkin

10 years ago

Hi Saxguru,

For starters, what is it? The book image leads me to expect that I'm getting a book or ebook. However, you also make reference to videos and a membership site.

Who is it for? One of your illustrations shows sheet music. Must I already know how to read music to benefit from your course? Will I benefit if I have never played any musical instrument before and don't have a clue what vibrato is?

Do I get it now? You say someplace that the lessons are set out over time. However, what if I want to learn now?

There are lots more unanswered questions. Don't neglect the basics!

Marcia Yudkin

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Check out Marcia Yudkin's No-Hype Marketing Academy for courses on copywriting, publicity, infomarketing, marketing plans, naming, and branding - not to mention the popular "Marketing for Introverts" course.

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Steve The Copywriter

10 years ago

The copy is all over the place and does need some serious work (don't go into a huff about it because why should a sax player automatically be a good copywriter?).

I typed in "How To Play The Saxophone" on google and there was 4,810,000,000 results.

Can you think of one unique point that makes your course stand head and shoulders above everything else?

It might help if you got a stunning endorsement from a professional player (saying how fast, easy, enjoyable etc the lessons are and why it turns people into skilful, accomplished players).

I enjoyed the different styles of music on the video at the foot of the site - Want To Be One Of The Best Like These Guys? (makes quite a reasonable headline/subheadline).

Wouldn't do any harm to move it up a bit.

Many have said it would be good to hear you playing. Do remember it's expected that you should be excellent. By all means give it a blast to show your ability.

And how about a video of a beginner, who has now done the course. Maybe showing their progress week by week. Ensuring they finish by playing sublimely.

Steve

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The Copy Nazi

Banned 10 years ago

So I go out of my way to steer you right AND YOU DON'T EVEN THANK ME.

Unbelievable. Keep going like that and see where it gets you China.

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Ian Ralphs 10 years ago

Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi

So I go out of my way to steer you right AND YOU DON'T EVEN THANK ME.

Unbelievable. Keep going like that and see where it gets you China.

Just what I was thinking!! Bah humbug and all that ;-)
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KingOfContentMarketing

10 years ago

I found six or seven good sales pages for "how to play" different instruments. You could improve your effort here a bunch by seeing what others are already doing--just correcting the structure alone would help tremendously.

You don't have to be "hard sell" if that makes you squeamish, but you want to be clear. Confused minds don't buy.

One more suggestion from an oldster (I'm 83) that will help you in your career and life. Thank people a lot, as many chances as you can get, more than you think is cool. Thank people for the question, the time, the opportunity, the extra cup of coffee, the suggestion, the extra effort. Don't be obsequious, but take time to acknowledge people. Even when you disagree with them.

Thanks
1 reply

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Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
- Jack Trout

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saxguru

10 years ago

Originally Posted by KingOfContentMarketing

I found six or seven good sales pages for "how to play" different instruments. You could improve your effort here a bunch by seeing what others are already doing--just correcting the structure alone would help tremendously.

You don't have to be "hard sell" if that makes you squeamish, but you want to be clear. Confused minds don't buy.

One more suggestion from an oldster (I'm 83) that will help you in your career and life. Thank people a lot, as many chances as you can get, more than you think is cool. Thank people for the question, the time, the opportunity, the extra cup of coffee, the suggestion, the extra effort. Don't be obsequious, but take time to acknowledge people. Even when you disagree with them.

Could you provide me with some examples of good sales pages for learning instruments? A search on clickbank and google for piano and trumpet hasn't revealed anything

Thanks
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KingOfContentMarketing

10 years ago

Originally Posted by saxguru

Could you provide me with some examples of good sales pages for learning instruments? A search on clickbank and google for piano and trumpet hasn't revealed anything

Try using a proven sales letter structure like this one:

Marketing Article: 12-Step Foolproof Sales Letter Template

A proven sales structure lays out your story in a logical fashion so the buyer understands the pitch. It builds value. One thing leads to another.

Review some "high gravity" Clickbank letters for guitar or piano and see if they have a similar structure to this. They may vary but will be close.

Thanks
1 reply

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Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
- Jack Trout

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saxguru

10 years ago

Originally Posted by KingOfContentMarketing

Try using a proven sales letter structure like this one:

Marketing Article: 12-Step Foolproof Sales Letter Template

A proven sales structure lays out your story in a logical fashion so the buyer understand the pitch. It builds value. One thing leads to another.

Review some "high gravity" Clickbank letters for guitar or piano and see if they have a similar structure to this. They may vary but will be close.

Very useful information, thank you

Thanks

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Need advice on my copy (written by me)

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