Another Please critique (even beat up) my Sales Page Request

Anomaly1974,

I have a few suggestions, copywriting and design wise, so that you can reach your target audience better and increase your chances of converting sales.

One thing that you must realize is that if your design is not credible, your chances of making sales is greatly diminished. No matter how good your copy is, if it is not visually pleasing to the eye, people will be turned off immediately.

1) The "outer space" banner on your site does little to give credibility to what you are offering. Since you are selling Joomla and Wordpress installation and hosting, would it be better to have a banner that include the Wordpress and Joomla logos? Since the banner is acting as your first line of "hooking" the reader, you should always make that headline about what benefit you are offering the reader.

2) Along with the banner, your black background and outerspace theme seems disconnected to what you are offering. If I was casually surfing the net for places I could find Joomla and Wordpress installation and hosting, I would be more inclined to click off of your page immediately for fear that you have nothing to do with Joomla or Wordpress and instead want to sell me telescopes or a "once in a lifetime" chance to take a walk on the moon. Perhaps a theme that revolves around the benefits of owning a blog?

3) The banner at the very top of your page should find it's home elsewhere. It resembles an advertisement, and while you are quite resourceful to use a banner that you found, it looks too much like an ad, and it cheapens the look of your squeeze page.

4) When I click through to your site, the very top of the page should show me what benefit I will get from this site. Would it be more beneficial to make your opening headline a different color, say red? The blue and black text that you have mixed interchangeably is not enough of a contrast to separate your sections. Also, as alexcoh says, your headline should not be your offer, and should be something that hooks them in to read on.

5) Why am I talking so much about design when you posted this in the copywriting forum? Your copywriting is telling the reader that they shouldn't settle for an ugly site, and that you are going to give them a professional looking site! To make that kind of claim in copywriting is good, especially when you are trying to attract procrastinators and noobs, but ONLY if your web design you are selling from is top notch. I'm sorry to be blunt, but how are your customers going to see you as reliable when you say that in your copy you're going to give them a professional looking website when your squeeze page is not that attractive?

6) Don't tell the reader bluntly how your system works. Letting people know that you're getting $50 out of the deal is a huge turnoff and you will not make any sales.

These are just a few suggestions off the top of my head.

My suggestion on how to proceed)

1) Study other squeeze pages. What do they have, how do they present their information, and why do you like/dislike them? Print out a good looking squeeze page and study it. Mark down what is really unique or special about it, and model your site after some of the valuable features of other people's squeeze pages. Make a checklist of some of the best features of the best squeeze pages.

2) Apply this to your copywriting / squeeze page.

3) Read, read, read all you can about copywriting online. There are tons of free websites out there that give you invaluable advice. Look for books that teach you copywriting. There are several do's and don'ts about the convention of squeeze page copywriting, and for the most part, you will do well to heed their advice.

4) If you don't want to do it yourself, you can hire a professional copywriter to create highly conductive copywriting for your website. I would suggest a professional graphics and web designer, as well.

Hope this helps!