Feedback on my first copy?

4 replies
Hey guys, I've been browsing these forums for a few weeks. I am in the process of starting a small internet company and overlooked the importance of writing copy. I thought that I would be able to just naturally do it myself, but had no idea about the psychology and research that goes into it.

I've purchased and read portions of Ca$hvertising and found it to be very intriguing.

My website/app will be SAAS based. It's a studying app for the military. Right now I am working on the home page copy. I was wondering if you could provide some feedback on my first iteration of the 3 bullets that will be placed on the home screen.

Learn Efficiently
We have a secret squirrel algorithm. With it, you will spend more time on the hard questions. And less time on the easy questions. Maximizing your efficiency while studying.

Study Anywhere
You can finally study on the go! Onboard the ship? Conveniently study from your rack with our iPhone app. Downtime in the shop? Hop on our website and study where you left off. Our iPhone app and website sync seamlessly together to save your progress.

Remember Everything…
…with spaced repetition. Our secret squirrel algorithm allows you to remember thousands of facts. It’s science, duh! But no really, it does. Invest in your career today. Give it a try now with our 14 day free trial. You’ll be amazed, we promise.

Thanks in advance, your time is much appreciated
#copy #feedback
  • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
    A few core copywriting principles to learn/apply:

    "Learn Efficiently"
    (DIMENSIONALIZE BENEFITS: So you can ________ and that means ________ )

    "We have a secret squirrel algorithm."
    (CURIOSITY: The secret is in the "Squirrel Algorithm")

    "With it, you will spend more time on the hard questions."
    (DESIRE: I don't want to do that)

    "And less time on the easy questions. Maximizing your efficiency while studying."
    (DESIRE: I don't want to maximize my efficiency - I want to not be studying and have excellent scores)
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    • Profile picture of the author CopyLion
      Originally Posted by BrianMcLeod View Post

      A few core copywriting principles to learn/apply:


      (DIMENSIONALIZE BENEFITS: So you can ________ and that means ________ )


      (CURIOSITY: The secret is in the "Squirrel Algorithm")


      (DESIRE: I don't want to do that)


      (DESIRE: I don't want to maximize my efficiency - I want to not be studying and have excellent scores)
      Thank you much for the advice!
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  • Profile picture of the author BlackGirl
    Great tips, Brian. Lurking and learning with unprecedented celerity. *^____^*
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  • Profile picture of the author charbrown
    Brian's suggestions are excellent, I would only add that you need to pile on the benefit statements and drive readers crazy with curiosity. I am a big fan of compelling bullet points to do this. I have a free WSO that is all about writing killer bullet points, I hope it helps you.
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