Position yourself as an authority critique please

First your English grammer/spelling etc need work.

I'll put the corrections (that I saw in the early part) in italics.


Okay... I give up... I couldn't read any more and other people will abandon reading the sales page if you have that many errors in writing English. Secondly I really have no idea what you are driving at, at this point.... you are writing a letter to offer some other woman's services?? And I have WHAT to make me think that this is isn't just a bunch of hot air??

So get someone to edit your English and tell me specifically what you are offering... don't use vague terms about this being a life-changing experience. What EXACTLY do I stand to gain?

Yep. Matt and Anne are right. A critique isn't going to do you any good.

Every single misspelled word... every single grammatical error docks your credibility and lowers trust. And that's not even the worst of it.

I'm afraid it's back to the drawing board.

i agree with alexa.. domain name first should be corrected

How about "Too" should be just TO in the first sentence of text?

I think your best option might be to employ a professional writer. The cost would most likely be repaid over and over.

Hey guys thank you all the input is great... I had this corky idea and please understand I just wiped the letter up in a couple hours...Not following my normal plan of action that I do...but I am trying to make a point with case study video's on this project

I feel people's biggest problem in not making money is they think every thing has to be perfect so they never TAKE ACTION...I wiped this up just from the top of my head and I will make changes from the results I get from testing tracking and tweaking...

I feel I can document the money that comes in (as we had sales already...not many but my point is I am going to show people to just get going through it up and change it as you go...

I love this forum bless everyone and all your loved one's please check out my changes... I spent a little more time on it today...getvisability.com work in progress...

I have dif hooks and versions of the letter I will be testing as well as up sells and some other things... I will post progress good or bad if every one wont mind...

and getvisability = our ability to get you visible... domain was going to be used for some thing totally dif I didn't want it to go to waste and it's for a small corky idea anyway...also will you guy's mind if I use your posts or advice in my video's you will get full credit

please tell me what you guy's are promoting so you can promote it in my free members site coming soon. I just want to help people to take action...even if a dumb guy like me who cant spell talk or write and has ideas that wont go very far as mentioned above...

can make some money just by taking action and taking small steps and making small changes on the reg...I can make a difference in some one's life...give them hope and allow them to follow a dream and experience the internet lifestyle that some of us live everyday... I have before and will do it again...

God Bless all and keep up the advice

The very least you must do is paste your copy into a Word document and run a grammar and spell check, then make the suggested corrections.

Your copy, as it stands even today, is simply painful to read.

thanks for your time...but what spelling? I am not writing an essay for English class... as far as grammar goes and please point out the grammar...guess my spell check is broken LOL

please tell me why it's painful to read...