Need Help Dialing in a Headline

You want us to do the gig for you? While you take the credit. Pass.

WAAAAAY too much going on in that headline. Narrow your focus, bud.

I have to agree with The Copy Nazi to an extent, but people have given me 2 cents in the past, so here's mine.

A headline is always introducing something, that's why it's in bold at the start of a piece.

IntroducING is also known to be the weakest way to start literally anything, don't ING anything, apart from, well, anything, if you can avoid it.

What's wrong with:

Skyrocket Your Fixed-Ops Profits by 407% in 90 days, GUARANTEED.

That's a headline. You have an opening paragraph masquerading as a headline.

I'm all for power words.

But there may be a touch too many for the dealerships to comfortably and emotionally digest.

And a 36 word headline - even if you don't mean it to - either sounds hypey, desperate (or both).

If you're doing a "benefit" headline the power of 3 works well.


Steve

How about..

Doubles Fixed-Ops In 90 Days

As long as they'll guarantee that or at least make a strong case for it.

Keep in mind that your headline needs to sell just one thing: the rest of the ad.

What kind of headline will force a manager to read the rest of the ad? As you mentioned, job security is big. So why not warn him that he might be doing something wrong -- something that could cost him his job?

And what'll make the dealer read on? Like you said, he wants to outsell his buddies.

I think your best bet then is to find a trigger that will appeal to both groups.

How's about something like:

Is your decrepit fixed-op "system" scaring your customers into the clutches of another dealer?

(Or:
How many customers did you lose to another dealer this month alone because of your faulty fixed-ops "system"? )


Then you lead into a relevant story where a faulty service dept. lost new car sales, or some facts that show a correlation between good CSI's and high dealership sales, etc.

"I Saw a FROG Driving Your Car The Other Day"

Your headline is the attempt to sell to a professional buyer. Will most likely have lame results.

A headline that tries to sell will sell nothing.

So, why don't you draft a headline that talks to the ego?

Couple things about your post I'm wondering about...

sounds like the person you're working with has more experience in the mechanic side of things then they do in the sales side.

I started in the car business in the late 80's and worked my way up to eventually doing training seminars at dealerships. 3 day seminars at about $45,000.00 a pop, and was booked solid...so I know a little about the business.

Unless someone has been in the car business, they don't understand the whole world of dealerships. It's one of the most lucrative, with one of the most extravagant lifestyles of any business. Flashy cars, expensive clothes, high dollar parties...private helicopters, mansions, etc., (not referring to the small time operations).

Now...

most dealers aren't trying to impress their friends in the business (like you say)...they're trying to outsell the competitor across town.

Bob owns a Ford dealership. Larry across town owns a Chevrolet dealership. Larry goes to the factory auction and buys a bunch of factory program Fords and chops the price way down to steal Bob's customers. Bob goes out and buys factory program Chevys and chops the price to steal Larry's customers. The war is on.

The only thing that stops the process is a good salesman. A customer will continue to shop until they meet a good salesman...the dude that stops them dead in their tracks. Same goes for sales letters, by the way. 100 people selling the same thing...one guy who knows how to sell gets the customers.

Other thing I disagree with. 40 years using the same tactics? BS. Most big dealerships are on top of new things.

Here's the banger...

he doesn't want to tell results because he thinks they'll not believe them.

Well...any dealer I know is all about results. Results from the sales department, and results from the service department. If he can't tell me about results without me doubting him, then he probably doesn't have some killer testimonials to back them up. Give any dealer some bold claims with real proven results to back them up and they'll give you a couple minutes to listen to your pitch.

$384,000.00 for consulting and now he's gonna give away the program for about $3000.00? Suspicious. Sounds like the $384,000.00 thing wasn't working too good. If it was why would he fire sale the concept? 3 dealerships a year and your guys over a million in sales. $3000.00 and it's gonna take him over 300 dealerships to earn the same. 300 dealerships a year buying this...you better have some darn good selling skills...

which brings me to this.

He hired you. Seems you either have little knowledge about how to sell his idea...or/and have little knowledge of the business...

which makes me wonder why someone with close to a half million dollar selling product would rely on someone who can't write a headline to sell it for him.

Somethings not adding up here.

Dealers get bombarded with someone wanting to sell them something to increase their revenue on a daily basis.

You better hit them with a big benefit that blows their mind...best chance you have with the path your guy has decided to go down.

Most are not going to visit a website and get excited enough to buy. You're gonna need some top notch selling skills...and usually it's face to face in the car business. Seems you're in trouble here.

Not trying to be negative, just think you're outnumbered here with the guys that know how to get through to the movers and shakers in the car biz.

Outlaw123,

"Introducing a Revolutionary New System That Drives Traffic, Skyrockets Fixed-Ops Profits by as Much as 407%,, Raises CSI Scores 4-5 Points, Boosts Retention and Can Give You Your Best Month EVER in Just 90 Days... GUARANTEED!"


Take your headline apart. Way too much going on. Remember it's always about results with car guys.

"What Would A 200, 300 or 407% Increase In Fixed-Ops Profits Do For Your Dealership?"

If you are targeting service dept managers just change one word in the headline

"What Would A 200, 300 or 407% Increase In Fixed-Ops Profits Do For Your Service Department?"

My reason for this headline is that it is B2B. The target audience is well versed in the topic and doesn't need to be sold like a consumer.

I just passed out trying to read this in one breath. I awoke on the floor with a vision of Jack Trout's "Law of Singularity" swimming in my head.

Get "22 Immutable Laws of Marketing," Law 16. Or Michael Masterson's "Great Leads," Law of one. That's the first thing you're missing.

What a deal you go out and find a client to pay for a gig then you come one warrior forum
and get us to do the work for your client and get nothing.
Wow how is that working for you?

Sorry to burst anyone's bubble, but sales letters to dealerships are a HORRIBLE waste of time and money.

Your best strategy is to return your Client's money. Have them invest the funds someplace else.

Here's why:

First, the dealership turnover is incredibly high. So high in fact, even if you call before you mail, the person you address the letter to could be gone by the time the letter hits.

Second, the letter is much more likely to end up in the circular file cabinet before the service manager or GM ever has a chance to read any headline no matter how great.

My company has sent direct mail to over 20,000 new and used car dealers (there are just over 50,000 in the USA doing over $700 billion a year in sales). Results were pathetic.

One test we mailed 2,000 sales letters. We were so desperate to make contact, we offered $100 just to meet. The sale letters basically just asked for 5 minutes of their time.

Zero takers.

Lumpy mail fared a bit better. But when we asked about the $100 letters, all we got were blank stares. "What $100 letter?"

That's when we knew.

It was obvious none of our previous efforts made it to our intended target, or if they did, they were not opened or read. We mailed all sorts of things. Bank bags, treasure chests, compasses and trash cans. Even fully functional cell phones.

(TIP: You can buy cheap $5 cell phones from Tracfone. Promo code: FRIEND1. They were the most successful.)

The bottom line is we learned the hard way Service Managers, Special Finance Managers, General Managers and Owner/Principals... they're all in professional sales. They engage in toe-to-toe sales every single day.

A sales letter is a waste of time with these guys. They only respect those willing to pick up the phone or walk into the dealership.

So if you suck at personal sales, it's easy to get discouraged.

By the way, their problem is NEVER "we need PPC" or "we need SMS" or "a new website" or whatever.

What they need are MORE PROFITS. Period. If you can't deliver that, move along, son.

Between the Service Manager, Special Finance Manager, General Manager and Owner/Principal... the Service Manager and Special Finance Manager are usually the easiest people at a new car dealership to speak and meet with. They usually have their own budget for profit-generating endeavors (although the GM or Owner/Principal may have to approve.)

So do a good job, under promise and over deliver and the door will be open to other areas of the dealership.

Understand that a service department that brings in enough revenue to cover all of a dealership's overhead is A TREASURE (known as 100% Service Absorption). And THAT Service Manager will have pretty decent job security.

Sorry to be such a Negative Nelly, this is one area I'm intimately familiar with.

I have scars. And I'm happy help others avoid a similar experience.

- Rick Duris

PS: We WERE able to crack the code and sign-up dealerships en mass. It took two years. But not with direct mail. That's a story for another day.

'm all for power words.

But there may be a touch too many for the dealerships to comfortably and emotionally digest.

And a 36 word headline - even if you don't mean it to - either sounds hypey, desperate (or both).