Critique my sales page?

This is PERFECT....

If ambiguity is your goal.

Shawn hit your main problem right on the head.

To fix it, start with qualifying your prospect. People who want to get out of debt should see your sales page and immediately know it's for them.

Study your prospect - what they want, what worries them, how they talk - and write a headline and lead that speak directly to them.

Hello,

Text and content looks good, with nice free white space arround!

May I come with one suggestion.

Take off the Visa Card banner below "Buy Now" buttom. Make the "Free Sample" color in pale Green and "Buy Now" in pale Red.

Delete "Free Sample" buttom ( bottom of sales page ) and let only "Buy Now" (pale Red ) be there!

I found this articles today, and maybe you will find them useful to! ( not my website )

How To Write Seductive Sales Copy Like Apple
https://blog.kissmetrics.com/write-copy-like-apple/

How Colors Affect Conversions
How Colors Affect Conversions - Infographic

if you were selling this to someone on the street or door to door or where ever, would you rock up to them and say...

"screw average...
how to ditch the average and be free...

success is closer than you think...

fortune favours the brave...etc. etc. etc.

how would they react?

would they have a clue what you are on about?

so why do you think it's different online?

mmm. time for a re-write me thinks.

I think you're trying to be too "cute" with your words.

“Fortune favors the bold. This book is for the bold.” - This serves no purpose.

All of your text is centered. Don't do that. It makes things harder to read.

"Who wants to live an average life? Who wants to drive an average car, live in an average house, have an average job, and an average family? I say screw that. I say SCREW AVERAGE!!"

Sounds like you're just bashing you're audience...

It's too vague.

The benefits are all completely open-ended.

It's good sometimes to use "power words" that are vague and simply trigger emotions, but you need to anchor them to specific promises and opportunities.

There's a world of difference between saying...

"I can help you achieve success beyond your wildest dreams"

and


"I can help you get more real estate leads than you ever thought possible in your wildest dreams."

Both are offering the same thing DEEP DOWN, but the second one is more effective because it makes it CONCRETE and TARGETED.

There are occasional exceptions to the "concreteness" rule but they're few and far between.

Overall, citing specific benefits and backing it up with specific numbers wins in the long run.

I sort of get the sense from you're copy that you're trying to do something in the style of "The Secret," the promise of "I can change your life in any way you want."

That CAN work, but there's usually just one or two runaway hits every decade that succeed using that angle.

And to really market something like that effectively you need to run a brilliant campaign or have a pitchman with Tony Robbins level charisma.

Overall, targeted and specific is more practical and more likely to work.

Cliff's:

Rewrite this sales page :p

P.S. I like the visual style you've decided to go with, I think that could work very well. But the writing needs a complete do-over.