Actually ready for a critique now.

I think Mark is saying that it's harder to identify what this copy does right than what it does wrong.

The problems are fairly obvious:

- It's too vague. You're just promising success without hinting at what's going to make it possible. Read Perry Belcher's stuff on "budas." If you're promising results you need to anchor your claim to something that's going to make the results possible. You shouldn't be afraid to give away SOME of the secret.

- There's no hook. What makes this different from the million and one other "success" products out there? I can't see anything.

- The headline is just the title of the book. It doesn't convey any enticing benefits or even arouse curiosity, it literally just says "hey guys I wrote a book about success."

- The paragraphs are too bulky. Paragraphs that are long and full of commas "stop" the reader and interrupt the flow of the copy. They're also intimidating and discourage the reader from even getting started.

- It's "lifeless." It doesn't feel like it was written by someone invested in the project, it feels like it was put together by some article writer working for $10 an hour. It's stiff and lacking in "personality."

Everything about the copy is just amateurish and generic. Whoever wrote this would need YEARS of intense training in copywriting in order to be able to craft something compelling. You're better off just hiring someone who already knows how to write copy.