What you think of my £1million note style copy

9 replies
Hello I'm going to be sending out a direct mail piece soon and I will love and much appreciate if anyone got any ideas how I can improve this piece.

I'm getting little stuck on the reason 3.) heading and sub headings, copy is below:

[£1million note goes here]
From:
Date:

Dear Friend

As you can see, I have attached a crisp £1million note to the top of this letter.

Why have I done this?

Actually there are three reasons.

1.) This letter is important a needed some way to make sure it would catch your attention.

2.) Secondly, since what your about to read in the next 5 minutes concerns money and the future of your business I thought using a £1million note was especially a good idea.

3.) And thirdly, if you're interested in unlocking the hidden profits in your business and how to easily engage with your customers and quickly generate repeat business quickly , with the single most effective marketing tool ever seen...

That takes you very little of your time, and still gives you the freedom to run your business and not worry about how you are next going to allure your customer back through your door.

Then this will be the most important letter you will ever read.

Here's why...

There's one little piece of every business that everyone ignoring. But this is where the money is!


Below are my sub headings

A new way to generate cash paying customers that is far easier, far more effective and most importantly


How you can get the "selling edge" over 9 out of 10 of your competitors


Unlocking the hidden profits inside of your business creating a new revenue stream.

By utilizing mobile apps as part of your overall marketing plan, businesses can continue to attract their share of customers

How to instantly contact your customers wherever they may be


5 ways to grow your brand and business with the latest technology so you can make more sales

How you can encourage repeat business from your ad spend on acquiring new customers

If you want to compete, you need an app

Mobile websites vs. Mobile Applications

Massive opportunity
#£1million #copy #note #style
  • Profile picture of the author Cool Hand Luke
    You completely missed the point of attaching money to an offline mailing piece.

    It's not the same with monopoly money.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tim R
    I'm assuming your post is serious and not a joke.

    For so many reasons this is truly awful.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    I thought using a £1million note was especially a good idea.
    You were wrong. This is like something my 6 year old would do.
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  • Profile picture of the author shakamon
    Definitely not something that would keep me reading. Needs some work.
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    • Profile picture of the author Chriswrighto
      Why would people want a £1million note attached to their letter?

      It's got no value (it's fake.)

      It's another bit of paper they've got to throw in the bin.

      It takes eyes away from your copy (and it has a lot less chance of making them read on, unlike real wonga.)

      I guess you read it here?

      Attach a £1 coin ma man.

      Something of value.
      Signature

      Wealthcopywriter.com :)

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  • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
    Think about the message you're really sending.

    I don't have real money to send you to catch your attention. I have monopoly money.

    Certainly wouldn't convince me that a mobile app, let alone your service, is the way to go.
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  • Profile picture of the author JohnRussell
    Living proof that swiping alone does not a copywriter make.
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    • Profile picture of the author wordwizard
      I would have expected that he didn't use monopoly money but one of the
      very nice-looking million dollar bills from millionbill.com - and I'd think
      they'll work just as well as the real one-dollar bills - or better.

      True, they're not exactly money you can actually use to buy stuff, but
      they're fun and look great and can be used as motivational tools.

      Millionbill also sells them as bookmarks (laminated). And yes, they also sell
      billion dollar bills, but those look really fake

      I'm not associated with them other than by the fact that I have bought
      a few of their notes and bookmarks, so I know what they look like.
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  • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
    Nice to look at? Maybe.

    An attention getter? Possibly.

    Something valuable vs. something gimmicky?

    Houston, we have a problem.

    Gimmicks are not made for sophisticated buyers. Unless that's not who he's targeting. In that case, get your gimmick on brotha.
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