Why didn't this ad work ?

Instead of 'Show Kitchens Urgently Required' (which is your problem, not your reader's - why should s/he care?), something along the lines of 'Get Paid to Show Off Your Brand New State of the Art German Kitchen' would be better as this is now answering the 'what's in it for me?' question/objection.

Successful headline hooks fatigue over time.

All the more when they're deceptive.

Alex

I fully agree with what Alex stated above.

This may not be entirely relevant but I've found that when advertising for my products on my one Facebook page, the "readers" would start to skip over posts if I started them out similarly. So I would change things up a bit, and also be more specific or try to draw them in.

Going off of what V12 said, it's very true that your headline cares more to your own issue.

And while you said you had great success in the past with this, you may be able to change it to something like:

Huge Discounts On Kitchen Renovations

Or something similar - of course this isn't my niche or expertise, so it will be harder for me to hone in on it for you. But I like the format of the ad as a whole.

Just try to make it more capturing for the readers so they want to read it.

Wordwizard has really great input regarding the scarcity tactic. By introducing the limited spots element, you make them want to act a lot quicker.

Good luck and please keep us updated with your results if you re-list the ad in your local evening paper again.

My first impression is that it is very confusing to read and the offer is not clear.

Questions the readers of the Ad may have... (btw, it would be much better doing a postcard delivered straight to the "prospects" homes in the areas and income brackets you want. Rather than an Ad hidden in the back of the paper languishing in the classifieds. Which are still hideously expensive. Usually surrounded with all the competition. And the vast majority of people aren't likely to be in the market for a kitchen).

Back to the questions the good people will ask.

What does up to 50% off actually mean? (can they do a kitchen for any budget, are they high end or cheap and cheerful. Cheap seems more feasible as it's a classified rather than a full color display Ad. But we really have no idea if we need 2k, 5k or 50k).

Do we get anything extra? (other companies are knocking out tons of free appliances).

Who is this company? We've never heard of them (so, they need "show kitchens" didn't we read that spiel from every home improvement Ad back in the 80's and 90's. Isn't it just an excuse to do a sales pitch. Sort of hope so. Because we don't want endless people schlepping around our house. Nor do want our names on the web in case the company goes bust and we become a laughing stock. Maybe they're a new, inexperienced firm - what if something goes wrong, will we ever be able to contact them. And where are they based - not thrilled if they are offshore - 1,800 miles away and 3 months to get a spare part).

Are there any guarantees (7 days and "good luck" card. 5 years, 10 years, 20 years. Will they do a fantastic job, do they promise not to leave a hellish mess, do they have an excellent after sale service - or will we be left high and dry in the lurch).

How good are they? (my goodness they say "one of the best kitchens money can buy" - but there is absolutely nothing to verify or prove this. We're not likely to look at their website to try and find out because there's no real incentive, anyway we are all way too busy chatting on Facebook).

What's the quality like? (true craftsmanship, custom made, beautiful, practicable, durable or will we get splinters every time we touch it or one hard knock and it falls to bits).

Have they got great designers? Expert fitters? (or is it a cut and paste, pick and hope it fits and a nightmare man in a van who eventually turns up 3 days late who can't even fix a plug).

Are they high pressure sales people? (a 9 hour pitch of "gimme all your money").

Do they give a damn about the customer? ("yea, that alcove above the fridge, it looks awful, needs redoing but wtf, why would we care?").

Who has bought from them? (some delighted testimonials would help).

What is unique about them? (why are they different to all the others, what do they do that others don't, can't or won't).

Any chance they have won any awards? An accolade or two? Got a great reputation...somewhere? How long have they been around? Big in Germany? Are 1000's of german households in raptures about their kitchens deliriously cooking delicious nosh? Sitting in their dream kitchen basking in the glory of its beauty and versatility? What is this german technology they are talking about? (wonder if they can do a quality BMW kitchen at a Volkswagen price...).

Ah,what the hell, there's no great rush to ask them because there's no set time limit to respond. Anyway chances are they'll always be wanting these "show kitchen" appointments (mind you they have put the thought of a "new kitchen" in our families heads so we'll nip down to the local "Kitchens are Us" and see what they can do). Special note - when an Ad isn't good enough to get a response for you - you start gifting all the business to the competitors.

The concluding thoughts the good people have - If we are going to buy a kitchen it must be safer to use a company we recognise, know and trust.

So we need lots of credibility, our fears and concerns handled, good deals and a top notch customer service from the people who are trying to flog us one.


Steve

"Show kitchens urgently required"??? Argh! BARF!

What's a show kitchen? I had to read it multiple times just to understand what you're trying to say.

"Urgently required"? Am I supposed to give you a show kitchen? Oh wait, "One of the best kitchens money can buy." Oh, I see... you want me to become a raving testimonial - at a fraction of what a regular customer would pay. Got it.

"Up to 50% available"??? Sheesh... So I'm getting an undefined percentage off of an undisclosed price point. AND... I'm still not clear on what a "show kitchen" is... or what it includes (and why I want/need it.)

Let me get this straight...

You were actually expecting a call from this train wreck? There's ZERO transparency. (Which usually means it's just a ploy for a sales pitch.)

If you tried this a few years ago (with success,) show us one of those after pics straight away.

"Do you want a state of the art kitchen, like this...

(pic)

For just $12,500? (50% off our normal starting rate of $25,000.)

We need more Before & After pics for our portfolio. We're willing to lose money to get 'em.

Be one of just 5 lucky people to receive the gourmet kitchen of your dreams - for pennies on the dollar.

No Tricks. No Upsells. Just a beautiful kitchen you'll love showing off!

Feel like a Master Chef in your NEW kitchen. Call us @ blah blah blah."

Mark

Its like something out of "Tin Men" - the "National Geographic" close. (great movie BTW - with Danny De Vito and Richard Dreyfus). Anyone with half a brain is wise to this tactic. BUT... it can still work - done properly. To find out how - drop a Gorilla into my Paypal a/c.

Then length of your headline was good, the colors were also very good. "we need a small number" was also a good point. (scarcity)
The rest gets crumpled up and tossed for a 3 pointer, to the trash basket.

Use actual numbers, make it personal, make it scarce, make it specific.
When ever the word BEST is used (without backing it up), the "e" and "t" are automatically dropped. Unless someone else is saying it about you.
Here's a quickie:

Wanted - 3 Before and After show kitchens.
Yours can be one.
If selected, labor is sliced in 1/2, and materials at cost.
Photographs will be published on our website and catalogs.
Call Xxxx Meister direct at xxx-xxx-xxxx to set free consultation.

John

During my 28 years in the wonderful world of copywriting, many times clients have said to me...

"Steve, it's a good Ad but lets save costs, lose some copy and condense it"

I always say, "If you want to, you can but usually it'll cost you 1000 times more in the lost response, vanishing revenues and profits"


Steve

Angie, that's why I always shudder if a phenomenal postcard client says -

"Steve, can we have a huge big (boring) picture on the front - so people "get" our image?"

Thank goodness, It only takes a little persuasion to make them change their minds.


Steve

Am I having a senior moment or did you post a critique request for this a few weeks ago?

I seem to remember myself and a few others advising some changes. Looks the same though.

That's my bad, Seth. I resurrected an old thread to laugh about lame postcards with Steve. Don't blame the OP.

To me this ad sounds very non specific. In addition there a lot of talk what "they" require and need rather than what customer will actually get out of it.

I can easily imagine person reading it and thinking "so what".

Hopefully it wasn't this bad:

Groundhog Day - "What if there were no tomorrow?" (Bill Murray) - YouTube

Your ad is quite confusing. When I first looked at it, I thought "Is it "show kitchens," as in "show" the verb or "show" the adjective?" Do you want me to show kitchens to someone?

Yeah that "Show kitchens urgently required" part is a bit confusing. That could be the problem

A few years back, maybe the demand is so prevalent that you can get away with a shitty ad taking enough market share.
Your ad hasn't shown any reason why your customers should pay attention to you, let alone buy from you.

"Up to 50% available
off the cost of one of the
best kitchens money can buy"

The above sentence makes absolutely no sense to me.. Do you mean up to 50% discount on the cost?
And when you say one of the best kitchens money can buy, are you talking sink, refrig, stove, pots/pans..? i dont know what buying a 'kitchen' means exactly.