17 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
17 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

Squeeze page critique. Is this effective?

by ahakimi
14 replies
Guys, take a look at my squeeze page HERE that I just made. It's a complete work in progress/prototype, and am publishing it strictly here for critique purposes.

Let me know what you think of:

- The copy?
- The colors?
- The length?
- Does it look good on first glance?
- Any color changes?
- Eye catching?
- Good offer?
- Should I remove the huge banner?
- Is the main offer too far down?

I just want some opinions before it goes live and I start driving traffic to it.
#critique #effective #page #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author stoltingmediagroup
    When you get about 2000 subs can you send them all to my squeeze page? I just want to make sure it works.
    Signature
    Arnold Stolting - Stolting Media Group
    "I LOVE The Song! The Vibe Is Positive And Firm!" - Kymani Marley. (Son of Bob Marley).
    "Very High Quality!" Jeremy Harding - Manager / Producer. Sean Paul.
    "They Are FANTASTIC!" - Willie Crawford.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9171862].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author TimK06
    The site looks great, the one thing I would recommend is not allowing other options on the page. The objective is to get them to opt-in to your list. If you give them too much eye candy the visitor can get distracted and this can lower your conversion rate a lot
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9171865].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author ahakimi
      That sounds like a great tips, thanks Tim.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9171868].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Brent Stangel
    That's not a squeeze page, it's a page on your site with an optin form. Not including any necessary legal links the only option people should have is optin or leave.

    Your conversion % with all those links is going to be lame.
    Signature
    Get Off The Warrior Forum Now & Don't Come Back If You Want To Succeed!
    All The Real Marketers Are Gone. There's Nothing Left But Weak, Sniveling Wanna-Bees!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9171871].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author ahakimi
      Alright, the header and links have been removed.

      Anything else?
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9171877].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Brent Stangel
        Originally Posted by ahakimi View Post

        Alright, the header and links have been removed.

        Anything else?
        Get rid of the social media buttons, they are "leaks." Can you do the header without the links? I think that would look best.
        Signature
        Get Off The Warrior Forum Now & Don't Come Back If You Want To Succeed!
        All The Real Marketers Are Gone. There's Nothing Left But Weak, Sniveling Wanna-Bees!
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9171882].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author ahakimi
          Updated. This already looks like a huge improvement even in my eyes from the original, I really appreciate it.
          Anything else?
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9171907].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author ecoverartist
    Be careful using white letters on black text - it's harder on the eyes to read and focus on. I'd use it sparingly. The other question that comes to mind is the offer itself.. improve your bench press - by how much (on average?) Throw in some real numbers to make it more convincing
    Signature
    Sherice Jacob - Conversion Expert & Copywriter
    BIG BRAND Copywriting WSO! 6+ Years Running!
    101 Blog Writing Prompts for Your Business
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9172001].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author multipliedmike
    The eye path is pretty screwy my man. You've got a lot of competing headline-sized text & there is little separation between it all. If you want to keep the two column layout, I have two great examples for you to model (both successfully tested by marketer Ryan Deiss). 60.34% Converting Squeeze Page from Ryan Deiss | Swipe File Archive for Marketers & Copywriters and Tripwire (Frontend Offer) from Survival Life | Swipe File Archive for Marketers & Copywriters

    I'd also suggest testing a one column, centered layout with the warning headline on top & the product image underneath it. I'd probably minimize the tagline too since the big text gives it the appearance of a headline & draws attention from the offer. Lastly, as ecoverartist mentioned, it wouldn't be a bad idea to go black on white. It's rare that the opposite converts better. Hope that helps :-)
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9172138].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author shakamon
    I would definitely agree the offer needs some work. It starts with a big WARNIING me to stop, then follows up with a weak "Techniques you can use today to improve your bench press" Just doesn't really get me that excited. My thought process is, whats in it for me other then showing me some techniques i probably already know.

    This is coming from someone who loves to workout and make gains.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9172410].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Cool Hand Luke
      A few things:

      1. "Conquer Your Mind. Empower Your Body" sounds ridiculous and doesn't gel with the market at all. You're trying to adapt language that fitness marketers use to target certain segments of women into your site targeting... what exactly? Male bench pressers? Not gonna work.

      If you disagree, try to think of the last serious lifter you heard use the phrase "empower your body" in the gym... I'd bet you can't think of one.

      Use your avatar's language. It's so damn important.


      2. Also, "DON’T EVEN THINK OF BENCH PRESSING UNTIL YOU DOWNLOAD THIS REPORT." isn't a solid hook, especially on it's own.

      WHY shouldn't they bench press until they read the report?

      WHAT critical thing do they need to know?

      WHO are you and why are you qualified to give them advice on bench pressing?

      Be more specific or your customer isn't going to see the value in what you have to offer.


      3. The design of the page is terrible. Why all that blank space in the middle and left?

      Look at what others are doing with their squeezes in this niche. Don't swipe, but take your clues from people who are doing it right. If you can't find anything, look at what LeadPages has to offer; they know what they're doing.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9172554].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Chriswrighto
        DON'T EVEN THINK OF BENCH PRESSING UNTIL YOU DOWNLOAD THIS REPORT.

        Yeah that doesn't sell me.

        I'm a guy that struggles with bench press...

        My squat and deadlift will go up all day long...

        But my bench just "sticks" and won't budge.

        It's very annoying.

        Tell me that you can solve my problem and my email is yours.
        Signature

        Wealthcopywriter.com :)

        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9172788].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    Originally Posted by ahakimi View Post

    Guys, take a look at my squeeze page HERE that I just made. It's a complete work in progress/prototype, and am publishing it strictly here for critique purposes.

    Let me know what you think of:

    - The copy?
    - The colors?
    - The length?
    - Does it look good on first glance?
    - Any color changes?
    - Eye catching?
    - Good offer?
    - Should I remove the huge banner?
    - Is the main offer too far down?

    I just want some opinions before it goes live and I start driving traffic to it.

    Here's your biggest obstacle:

    Your ad says...

    "Improve Your Bench..."

    Okay, what does that mean?

    Will I have better form?

    Am I going to be lifting more weight in less time?

    If so, how much more?

    How long will it take?

    That seems to be your primary benefit, yet it's vague.

    Vague doesn't equal value.

    "Improve your bench..." doesn't cause me to picture any specific end result, and when there's no picture of an end result in the mind, there's no desire.

    Also, if that's your primary benefit, what does that header have to do with it? There's nothing there that relates to doing bench presses, building pec muscles. It's 100% irrelevant.
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9173377].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
      Originally Posted by Cool Hand Luke View Post

      1. "Conquer Your Mind. Empower Your Body" sounds ridiculous and doesn't gel with the market at all. You're trying to adapt language that fitness marketers use to target certain segments of women into your site targeting... what exactly? Male bench pressers? Not gonna work.

      If you disagree, try to think of the last serious lifter you heard use the phrase "empower your body" in the gym... I'd bet you can't think of one.

      Use your avatar's language. It's so damn important.
      Re-read those last two sentences: "Use your avatar's language. It's so damn important."

      Truer words haven't been spoken in this thread.

      Here's the problem...

      I don't get any sense he's clear on who the avatar is. The copy is too broad.

      If he's going after people who already bench, there's nothing here worth saving.

      The tagline is a total disconnect - as you pointed out Luke.

      However...

      If the avatar is a total bench-pressing-newbie, the idea that's been planted here could potentially work. (Notice I'm non-committal to that.)

      But if I've never bench pressed, you're damn right I'd want to know what to do and what NOT to do - before I potentially (and likely) hurt myself.

      Also...

      What about specific results?

      What do I WANT?

      Get clear on your avatar... and it'll be easier to rewrite this thing.

      Originally Posted by Cool Hand Luke View Post

      2. Also, "DON’T EVEN THINK OF BENCH PRESSING UNTIL YOU DOWNLOAD THIS REPORT." isn't a solid hook, especially on it's own.
      100% true.

      Originally Posted by sethczerepak View Post

      Here's your biggest obstacle:

      Your ad says...

      "Improve Your Bench..."

      Okay, what does that mean?

      Will I have better form?

      Am I going to be lifting more weight in less time?

      If so, how much more?

      How long will it take?

      That seems to be your primary benefit, yet it's vague.

      Vague doesn't equal value.

      "Improve your bench..." doesn't cause me to picture any specific end result, and when there's no picture of an end result in the mind, there's no desire.

      Also, if that's your primary benefit, what does that header have to do with it? There's nothing there that relates to doing bench presses, building pec muscles. It's 100% irrelevant.
      Exactly, there's zero specificity.

      And without specificity, you're not triggering any emotion.

      And without triggering any emotion, you won't inspire action.

      Start over.

      Mark
      Signature

      Do you want a 9 figure copywriter and biz owner to Write With You? I'll work with you, on zoom, to help write your copy or client copy... while you learn from one of the few copywriters to legit hit 9 figures in gross sales! Discover More

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9173561].message }}

Trending Topics