[Critique Request] - VSL Landing Page

30 replies
Hi Copywriters,

Good day!

Was wondering if anyone would care to critique the VSL landing page at FREE Video Training Reveals How To Lose Stubborn Fat ...

Would love to have your thoughts and any views / thoughts / inputs / feedback would be most welcome.

Thank you.
#critique #landing #page #request #vsl
  • Profile picture of the author Chriswrighto
    Video isn't loading for me.

    Is it for anyone else?
    Signature

    Wealthcopywriter.com :)

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  • Profile picture of the author TrafficLicious
    Hi Chriswrighto and all,

    Should have made this clearer.

    Meant to get a critique on the design elements & the brief copy on the landing page itself first.

    The video will still take some time to be created.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Gosh - a FREE video. How exciting. I've been getting very tired of paying to watch videos.
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    • Profile picture of the author Mario Castelli
      How much do women care about being "strong?" Unless they already lift... it's probably not their primary motivation. And if they're lifters, they probably aren't looking for a weight loss program. "Slim, sexy body" works better.

      Also... cap those first letters on your subhead. I know technically "of," "the," "for," etc would be lower-case, but it looks weird that way... especially when it's the first word of the sentence.
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  • Profile picture of the author TrafficLicious
    @ The Copy Nazi & Mario Castelli:

    Tks much for your inputs. Have factored these into the revision and here's the updated page: Lose Stubborn Fat

    Old copy is at FREE Video Training Reveals How To Lose Stubborn Fat ...

    @ All:

    What do you think? Any inputs or feedback for me?
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    • Profile picture of the author GlenH
      Originally Posted by TrafficLicious View Post

      @ The Copy Nazi & Mario Castelli:

      Tks much for your inputs. Have factored these into the revision and here's the updated page: Lose Stubborn Fat

      Old copy is at FREE Video Training Reveals How To Lose Stubborn Fat ...

      @ All:

      What do you think? Any inputs or feedback for me?
      Neither of these videos load in IE or FF
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      • Profile picture of the author TrafficLicious
        Hi GlenH,

        I mentioned in my 2nd post (the 3rd post of this thread) that I meant to get a critique on the design elements & the brief copy on the landing page itself.

        Tks!
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    the design elements right now are irrelevant.

    they're ok but nothing great.

    in fact, they very well my LOWER conversions.

    you need to test it and see if it boosted conversions or not.
    Signature

    “Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.”
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

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  • Profile picture of the author TrafficLicious
    Davemiz, why do you say that the design elements right now are irrelevant?

    What would you do if this was your VSL landing page?
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    • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
      Originally Posted by TrafficLicious View Post

      What would you do if this was your VSL landing page?
      Test the video by itself and get a baseline conversion number.

      Then test different layouts against the control.
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    i'd make it convert. :-)
    Signature

    “Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.”
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

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  • Profile picture of the author TrafficLicious
    @BrianMcLeod:

    In other words ...

    Test A: Video ONLY with XXX visitors => Get conversion number
    Test B: Video with layout A with XXX visitors => Get conversion number
    Test C: Video with layout B with XXX visitors => Get conversion number

    etc, etc. Right?

    @davemiz:

    Meaning ...?
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  • Profile picture of the author TrafficLicious
    Hi all,

    Have completed revamped the design at Lose Stubborn Fat

    Let me know your thoughts? Tks!
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    • Profile picture of the author Chriswrighto
      Originally Posted by TrafficLicious View Post

      Hi all,

      Have completed revamped the design at Lose Stubborn Fat

      Let me know your thoughts? Tks!
      The message people have been trying to get through is that it's not about your design at this stage. :p

      You need to get a baseline before you test the conversions with design.

      Strip it down... throw it up the video and headline.

      Test it.

      Then test again with the little "cute" designs you're showing us.

      I think your time in this forum is best spent showing us the video and letting us critique your copy.

      Hope this helps, pal. :p
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      Wealthcopywriter.com :)

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  • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
    "Here's my dinner table place settings I'm planning on using...

    ...will this be a good meal?"
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  • Profile picture of the author TrafficLicious
    @Chriswrighto & BrianMcLeod: Thanks both. Appreciate it much!

    @All:

    Hi all,
    Just thought to share that the video sales letter is now live at http://burnbellyfast.com/video/

    Love to hear what you think!
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  • Profile picture of the author Tim R
    Have you actually uploaded the video this time? It's not loading for me.
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  • The video, graphics and the voice over are ok.

    But it's the "same as" everything else in the weight loss arena.

    There is nothing to differentiate you from the mountains of competition.

    The following advice is based on Mr Eugene Schwartz's book "Breakthrough Advertising"

    Don't worry if you've never heard of it. I'll explain.

    The weight loss game is at best in the 4th Stage of Sophistication - prospects have heard all the "claims" and are disillusioned with them.

    To counteract this you MUST elaborate on the "mechanism" for the weight loss you are promoting (not the promise).

    Starting with the headline - and immediately in the opening copy.

    More likely weight loss is in the 5th Stage of Sophistication - prospects have heard every "mechanism" and don't believe any of them.

    Now you HAVE to identify full on with your prospects.

    Not easy, but show them you truly understand their frustration and maybe just maybe you have the one thing they need.

    And then prove beyond doubt that you have.


    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author Chriswrighto
      I agree with Steve.

      It's far too generic.

      "Lose weight fast"

      "Lose weight eating what you like"

      "Blah blah..."

      It's all the same...

      And the market is tired of being lied to.

      What makes yours different? Is there something that can jump out and hit me in the face?

      I was actually listening with my girlfriend sitting close-by and she eventually turned to me and said "Are they just going to get to the point?"

      I think that's telling about how much of your current sales message is fluff that once used to arouse curiosity but is long outdated.

      But hey...

      "The more you know"
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      Wealthcopywriter.com :)

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  • Profile picture of the author nmchant
    The landing page looks very busy to my eye, there's not a clear sense of where to go or what to do but rather many options to click on.

    My understanding is the highest converting landing pages just capture your name and email address, have minimal text, and then video uploads automatically once email address is submitted.

    My 2 cents and worth at least that.
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  • Profile picture of the author TrafficLicious
    @Tim R: Yes, the video's there.

    @Steve & Chris: Thanks for your inputs

    @nmchant: Am confused. Which page are you looking at? On my squeeze page, not even asking for name at all. If you're looking at the page that everyone else is seeing, it's meant to be a sales page and not a squeeze page.
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    • Profile picture of the author nmchant
      Originally Posted by TrafficLicious View Post


      @nmchant: Am confused. Which page are you looking at? On my squeeze page, not even asking for name at all. If you're looking at the page that everyone else is seeing, it's meant to be a sales page and not a squeeze page.
      Ah, perhaps I'm confused.

      I like name/email fields on squeeze page progressing to a clean landing page with clear choices.

      I've also seen those fields on landing page, but for me it splits my focus.

      If they don't compete, or are situated at bottom of page or something then i've seen it work (imo) and i suppose subject/ application is a factor too.

      But typically i like squeeze page to capture name/ email, then clear contact info on website.


      Nnnnot really grooving on this little message:

      ** You can screw me on my cell if I share your info (without permission)

      "you can screw me.." several ways to interpret that and it evokes certain imagery (literally and/or figuratively ) which doesn't add anything but can quite possibly detract,.. or even be a turn off for certain folk )
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      • Profile picture of the author nmchant
        The only thing I would add is when you navigate away from page this message pops up-

        'false

        Are you sure you want to leave this page?'


        There's really no point to that message unless the person truly accidently hit the back button or something, but i've never seen it used for such and doubt it would be useful in that regard.

        Unless you have a compelling offer to entice them to stay on the page, which is a great tactic and has kept me on many a pages(!), an irrelevant navigation message serves no purpose but to annoy.
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    • Profile picture of the author Tim R
      Originally Posted by TrafficLicious View Post

      @Tim R: Yes, the video's there.
      Seems like you've restricted access to the video based on region, you might want to change that.
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      • Profile picture of the author TrafficLicious
        Hi Tim R,

        There shouldn't be any restrictions to the video (regardless of where you're based at).

        What error / restriction message did you see?

        Originally Posted by Tim R View Post

        Seems like you've restricted access to the video based on region, you might want to change that.
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    • Profile picture of the author nmchant
      Originally Posted by TrafficLicious View Post


      Ah cool, nice squeeze page. I find I like the first name field as well because it personalizes things a bit and helps foster that sense of connection from the start (women like that sh*t and i tend to open the emails with my name more than the ones without it, oddly).

      I didn't watch the vsl, the page is nice, clean. The one pet peeve i have and its incredibly common, is not knowing how long these vsl's are going to be.

      Cause sometimes they end up being 20-60 minutes, and when there's no indication of that i feel my time is not respected. Yet its quite common, so more times than not i skip over them if a time indicator is not present.

      If its just a few minutes (3-5) thats one thing, but more than that i want to know so i can plan my time and attention accordingly.

      The last thing I'd say is, the scarcity factor is a great way to convert more sales..so your product is 1/2 price now,..you could always put a time limit or something of the sort on it. "For a limited time only" kind of thing.

      Not necessary but it is proven to close far more sales and Definitely works on me like a charm.

      Another alternative if you don't care for the scarcity route is to do a different price structure; i.e. was 67 now 47 ..to my mind a smaller price difference is more believable, whereas with limited time offers half price is quite common.
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  • Profile picture of the author TrafficLicious
    Appreciate your thoughts and inputs nmchant!
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    • Profile picture of the author nmchant
      Originally Posted by TrafficLicious View Post

      Appreciate your thoughts and inputs nmchant!
      It's my pleasure!

      Btw, I just registered the fact that WF has a mssg when you log out "are you sure you want to logout" (i guess i usually stay logged in). It took me a minute to figure out the purpose and i came up with; in case you're typing out a post and accidentally hit 'log out'. In which case it's a most useful function to have.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tim R
    The video doesn't load for me at all, in any browser, on multiple devices.

    If I use a VPN it loads no problem. I can only assume the access is restricted based on region.
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