Headline Critique Needed Please

I think it is perfect

You have to discover what your potential customers really want, and write a headline clearly explaining the benefits they will have with your product, based on what they want.

Perhaps they don't want to impress Hollywood college instructors.

Perhaps they will think that you are exaggerating because you are trying to convince them that they will become excellent musicians by chance.

I wouldn’t care about this ad at all if I wanted to learn how to play the guitar. It looks like many other ads I’ve seen before.

If I almost pass out trying to say it in one breath, it's too damn long.

Other than that, I can tell that you don't know your market.

I'm a guitar player, and frankly, we don't give a rip about college instructors being stunned. And what is a "Hollywood" college instructor? I guarantee you any self-respecting guitarist will read this and know in an instant that you're not "one of them..."

In their eyes, that makes you a wannabe, and nothing is more of a turn off to this target market. Grab yourself some guitar magazines and start reading. You've got some thing to learn.

Does it pass the 'So what' test?

I don't think so.

Two Words To Turn Ho-Hum into Powerful Copywriting | The Daily Egg

You know where people go to learn guitar online now? For free? YouTube. That's what you're up against.

I got my daughter a ukulele. I paid for some lessons with a guy EVERYONE recommended. $100 an hour.

Okay, no problem. But he went too fast and didn't teach her anything. Problem.

Enter YouTube.

She got a bunch of chords and keys under her belt, knows how to read music and writes her own little songs - just by watching FREE videos.

You really are up against huge competition. And the headlines you're playing around with ain't gonna change that.

Mark

You need to find a frustration hook... or something that zones in on a specific target group within the guitar playing market.

Maybe people are having problems moving their fingers to the right chords... or maybe even sight-reading the pieces... or maybe they want to compose a song... And then you need to show why they should choose you over anyone else. Why pay for your service rather than get it free?

I think you need credentials and some trust factors. Pro-level guitarist? Impress them enough too.

James

This one might be a little over played now-a-days but what about something along the lines of..

When I picked up the guitar-my friends laughed... But when I started to jam!
They were as shocked as my Hollywood professors when I accidentally learned how to play.

Seriously, wtf is a Hollywood professor.

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Here's one that's sure to get attention...

"How A Retarded Kid From Ohio With No Arms Finally Learned How To Play Guitar Like A Pro"

ahahahahahahahahahah

Here's one way to look at the situation which may help.

When someone wants to "learn to play guitar", that's actually code for:

1. I want to learn how to play such and such song.

2. I want to learn how to play like Eric Clapton or Jack White or Metallica or AC/DC or whoever.

3. I want to learn to play rock, country, jazz or whatever music.

4. I don't want to really play guitar, I just want to pick up chicks.

(Don't think I'm kidding about #4. http://www.mensfitness.com/life/ente...ho-play-guitar)

Wanting to learn to play NEVER means "I want to learn guitar music theory".

Gag. Stick-your-finger-down-your-throat boring.

Compared to promising someone to be be able to play like Joe Satriani, learning guitar music theory is a distant LAST.

But don't give up. There's a solution.

Guitar music theory is actually a little known secret of the best guitarists. The guitar gods who take their music seriously.

Now admittedly, there are guitar prodigies out there who never learned a lick of theory. For instance, Hendrix. But if you want to learn how to play like Hendrix, it definitely helps having a firm grasp of guitar music theory. Try decoding or even remembering how to play Hendrix's "Little Wing" or Eric Johnson's "Cliffs of Dover" without a solid foundation of guitar music theory and confusion, discouragement and resignation quickly set in.

To an aspiring guitar player, guitar music theory is like possessing that magic decoder ring that makes "getting good fast" possible.

So what you have to do Aaron, is reposition what learning guitar music theory is and does for the aspiring guitarist.

It's not boring. It's not irrelevant to today's favorite songs and artists.

It actually is THE KEY to unlocking a song's innermost secrets. What makes it work as a piece of music and not just a bunch of notes, licks, riffs and chords strung together.

It's one of the things that gives the music its meaning. It sits silently in the background, supporting every piece of music you could imagine.

And with even the most rudimentary understanding of guitar music theory, the easier it becomes to....

Pick up new songs--often after just one listen.

Put "your spin" on existing songs, standards and favorites, allowing you to improvise til your heart's content.

Jam with your friends and family, even those who all they can play is "Smoke on the Water" or a really bad "Stairway to Heaven."

Learn to play like your favorite guitar gods and legends without it taking years and endless practice.

And yes, pick up chicks.

I hope this helps, Aaron.

- Rick Duris

Hopefully you see the danger now in swiping headlines. You're getting a little of the "Copy Frankenstein" effect I like to talk about.

The fancy Carlton-style long headline doesn't work cause of it's length or it's structure. It works because it plugs into actual drama or or curiosity and jacks it up a few notches

You invented two conflicts: First between common folk and Hollywood. Second between students and professors. Doesn't fly in this situation. Hollywood professors aren't a real villain any guitarist thinks of.

So you impressed/showed up a group of people the reader doesn't care about. At that point, the only ace up your sleeve is impressing the reader with a tremendous feat.

As Rick said, advanced theory is important but it's not sexy. It's like the stage hands and lighting guy. We love em', we need em', but we don't stick em behind the mic. You want to sell the brain-melting, lightning fast, panty-dropping licks that got their minds spinning in the first place.

30-45 is entering midlife crisis territory, and like the red sports car, the guitar is a 6 stringed band-aid. Some played in the old days, but wanna take it further. Some didn't and are deeply afraid it's because they have no talent

Till you get to a more advanced stage, think "less is more". Start with simple headlines that lay it out and add the glitter and flashing lights when the pieces are in place.

They Laughed When I Picked Up the Guitar But When I Started To Play....now that's an original...lol

I suggest dumping a little cashola into Rick's PayPal account. Just the amount of money he saved you in throwing away your advertising dollars alone would be okay with him, I'm sure.

Mark

I think the headline is trying too hard to gain attention.
Simplify it. Try a little modesty, it might help you attract the right kind of people.

How A “No-talent” 19 Year Old Kid From Ohio Astonished “Hollywood” College Instructors With His Pro-level Guitar Chops And Advanced Theory Knowledge...Which He “Accidentally” Learned Online!

Get rid of superfluous words....

Ohio Amateur Kid Astonished College Instructors......by "Accidentally" learning online....Advanced Theory Knowledge and Pro-level guitar chops!!!