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Landing page copy critique

by searchnology
6 replies
I have credit repair offer I am promoting. The lead buyer is advising the leads are of low quality from my landing page so I need to add stronger language to ensure higher quality. Below is what I have come up with.

I would appreciate any feedback on the language.

YES, I want to request a FREE CREDIT REPAIR phone consultation with a licensed and bonded law firm for my state. I understand I will be contact by phone and/or email WITHIN 24 HOURS and that fees are as low as $39.95/MONTH if I choose to become a client.

Thanks for any assistance.
#copy #critique #landing #page
  • Profile picture of the author activetrader
    I don't think the problem is your copy. I think it's your traffic
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    Me

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  • Profile picture of the author Sleaklight
    YES, I want to request a FREE CREDIT REPAIR phone consultation with a licensed and bonded law firm from my state. I understand I will be contacted by phone and/or email WITHIN 24 HOURS and that fees are as low as $39.95/MONTH if I choose to become a client.

    You could start by fixing the minor typos which are corrected in red above. This is just my opinion but if I see minor typos from a serious service such as credit repair, I am less likely to consider them. The situation is like this, I see that they don't bother to repair spelling mistakes, I doubt they will really care to fix or do a job at solving my problem. Again this is from personal experience. I have a pet peeve with typos on copy.
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    • Profile picture of the author searchnology
      Originally Posted by Sleaklight View Post

      YES, I want to request a FREE CREDIT REPAIR phone consultation with a licensed and bonded law firm from my state. I understand I will be contacted by phone and/or email WITHIN 24 HOURS and that fees are as low as $39.95/MONTH if I choose to become a client.

      You could start by fixing the minor typos which are corrected in red above. This is just my opinion but if I see minor typos from a serious service such as credit repair, I am less likely to consider them. The situation is like this, I see that they don't bother to repair spelling mistakes, I doubt they will really care to fix or do a job at solving my problem. Again this is from personal experience. I have a pet peeve with typos on copy.
      Thanks Sleaklight!...all feedback is good.

      I am not sure if "from" is more correct than "for" as a law firm could be licensed for a state but not reside within that same state. Given that ambiguity it may be worth it to rewrite/remove that part all togeher.
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  • Profile picture of the author opportunity_kno
    you have a whole landing page, and this is all you have??

    have you tried putting in some content... getting the person's attention by showing what you have first?

    possibly asking some questions as well, that will make the person say yes, yes, yes first

    and then put this so finally so that it will be all yes's then?

    It is a bit difficult if this is all that is on your landing page, or this is all you are showing... to give more feedback...

    If this is strictly all that you have, then perhaps the person may feel like you are just trying to force/shove something down their throat..?

    I don't know, but I feel that is weak and can be made stronger... and you probably had this gut feeling as well.
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