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Would Greatly Appreciate Critiques of My Sales Page

by anpharmd09
14 replies
***Closed***
#critiques #greatly #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
    Your offer is no different than the plethora of other MMO offers out there.

    Easy, quick, $2,758-$3,412 per Month, spare time. Your prospects have read the same tripe over and over and over again.

    Sure, one will buy here, and another will buy there. But you're just one of a hundred guys fishing in the same barrel.

    Alex
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    • Profile picture of the author tpe3egol
      Originally Posted by Alex Cohen View Post

      But you're just one of a hundred guys fishing in the same barrel.
      Alex
      I agree with this position, but i like this page. I think pictures at the top should be of better quality, but i think it's a good landing page.
      And I really liked photo in the end of page

      Good luck!
      tpe3egol
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    • Profile picture of the author anpharmd09
      That makes sense...any recommendations on how I could better differentiate my product, or create a more unique selling proposition?

      Originally Posted by Alex Cohen View Post

      Your offer is no different than the plethora of other MMO offers out there.

      Easy, quick, $2,758-$3,412 per Month, spare time. Your prospects have read the same tripe over and over and over again.

      Sure, one will buy here, and another will buy there. But you're just one of a hundred guys fishing in the same barrel.

      Alex
      Signature
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      • Profile picture of the author Cam Connor
        You have both serious Copy mistakes, and serious CCD mistakes there. Needs a lot of work.
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      • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
        Originally Posted by anpharmd09 View Post

        That makes sense...any recommendations on how I could better differentiate my product, or create a more unique selling proposition?
        What's different about your product from the plethora of others out there?

        What's different about you... do you have a compelling back story?

        Alex
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        • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
          2 words are red flags to a prospective buyer your copywriter has used...

          Easy and fastest in reference to internet home business.

          Think about it, your prospective buyer has seen those words before.

          Now he has to decide if he wants to believe what you said
          or click away because he thinks it's a waste of time.

          If you don't take into account what other marketers have said
          to your prospect, then you don't understand how
          he buying decision making process works.

          Best,
          Ewen
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          • Profile picture of the author anpharmd09
            Well said Ewen.

            I'll admit, it didn't really dawn on me at first that those words are the kind of hype most in the IM space are used to seeing on a daily basis, and as a result, are probably desensitized to or view as red flags like you mentioned.

            Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

            2 words are red flags to a prospective buyer your copywriter has used...

            Easy and fastest in reference to internet home business.

            Think about it, your prospective buyer has seen those words before.

            Now he has to decide if he wants to believe what you said
            or click away because he thinks it's a waste of time.

            If you don't take into account what other marketers have said
            to your prospect, then you don't understand how
            he buying decision making process works.

            Best,
            Ewen
            Signature
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        • Profile picture of the author anpharmd09
          I think that's part of my problem....I don't really feel like I have a particularly interesting back story.

          I basically achieved my success by enrolling in a coaching program and through my own trial and error.

          So my product is from my own actual experience.

          I have actually created a new sales page with my revised copy including my back story.

          I tried to include some of recommendations made here which have been great so far!

          If anyone is interested in checking out my new sales page, you can see it here:

          http://soloadkingpin.com/sak1/


          Originally Posted by Alex Cohen View Post

          What's different about your product from the plethora of others out there?

          What's different about you... do you have a compelling back story?

          Alex
          Signature
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          • Profile picture of the author Chriswrighto
            Originally Posted by anpharmd09 View Post

            I think that's part of my problem....I don't really feel like I have a particularly interesting back story.

            I basically achieved my success by enrolling in a coaching program and through my own trial and error.

            So my product is from my own actual experience.
            Dig deeper, everyone (well... most) people are interesting.
            • What was your job prior to your IM success?
            • What did you through in that trial and error?
            • What's your intention for becoming an IM'er? Family? Self-dependence? Hated your boss?
            • What else has been interesting in your life?

            I'm a believer of 'whatever you've done has led you to where you are', so you literally have a life-time to find a backstory in.

            Although it does need to be relevant.
            Signature

            Wealthcopywriter.com :)

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  • Profile picture of the author pewpewpewmonkeys
    I agree with this position, but i like this page.
    For what reasons?
    i think it's a good landing page.
    How so?
    ***
    "I've always dreamed of starting my own business and making money"
    Oh, so you haven't done it yet?

    I made NO money the entire first year online
    Leads to
    this went on to almost a year
    I'm just a regular avg guy who figured out the easiest way to start a very profitable online business.
    Wait, didn't your friend show you? Didn't he teach you?
    Signature
    Some cause-oriented hackers recently hacked one of my websites. So I researched what they're about and then donated a large sum of money to the entity they hate the most.

    The next time they hack one of my websites I'm going to donate DOUBLE.
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  • Profile picture of the author fulfilledlife
    For 3.5 pages of your add, you talk solely about yourself, there is nothing about your prospect. I understand the story intended to inspire others and make them want same things, but assuming that others will get inspired when all you is talk about yourself is a big assumption.

    If you want to inspire people and make them imagine that they can have the same success, then inspire it by interlinking your story to their current life.

    The second assumption is, you keep calling yourself average guy, and talk about your struggle and hard work you put to get this money. How many average guys do you think put some kind of serious effort to achieve results online. Likely not many. So your story and struggle in it misses the point.

    Average guy is likely will get impressed more and identify with a story how you always wanted to take your gf on this amazing vacation she dreamed of. But you never had enough money to pay for it. Until one day your marketer friend told you how you can get this money easily and showed you the ropes.
    Signature

    Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value - Albert Einstein

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    • Profile picture of the author anpharmd09
      That's a good point you raised about the beginning of my sales page...it does seem to read a little long about my self instead of my potential customers.

      I tried to modify and shorten up that part a bit, so thanks for your recommendation.



      Originally Posted by fulfilledlife View Post

      For 3.5 pages of your add, you talk solely about yourself, there is nothing about your prospect. I understand the story intended to inspire others and make them want same things, but assuming that others will get inspired when all you is talk about yourself is a big assumption.

      If you want to inspire people and make them imagine that they can have the same success, then inspire it by interlinking your story to their current life.

      The second assumption is, you keep calling yourself average guy, and talk about your struggle and hard work you put to get this money. How many average guys do you think put some kind of serious effort to achieve results online. Likely not many. So your story and struggle in it misses the point.

      Average guy is likely will get impressed more and identify with a story how you always wanted to take your gf on this amazing vacation she dreamed of. But you never had enough money to pay for it. Until one day your marketer friend told you how you can get this money easily and showed you the ropes.
      Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author MrTwoFister
    I agree with many posts above. Nothing really stuck out for me. The quality is fuzzy, sends bad vibes.
    It is a lot of information, and while it attempts to read personal, it just doesn't look or feel personal.
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