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Another Sales Page Critique, please

by embrown
5 replies
Its me again. I found a template and I did alot of tweaking of the html and graphics. Now I think I have something that looks presentable. This is my first sales page so ANY help would be appreciated. Anyway, I still have some content to upload and links to test, but the front page should be good first draft to check out. I would like to try to get this live and start promoting very soon.

I don't think I have to mention that I'm not good at copy writing. I love writing, so hopefully its something I can pick up with practice.

http://www.yourlifeupgraded.com/monthlycontent/
Thanks so much!

Edited to add: This is attached to my blog, where I'm going to be promoting the service and a few other things. Plus, my link was wrong. Sorry!
#critique #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author embrown
    Hey thanks for the help! I'm going to switch those two head lines and move the focus from me to the potential customer. I appreciate the advice.
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  • Profile picture of the author Bill Jeffels
    Originally Posted by embrown View Post

    Its me again. I found a template and I did alot of tweaking of the html and graphics. Now I think I have something that looks presentable. This is my first sales page so ANY help would be appreciated. Anyway, I still have some content to upload and links to test, but the front page should be good first draft to check out. I would like to try to get this live and start promoting very soon.

    I don't think I have to mention that I'm not good at copy writing. I love writing, so hopefully its something I can pick up with practice


    Thanks so much!

    Edited to add: This is attached to my blog, where I'm going to be promoting the service and a few other things. Plus, my link was wrong. Sorry!
    I would have to agree with Matt. You have alot of, I did this, I did that. Your customer wants to know..."Whats In It For Me". Your customer wants to know the benefits not the features. I know you said your going to change the appeal for your customer.

    Here is a quick example...

    Are your articles old content?...


    "Hot To Get Hand Crafted
    New Niche Content In Your
    Inbox Every Week"

    Heres how you can get freshly
    researched articles that
    will have your customers
    begging for more

    Dear friend

    Did you know there is a dirty little secret about PLR content. It's true. Most content is old and has been passed around the internet many, many times.
    I'm tired of it. I'm going to change all that by providing freshly written, relevent and researched articles .

    Here is what this is all about. Hi my name is...etc, etc,

    You have to get your prospects Attention, spark there Interest, have them desire what it is you have, and take action right now!.

    Hope that helps

    Bill Jeffels
    Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author embrown
    Thanks again to everyone! I was wondering how to get into that letter style. This is perfect.
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  • Profile picture of the author David Raybould
    Embrown-

    The letter as it is will struggle.

    Aside from any of the copy issues, you're going
    to need to write a lot more to get people to
    commit to paying monthly.

    Okay, now for the copy issues...

    The headline is too pedestrian. You want
    something that sizzles and pops. You need
    to get people jazzed about your PLR... not
    disappointed with their old PLR.

    Also, the graphic with the blue ecover and
    and the "subscribe now" message is killing
    things for you. It serves absolutely no
    purpose. That area of your page is too
    valuable to waste on pretty images.

    Instead of that, I'd go with a killer subhead...
    something that illustrates exactly why they
    should read further into your letter RIGHT NOW.

    Aside from all that, you'll really need more
    copy to make a success of this. It's tough to
    get people to commit to paying monthly, and
    doing it with as little copy as this will be next
    to impossible.

    If I were you I'd buy a couple of books on writing
    copy, study them, and start over.

    Either that, or hire a pro.

    Sorry buddy.

    -David Raybould
    Signature
    Killer Emails. Cash-spewing VSLs. Turbocharged Landing Pages.

    Whatever you need, my high converting copy puts more money in your pocket. PM for details. 10 years experience and 9 figure revenues.
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