9 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
9 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

Can you review my first press release?

by allthesp
8 replies
Hey, this is my first press release. I am going for a personal feel. Can a good copywriter take a look and give me a very harsh critique?

Thanks.

Financial Crisis Forces Family to Sell Prized Michael Jackson Mannequin
Wes Potter is a family man from Atlanta, Georgia forced to work in New York because of the economic downturn. He was shocked by the untimely death of Michael Jackson, his favorite pop artist. Wes is now trying to make ends meet by selling his prized possession, a full size mannequin of the late Michael Jackson.
Atlanta, GA June 25, 2009 - - The custom Michael Jackson mannequin has been placed for sale on eBay.com with a starting price of $1999.99. The listing is complete with a faux red leather jacket, made famous by Michael's classic "Thriller" as well as his landmark white glove.
"I love Michael, and I love the mannequin. But I love my family more," said Wes. "It's my son's birthday in a week and I want to go home." Wes Potter's son, Cameron, is celebrating his third birthday in early July and is frightened by the mannequin, which stands over six feet tall.
The custom, fiberglass mannequin was crafted in 2005 by a professional modeler. Wes requested the mannequin while his general contracting business was booming. Originally he had planned for the mannequin to be housed in his basement which he was hoping to convert into a dance studio.
Wes moved with his fiancé, son, and Michael to Atlanta in 2007 when work in New York began to dwindle. "Moving was difficult because I had always lived in New York. Christine (his fiancé) was lucky to get a job as a teacher, and we decided to take it." Unfortunately soon after their move, jobs became scarce across the country. Wes was soon forced to return to his unsold house in New York.
His entire collection of Michael Jackson memorabilia is for sale on eBay. His collection includes the custom mannequin complete with outfit and four faux leather jackets. Wes is hoping these sales can help pay the two mortgages he and his fiancé are now stuck with.
"We never thought that we would be put in this situation, but the economy has hurt a lot of people, a lot of families. I put a lot into the mannequin alone, now I am just hoping to make ends meet."
#press #release #review

Trending Topics