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What do you think of these taglines?

by ixder
12 replies
Hi all, for my design portfolio website, I'm writing a short description of what I offer. What do you think of these two?
1
*******************************
Companies that care about their customers hire me to design user interfaces. I create concepts, build prototypes and do user research. The results enable users to do great new things.
2
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Startups, agencies and multinationals hire me to design their software applications. Because of my science-based process, they are confident that my designs will satisfy their customers.
The purpose of this line is to make visitors of my website quickly see how my services can be of value to their company. Some visitors know what user interface design is, others don't exactly know why they need it. I want to appear trustworthy, professional and to the point, but not unfriendly or boring.

I'm using this classic template:
[for whom] [I offfer what] [what makes it special] [added value]

I worked for companies of any size and I think mentioning that may gain trust of prospects. At the same time, it would be shorter to just say 'companies'. Because not everybody knows what user interface design is, I feel I have to describe it a bit.

I'm different from many other designers in that I have a degree in my field, do user research and can make high quality prototypes. I work with proven, formalized methods. I'd like to communicate that, without sounding like a dork
#taglines
  • Profile picture of the author marciayudkin
    Hi there,

    Both examples are actually way too long for taglines, and neither can be read quickly, at a glance.

    Taglines generally have seven words or less, although a few famous ones are longer, such as FedEx's "When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight..."

    In addition, watch out for overly generic language, such as this:

    "Companies that care about their customer" - Really, would any company say to themselves that they don't care about customers? For that reason, this phrase says nothing.

    Marcia Yudkin
    Signature
    Check out Marcia Yudkin's No-Hype Marketing Academy for courses on copywriting, publicity, infomarketing, marketing plans, naming, and branding - not to mention the popular "Marketing for Introverts" course.
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Can you quantify the performance of what you do
      in anyway?

      Best,
      Ewen
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      • Profile picture of the author ixder
        Perhaps 'tagline' is not the right word It will be the first paragraph in my homepage that should say a bit more than 'Hi, I'm a designer and I love hipster cheese bicycles.'

        Thanks for your comment about the description of the clients being too generic. I'll work on something more appealing.

        There are quantifiable measures for my work, but these depend greatly on the project I'm working on and generally, clients don't care about them. They just want quality, in time.
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        • Profile picture of the author gemm24
          [QUOTE=ixder;9432538]Perhaps 'tagline' is not the right word It will be the first paragraph in my homepage that should say a bit more than 'Hi, I'm a designer and I love hipster cheese bicycles.'


          I actually kinda like that.
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        • Profile picture of the author thisisMeganP
          Banned
          [DELETED]
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          • Profile picture of the author ixder
            I think you're right Megan, in my effort to be to concise, my text is getting really dry and generic. I'll start all over again and try to make it more fun and different and all.
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        • Profile picture of the author KreativCopy
          Originally Posted by ixder View Post

          Perhaps 'tagline' is not the right word It will be the first paragraph in my homepage that should say a bit more than 'Hi, I'm a designer and I love hipster cheese bicycles.'
          I like the hipster cheese bit...it actually made me laugh out loud and want to read more! It is good to add a bit of your personality in your offering.

          My guidance would be just try to keep in mind what the prospect wants, how can you solve their problem? Having great testimonials is good, but in your text on your home page I would perhaps frame a question to the reader along the lines of 'are you looking for a great designer who can blah blah blah' . Try to provide a solution for an issue they didn't even know they had.
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  • Profile picture of the author Adelaina
    If it's just for your pages intros, here's what I would try:

    1.
    From user research to concept creation and implementation, I do it all. Let me help your business not just talk to your clients, but whisper them what they really want to hear.

    2.
    I'm glad you found this page! Looking for an artist’s helping hand to give your software applications’ designs a human touch? I think I can help…
    My portfolio is a mouse click away so feel free to have a look at it:
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  • Profile picture of the author ixder
    Ooh I love that 'human touch' part Thanks!
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  • Profile picture of the author crums1371
    I always try to be a bit cocky in what I write. Not too much, but just enough to sound confident in your expertise.

    Make the reader subconsciously realize that there is no other authority in your field.
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    • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
      Originally Posted by crums1371 View Post

      I always try to be a bit cocky in what I write. Not too much, but just enough to sound confident in your expertise.

      Make the reader subconsciously realize that there is no other authority in your field.
      Umm...but there are other authorities. There always will be.

      OP - take the advice here with a grain of salt. Marcia's is spot on. If it's a tagline, it's quick and catchy. If it's body copy designed to help you stand out? Try reading this post on the best About pages out there. It may help inspire you.
      Signature

      Aspiring copywriters: if you need 1:1 advice from an experienced copy chief, head over to my Phone a Friend page.

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  • Profile picture of the author ixder
    Alright, yeah it will be impossible to follow up on all tips
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  • Profile picture of the author 723Media
    I would say keep it natural. Write the way you speak. If you do, you'll tend to attract clients you want to work with.

    Also, think about your customer. Who are you trying to attract? I'm a designer and developer myself and it's hard to get some clients to understand what UI, UX is let alone sell them on it.

    Look at your past customers. How did they find you? How did you tell them what you do? Boil it down to the basics.

    If you do web design, say that you "design some pretty amazing websites", if that's how you talk, or that you "design some kick ass websites", if that's how you talk. Again, write the way you speak. Be yourself and you'll find yourself with clients that you like working with.
    Signature
    http://socialeers.com
    http://graphicriver.net/user/723media/portfolio
    Are you ready to finally launch your product?
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