Need honest Opinions on my Letter... Get the Lead or Sell?
Hey guys,
***this is the newly re-drafted version of my letter still in the process of critique please send your feed back*****
I could really use some help. I have a big mailing going out, and i am not in the position to hire a top gun right now, but at the same time scared to try and find a diamond in the rough in the warrior forum.
This letter is to the parents of athletes al throuhout my county who are avid spenders at the new facility we are currently operating out of, and are all participating in extra activity consistently.
The athletes are between the ages of 13-18 and involved in sports. they are mildly affluent and have never had the privelege of seeing a sports eprformance training specialist, and there are no competitors in my area.
Does anyone have any tips for my letter? this wil include some testimonial pictures of the stated athlete, and a personal letter from our best client recomending us and offering a phone and email for further discussion.
any help is greatly appriciated!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. & Mrs. Jones,
Does your child have what it really takes to compete at the collegiate level, or better yet - receive an athletic scholarship?
Well, did you know the NCAA reported that less than 2% of high school athletes even perform at a level high enough to qualify for an athletically-based college scholarship? That means that less than 130,000 high schools athletes - of the millions - will receive any type of scholarship based on their athletic performance.
But have you ever wondered how and why other kids are performing at such incredible levels, athletes as young as 10 years old? Well here's a little secret... many of those who ARE in the Top 2% have a huge advantage over your child; that up until now you've never known about. Wouldn't you like to know what that advantage is?
Good, because I would like to offer you a shocking and eye opening glimpse of that advantage... with a complete Performance Analysis and Nike™ SPARQ™ Rating valued at $95.00, free to the first 200 parents and athletes to register or call.
You see Mr. & Mrs. Jones, the sad truth is for many athletes their career will end at the high school level; but it doesn't have to be that way. Not for your young athlete...Not anymore, because it has become my personal goal to change these statistics for this area, and more importantly...Your Child. I am here to enhance the level of competition in Sarasota and Charlotte County, so more athletes can fulfill their athletic potential, get exposed, get scholarships, and even compete at the professional level.
My name is Joshua Morris, founder and master trainer at Iron Strong Performance. You are reading this letter because we have partnered with the South County YMCA in Englewood, Florida; to bring your young and growing athlete the training, the nutrition, and the guidance needed to make it to the next level. I am very proud, and excited to say that we are the first and the only performance training firm in Charlotte County developed solely for the enhancement of the athlete.
We are bringing the same training and systems that professional athletes like Adrian Peterson of the Minnesota Vikings, Freddie Adu of the United States National Soccer Team, Jacoby Ellsbury of the Boston Red Sox, and Brandon Roy of the Portland Trail Blazers use to dominate their opponents.
So ... what is this training? Well we are one of the elite-few nationally that are licensed by and conduct Nike™ SPARQ™ Training. SPARQ™ is an Oregon based company partnered with Nike™ in a mission to develop the most advanced performance training systems and equipment available today. By meticulously testing, certifying and licensing companies (like ours) and their trainers across the country; they are bringing this new and cutting edge technology to young athletes everywhere. And now we are bringing it to you.
In addition to What Nike SPARQ has done for the industry, we have developed radically effective training systems for almost every sport that is played on the field, court, or track, and each program is completely tailored around the biomechanics and physical demands placed on the athlete competing in that sport. Our training technology allows us to complete the athlete through the development of speed, agility, reaction, quickness, explosiveness, balance, flexibility, and mechanics specific to the demands of your athlete's sport so they too can dominate their opponents.
When your young athlete takes part in our dynamic performance training programs, he or she will notice an incredible amount of benefit; both mentally and physically that is sure to shine through during competition. Your athlete will:
· Drastically enhance maximum speed, first-step quickness, linear and lateral speed, acceleration, deceleration, and improve sprinting form and mechanics
· Build strong and explosive muscle mass specific to the physical requirements of your child's sport
· Develop ankle-breaking agility, razor-sharp reaction, unaltered balance, and much more!
My team is currently working with MANY athletes in the area that are now performing at levels they once only dreamed of, receiving incredible amounts of exposure, letters from a variety of universities, phones calls from collegiate coaches, snazzy box seats to games, and even more importantly scholarship offers!
Who are these athletes? Athletes like Kasey Wilson, basketball player for North Port High School and the Florida Elite Travel Team. Since beginning his training prior to his freshmen season, Wilson has been named a Top Basketball Prospect for the Class of 2011 and as ESPN reports "is leading a revamped ball club." Kasey has added 16 inches onto his vertical jump, 40 pounds of lean muscle mass, taken precious time of his ¾ Court Sprint, and has improved his performance on the court tenfold. If you've seen him play, then you are witness to the effectiveness of our training.
In fact, when coaches ask how he has become so strong, fast, and athletic at his age and size, his parents reply "his trainer Josh Morris at Iron Strong." Kasey's father, Brett has told me personally "what you have done for Kasey is just...amazing!"
But Kasey is not alone. Like I said, we have many athletes training right now, changing their game, dominating their opponents, and improving their opportunity to receive collegiate scholarships and beyond.
Of course, you want your child to succeed. But unfortunately, without proper performance development athletically-based college scholarships are not impossible, but very hard to attain even with natural raw talent. Why? Because today's top performing athletes, even today's top high school athletes are all training to out play and out compete your child. There are millions of athletes all hungry for the same thing, but it's their training that truly sets them apart.
Give your child the advantage, but even more importantly give your child a better chance at attaining a college scholarship and fulfilling their dreams. If they truly want to be a professional athlete, isn't time they started training like one?
I will warn you that because we are the only local performance training firm, and because of the effectiveness of our programs - we tend to fill up very fast. As a result, I only have 40 additional training slots available at this time; but included in this envelope you'll find a voucher for an incredible 50% Off coupon, Good ONLY to the first 10 parents and athletes that respond, and ONLY for the first 21 days following the postmarked date of this letter.
So please, call us at (941) 421-8201 to schedule your initial consultation which includes a Nike™ SPARQ™ Evaluation and Rating and a 35-minute training session, so you can see first-hand if our training is right for your athlete. Again this $95.00 package is free to the first 200 parents and athletes to call or register so don't wait!
Pick up the phone and call me personally right now, please understand that there are thousands of local athletes hungry for training with literally no other source for performance enhancement...
As a matter of fact, just as you read this letter so are another nearly-2,000 parents and athletes. With only room for 40 more full time clients, it's safe to say we will be at capacity VERY shortly...
So please Do-NOT hesitate to call us Right Now. Your athlete could be missing out on record breaking stats, incredible college exposure, Newspaper articles, and an unforgettable spotlight performance this season that will stay vivid in you and your child's mind for the rest of your lives.
This and more is all waiting for you and you're talented, but performance-coaching starved athlete... But you need to act fast. The 50% Off Voucher in this envelope is only good for the first 10 Athletes and Parents to come in, and it expires promptly 21 days from the post marked date of this letter. Call us RIGHT NOW at 941-421-8201.
Sincerely and to your success,
Joshua Morris
Founder Iron Strong Performance
Master Trainer &Licensed Nike SPARQ Trainer
P.S. Please feel free to email Kasey Wilson's Parents to ask their honest and unsolicited opinion on what my training has done for their child's athletic career. Email them at brett@floridagulfcoasttours.com
***this is the newly re-drafted version of my letter still in the process of critique please send your feed back*****
I could really use some help. I have a big mailing going out, and i am not in the position to hire a top gun right now, but at the same time scared to try and find a diamond in the rough in the warrior forum.
This letter is to the parents of athletes al throuhout my county who are avid spenders at the new facility we are currently operating out of, and are all participating in extra activity consistently.
The athletes are between the ages of 13-18 and involved in sports. they are mildly affluent and have never had the privelege of seeing a sports eprformance training specialist, and there are no competitors in my area.
Does anyone have any tips for my letter? this wil include some testimonial pictures of the stated athlete, and a personal letter from our best client recomending us and offering a phone and email for further discussion.
any help is greatly appriciated!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. & Mrs. Jones,
Does your child have what it really takes to compete at the collegiate level, or better yet - receive an athletic scholarship?
Well, did you know the NCAA reported that less than 2% of high school athletes even perform at a level high enough to qualify for an athletically-based college scholarship? That means that less than 130,000 high schools athletes - of the millions - will receive any type of scholarship based on their athletic performance.
But have you ever wondered how and why other kids are performing at such incredible levels, athletes as young as 10 years old? Well here's a little secret... many of those who ARE in the Top 2% have a huge advantage over your child; that up until now you've never known about. Wouldn't you like to know what that advantage is?
Good, because I would like to offer you a shocking and eye opening glimpse of that advantage... with a complete Performance Analysis and Nike™ SPARQ™ Rating valued at $95.00, free to the first 200 parents and athletes to register or call.
You see Mr. & Mrs. Jones, the sad truth is for many athletes their career will end at the high school level; but it doesn't have to be that way. Not for your young athlete...Not anymore, because it has become my personal goal to change these statistics for this area, and more importantly...Your Child. I am here to enhance the level of competition in Sarasota and Charlotte County, so more athletes can fulfill their athletic potential, get exposed, get scholarships, and even compete at the professional level.
My name is Joshua Morris, founder and master trainer at Iron Strong Performance. You are reading this letter because we have partnered with the South County YMCA in Englewood, Florida; to bring your young and growing athlete the training, the nutrition, and the guidance needed to make it to the next level. I am very proud, and excited to say that we are the first and the only performance training firm in Charlotte County developed solely for the enhancement of the athlete.
We are bringing the same training and systems that professional athletes like Adrian Peterson of the Minnesota Vikings, Freddie Adu of the United States National Soccer Team, Jacoby Ellsbury of the Boston Red Sox, and Brandon Roy of the Portland Trail Blazers use to dominate their opponents.
So ... what is this training? Well we are one of the elite-few nationally that are licensed by and conduct Nike™ SPARQ™ Training. SPARQ™ is an Oregon based company partnered with Nike™ in a mission to develop the most advanced performance training systems and equipment available today. By meticulously testing, certifying and licensing companies (like ours) and their trainers across the country; they are bringing this new and cutting edge technology to young athletes everywhere. And now we are bringing it to you.
In addition to What Nike SPARQ has done for the industry, we have developed radically effective training systems for almost every sport that is played on the field, court, or track, and each program is completely tailored around the biomechanics and physical demands placed on the athlete competing in that sport. Our training technology allows us to complete the athlete through the development of speed, agility, reaction, quickness, explosiveness, balance, flexibility, and mechanics specific to the demands of your athlete's sport so they too can dominate their opponents.
When your young athlete takes part in our dynamic performance training programs, he or she will notice an incredible amount of benefit; both mentally and physically that is sure to shine through during competition. Your athlete will:
· Drastically enhance maximum speed, first-step quickness, linear and lateral speed, acceleration, deceleration, and improve sprinting form and mechanics
· Build strong and explosive muscle mass specific to the physical requirements of your child's sport
· Develop ankle-breaking agility, razor-sharp reaction, unaltered balance, and much more!
My team is currently working with MANY athletes in the area that are now performing at levels they once only dreamed of, receiving incredible amounts of exposure, letters from a variety of universities, phones calls from collegiate coaches, snazzy box seats to games, and even more importantly scholarship offers!
Who are these athletes? Athletes like Kasey Wilson, basketball player for North Port High School and the Florida Elite Travel Team. Since beginning his training prior to his freshmen season, Wilson has been named a Top Basketball Prospect for the Class of 2011 and as ESPN reports "is leading a revamped ball club." Kasey has added 16 inches onto his vertical jump, 40 pounds of lean muscle mass, taken precious time of his ¾ Court Sprint, and has improved his performance on the court tenfold. If you've seen him play, then you are witness to the effectiveness of our training.
In fact, when coaches ask how he has become so strong, fast, and athletic at his age and size, his parents reply "his trainer Josh Morris at Iron Strong." Kasey's father, Brett has told me personally "what you have done for Kasey is just...amazing!"
But Kasey is not alone. Like I said, we have many athletes training right now, changing their game, dominating their opponents, and improving their opportunity to receive collegiate scholarships and beyond.
Of course, you want your child to succeed. But unfortunately, without proper performance development athletically-based college scholarships are not impossible, but very hard to attain even with natural raw talent. Why? Because today's top performing athletes, even today's top high school athletes are all training to out play and out compete your child. There are millions of athletes all hungry for the same thing, but it's their training that truly sets them apart.
Give your child the advantage, but even more importantly give your child a better chance at attaining a college scholarship and fulfilling their dreams. If they truly want to be a professional athlete, isn't time they started training like one?
I will warn you that because we are the only local performance training firm, and because of the effectiveness of our programs - we tend to fill up very fast. As a result, I only have 40 additional training slots available at this time; but included in this envelope you'll find a voucher for an incredible 50% Off coupon, Good ONLY to the first 10 parents and athletes that respond, and ONLY for the first 21 days following the postmarked date of this letter.
So please, call us at (941) 421-8201 to schedule your initial consultation which includes a Nike™ SPARQ™ Evaluation and Rating and a 35-minute training session, so you can see first-hand if our training is right for your athlete. Again this $95.00 package is free to the first 200 parents and athletes to call or register so don't wait!
Pick up the phone and call me personally right now, please understand that there are thousands of local athletes hungry for training with literally no other source for performance enhancement...
As a matter of fact, just as you read this letter so are another nearly-2,000 parents and athletes. With only room for 40 more full time clients, it's safe to say we will be at capacity VERY shortly...
So please Do-NOT hesitate to call us Right Now. Your athlete could be missing out on record breaking stats, incredible college exposure, Newspaper articles, and an unforgettable spotlight performance this season that will stay vivid in you and your child's mind for the rest of your lives.
This and more is all waiting for you and you're talented, but performance-coaching starved athlete... But you need to act fast. The 50% Off Voucher in this envelope is only good for the first 10 Athletes and Parents to come in, and it expires promptly 21 days from the post marked date of this letter. Call us RIGHT NOW at 941-421-8201.
Sincerely and to your success,
Joshua Morris
Founder Iron Strong Performance
Master Trainer &Licensed Nike SPARQ Trainer
P.S. Please feel free to email Kasey Wilson's Parents to ask their honest and unsolicited opinion on what my training has done for their child's athletic career. Email them at brett@floridagulfcoasttours.com
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