Start-ups and "soundbites"

Not much help offered here - and maybe I should jus pack up and head back to the states - Buuut, before I do they reeally need my help here - but they think that they'll jus make something cool and it'll go viral. Having been born in Budapest and having roots going way back, I feel COMPELLED to help'em cause their copy sucks.

Here's an example of what they used, with a short video more the same:

"Who is SOPRESO for?
It is an essential tool for any new generation individual who uses digital presentation techniques which involves strategic engagement and data collection. SOPRESO is superbly innovative in the field of education or sales and enhances the efficiency of communication between presenter and target group."


Now here's what I wrote and they DID NOT use cause it was long:

"Who needs SOPRESO interactive presentation software, and why?

Are you...
an Event Organizer, Public speaker
a Academic Lecturer, Teacher
a Coach, Trainer, Human Resources...
Giving Sales Presentations, or Any Presentation to an audience in one or more locations and...

No hassle live presentation communication is essential...
To turn listeners into participants (so they personally “buy-in” to your program)
Get instant feedback – adjust and match your presentation for your audience's mood
Easily collect rich data – get the inside information on what your attendee's want and need
Collect more leads and more participants – immediately boost your numbers through the roof

If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions... even just one... look to us for the solution, our cool presentation tools show you how to get maximum results in minimum time from your next presentation. Works with any presentation software and... Read on...

SOPRESO features are simple, easy-to-use, and fast to implement...

Live slideshare, innovative and creative live presentation app increases communication...
Your audience can take slides home – and refer back to key slides later
“Catch-up” - they can easily go back if they missed a point or didn't keep up
Multiple locations – your audience can participate from anywhere in the world
Attendees in the back who can't see your slides can watch on smart devices

Questions and comments, track, control and “set up” the mood of your audience...
Questions during the presentation allow you to adjust to audience needs
Its community rated, so you can answer the best and most important questions
You can answer ANY or ALL questions during or after the presentation online
Remarkable Audience Response System beats the best Powerpoint presentation ever

Business cards,“A 70% more effective interactive presentation, 'zero in' your audience”...
Save time and collect everybody's business cards (no more incomplete, overlooked or lost BCs)
Networking is not limited to coffee breaks, tap in anytime, more than you ever dreamed possible
Business cards are more personal and useful because SOPRESO gets exclusive audience data
Talk to everybody you want – more people, more personally than possible with Powerpoint...

And much, much more. To get a better taste how SOPRESO would work for YOU, or to give it a try, just sign-up with facebook or Linkedin , or drop us your email address: < email address > "

So... any ideas for me to convince startups here in Hungary that they need better copy? Startups typically have no customers so traditional split testing would be tough to do. PPC and Twitter split testing may be the way to go.

As I look at my copy I certainly can do better (but for $15 I can't seem to get overly motivated.

Szia!

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