Need some feedback on sales letter

edwardboey · 08-20-2011, 05:45 AM

Hi guys,

I need some help on your feedback on the sales letter that i have here:
Get Astutexperience Today!! Get Discount to over 12,000 hotels all around the world!!

How can i improve on this, and do you think people would buy it?

Thanks,

Best regards,
Edward

sandrasims · 08-22-2011, 09:31 AM

Honestly? I would not buy it. There are way to many low-cost travel companies, travel deal sites, Travelzoo, etc. for me as a consumer to go to for good travel deals without buying a membership.

On the other hand, I DO have a membership in a time-share. But it is Hilton. These big companies have a big budget for online and offline marketing to get people like me interested and to buy. They have a lot of benefits, great properties, and amazing service from a trusted brand. Those are some of the reasons I bought it.

Sorry!

jaiper · 08-24-2011, 06:22 AM

1. Benefits (such as: discounts) should be higher on the page and attention grabbing.
2. Lack of social proof. You need testimonials, preferably with photos, and maybe links to social sites.
3. Top banner and text unaligned/disconnected. Looks unprofessional.

Hope it helps.

Viramara · 08-25-2011, 02:35 AM

nice offer, but it's lacking of specificity....sometimes the customers too will ask "what's the catch? this is too good to be true..."
it's just too generic for me. you might want to add the hotels logo you're JV-ing with...their brand can tantalize your product. and some testimonials. maybe your photo too, because $150 upfront is not a small amount for "average Joe and Jane"

08-20-2011, 05:45 AM	#1
edwardboey Active Warrior Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: , , Malaysia. Posts: 53 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 3 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Need some feedback on sales letter Hi guys, I need some help on your feedback on the sales letter that i have here: Get Astutexperience Today!! Get Discount to over 12,000 hotels all around the world!! How can i improve on this, and do you think people would buy it? Thanks, Best regards, Edward

08-22-2011, 09:31 AM	#2
sandrasims HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: DC with a Texas accent Posts: 168 Thanks: 50 Thanked 51 Times in 30 Posts Social Networking	Re: Need some feedback on sales letter Honestly? I would not buy it. There are way to many low-cost travel companies, travel deal sites, Travelzoo, etc. for me as a consumer to go to for good travel deals without buying a membership. On the other hand, I DO have a membership in a time-share. But it is Hilton. These big companies have a big budget for online and offline marketing to get people like me interested and to buy. They have a lot of benefits, great properties, and amazing service from a trusted brand. Those are some of the reasons I bought it. Sorry!

08-24-2011, 06:22 AM	#3
jaiper Active Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Porto, Portugal Posts: 62 Thanks: 115 Thanked 25 Times in 22 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Need some feedback on sales letter 1. Benefits (such as: discounts) should be higher on the page and attention grabbing. 2. Lack of social proof. You need testimonials, preferably with photos, and maybe links to social sites. 3. Top banner and text unaligned/disconnected. Looks unprofessional. Hope it helps.

08-25-2011, 02:35 AM	#4
Viramara handwriting analyst Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: anywhere but here Posts: 380 Thanks: 115 Thanked 62 Times in 51 Posts	Re: Need some feedback on sales letter nice offer, but it's lacking of specificity....sometimes the customers too will ask "what's the catch? this is too good to be true..." it's just too generic for me. you might want to add the hotels logo you're JV-ing with...their brand can tantalize your product. and some testimonials. maybe your photo too, because $150 upfront is not a small amount for "average Joe and Jane"