How NOT To Write A Press Release

Excellent advice, Bev!

It's vital to understand that a press release is not an ad. If it sounds like an ad, it will get tossed.

Another important thing to remember is not to use those awful, made-up quotes that are so stiff and formal. You know the ones I'm talking about. You read them and think, "Sheesh! Nobody speaks like this in normal, everyday conversation."

You might want to check out Dana Wilhoit's Free WSO from a few months ago to help you write your press releases.

Nigel

Great tips Bev. I just started using press releases and they kick some serious butt done right. It has taken me some work to talk third person, but it is more than worth it. One release I wrote for a client got picked up on 1k + sites in around 72 hours, just hoping all the ones I do for myself get half that.

Here's one I wrote for me and Vince that show's third person...
Young Mom Uses Barter To Escape Recession | PressReleasePoint

It's not the best but it should show you the whole 3rd person idea.

Best wishes,
Sylvia

Terrible Press Release. You don't tell us the most important part - what exactly is your product? Yes I know it's a "Fire-cured tobacco inhaler" but what does that mean? How does it work? What are the real benefits? - and I don't buy the "relaxed and refreshed" answer.
Going to your awful-looking site doesn't give any answers either. The speaking avatar YouTube clip is just plain dreadful. And it's "testimonial" not "testamonial".
If this PR floated across my news desk I would pass on it - with the comment "Rinky dink".
The most interesting part is the giving out of sample cigarettes on airplanes. And the footage showing people smoking on planes. That's your hook. "It's incredible to think that back in the day it was perfectly OK to smoke on a plane. In fact it was downright encouraged. Mickey Mouse Airlines, for instance, used to pass out sample packs of Marlboro to all its passengers. And you were free to smoke them onboard. Can you imagine that happening today?
Smoking has been banned on aircraft for the last 25 years. While stress and tension levels associated with flying have increased....blah blah blah"

Good stuff Bev,


You're really right about that especially the part about writing in the third person and it needs to be newsworthy and not be too "salesy"

Mo,

Not sure if you know this or not. Reporters HATE to see press releases in PDF format. So I'm not sure what you're planning to do with this, but you'll have to distribute it as text plus pictures.

All pictures will need informative captions, too.

Good luck,
Marcia Yudkin

Mo,

Just a few things to think about:

Most of your information in the press release is inside quotes. These quotes don't sound like quotes. Quotes need to sound like someone actually said them in conversation. Plus it's just too long. If you're going to have some FACTS about this product (which the press release is sorely lacking), state the facts without putting everything in quotes.

You haven't even identified who the president of this company is, yet he is being quoted. Introduce him to the reader by using his name and title the first time he appears.

Random capitalization and use of the ampersand throughout the document. This distracts the reader and lets the reader know that you didn't give it one last look before you sent it off. If you didn't check something as basic as spelling, formatting, etc., did you neglect checking the facts?

There is no hook.

I still have no idea what this product is or why it might be newsworthy. It still reads very much like an ad.

The only spot that comes close to being newsworthy is when you mention that there was an annual meeting in Las Vegas, but then this thought is forgotten.

You mentioned the stress of travel and how this gadget reduces that stress. If you're going to mention something like this, include some facts. If this gadget really has been proven to reduce stress, this might be what makes it newsworthy.

What does "completion of their trademarked Urban Travel Companion" mean? How do you complete the trademark? Has all of the paperwork for the trademark been completed? People do that every day. Has the prototype been completed? Is it now in production?

First of all, it is never correct to use both "Dr." and "M.D." Choose one and go with it. The way it reads now, you are calling this guy "Dr. Doctor." Refer to him either as

Dr. Paul Vernon

or

Paul Vernon, M.D.

Not both. One or the other.

Who is this doctor and why is his opinion important to this press release? Is he the president of the company (the one that wasn't identified in a previous paragraph)? If so, there is no way for the reader to know this.

I think you need to decide the one most important thing that you want to express in this press release and then whittle everything else away. Right now, it isn't clear, especially when reading your headline:

I don't even know where to take a breath when I read this.

I'm sorry, but that is completely wrong.

This totally depends on what business you are in. If you have a product that's used by medical staff in nursing homes (one of my clients), you design the press release so it will be credible to that very narrow professional group, and to the magazines that serve that niche. If you have a product that's used by parents of triplets, your press release needs to be of interest to that relatively small population as well as the businesses that serve them.

Marcia Yudkin