Critique from someone looking to reduce weight pls! :-)

BillOliver · 07-11-2009, 04:49 AM

I have a problem... actually I DON'T have a problem & that's the problem! :-)
Sounds crazy I expect - so I better explain that!

I am a solid copywriter who is writing an ebook for my client in the weight reduction industry. MOST important, it needs to have solid info and not too much hype. Question then becomes: where's the balance?

MY PROBLEM IS THIS: I've never tried any weight reduction mehods -so I don't REALLY know how weight reducers think/feel. I'm looking for more accuracy in my writing! - not the stuff you learn in courses either! :-)

IF YOU ARE WILLING TO TAKE TIME TO COMMENT on the 19pp ebook
from a REAL weight reducers point of view, I'D APPRECIATE IT VERY MUCH.

People LOOKING for Weight Reduction methods ONLY please,
NOT just fellow copywriters who think they know the market.
NOT those happy with either their weight reduction method or their weight.
NOT those trying to push a particular other weight reduction method,
Please state any commercial interests in other methods (e.g. HerbalLife seller etc)
Thank you ever so much.

Please PM me so I can attach to private message.
I am not wanting anyone's critiques to affect to affect thoughts and feelings of others.

Here are the questions I'd appreciate you answering - OR just your own summary would be appreciated.
1) What did you like MOST about it?

2) What else did you like?
i.e. What 'struck a chord'/connected/resonated with you.

3) What did you like LEAST about it?

4) What esle did you dislike?
Anything turn you off, left you cold, negative etc.

5) If you had to write copy to fellow weight reducers,
what would you ADD? Have I MISSED anything?

6) If you had to edit my copy to your fellow weight reducers,
what would you REMOVE?

7) How far did you read?
a) Cover & 1st page only? ... or less?
b) Well into it (page number?)
c) Right to the end.

8) IF there was a button for more info, prices etc,
would you click it with a view to getting more info or buying please?

9) How was it in terms of balance between raw information & personal appeal please?
(Too much personal appeal without info = 'hype',
Too much raw info without personal appeal = 'boring')

10) ANY other comments please?

BIG thank you for willing to take time to help.
Thank you ever so.
Bill Oliver - copywriter (and a grateful one at that)

BillOliver · 07-11-2009, 04:51 AM

ah - you'll need this attachment to answer! sorry :-)

07-11-2009, 04:49 AM	#1
BillOliver Sales Writer/Coach Join Date: May 2009 Location: Muar, Malaysia Posts: 59 Thanks: 8 Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Critique from someone looking to reduce weight pls! :-) I have a problem... actually I DON'T have a problem & that's the problem! :-) Sounds crazy I expect - so I better explain that! I am a solid copywriter who is writing an ebook for my client in the weight reduction industry. MOST important, it needs to have solid info and not too much hype. Question then becomes: where's the balance? MY PROBLEM IS THIS: I've never tried any weight reduction mehods -so I don't REALLY know how weight reducers think/feel. I'm looking for more accuracy in my writing! - not the stuff you learn in courses either! :-) IF YOU ARE WILLING TO TAKE TIME TO COMMENT on the 19pp ebook from a REAL weight reducers point of view, I'D APPRECIATE IT VERY MUCH. People LOOKING for Weight Reduction methods ONLY please, NOT just fellow copywriters who think they know the market. NOT those happy with either their weight reduction method or their weight. NOT those trying to push a particular other weight reduction method, Please state any commercial interests in other methods (e.g. HerbalLife seller etc) Thank you ever so much. Please PM me so I can attach to private message. I am not wanting anyone's critiques to affect to affect thoughts and feelings of others. Here are the questions I'd appreciate you answering - OR just your own summary would be appreciated. 1) What did you like MOST about it? 2) What else did you like? i.e. What 'struck a chord'/connected/resonated with you. 3) What did you like LEAST about it? 4) What esle did you dislike? Anything turn you off, left you cold, negative etc. 5) If you had to write copy to fellow weight reducers, what would you ADD? Have I MISSED anything? 6) If you had to edit my copy to your fellow weight reducers, what would you REMOVE? 7) How far did you read? a) Cover & 1st page only? ... or less? b) Well into it (page number?) c) Right to the end. 8) IF there was a button for more info, prices etc, would you click it with a view to getting more info or buying please? 9) How was it in terms of balance between raw information & personal appeal please? (Too much personal appeal without info = 'hype', Too much raw info without personal appeal = 'boring') 10) ANY other comments please? BIG thank you for willing to take time to help. Thank you ever so. Bill Oliver - copywriter (and a grateful one at that)
	Bill Oliver (B.Bus. Banking & Finance, Computing) Sales Writer/Marketing Coach, Resume: www.billoliver.net NICHES: Financial Sector, Sales & Services, Brick & Mortar SMEs. btw I'm an Australian living in Malaysia & a 1978 Fiat X1/9 owner.