Touchy Situation :) - What do you guys think?

[Jeremy Kelsall]

I'm caught between a rock and a hard place here and need some advice...

Here's the deal.

My wife is a stay at home mother and school starts in about 3 weeks. She is already complaining that she is going to be bored, can you believe that? A woman complaining...That was just a joke ladies, relax

She does quite a bit of stuff for me as far as posting content, link building and other SEO work. Yesterday she approached me about setting her up with some customers to perform those tasks for her as well. I told her I would think about it, partially hoping that she wouldn't bring it up again lol

Anyway, she did bring it up again. This is where I'm torn...

She is really good at what she does, because I've trained her to do things the way that I like them done and she does what I've tested. However, I'm not sure that I want to "be in business" with her on that level. I hope you can understand what I'm saying there...

Any advice or thoughts? I'm willing to bet that a couple other warriors have been in a similar situation

[Charles Montgomery]

It can be a lot of fun working with your wife. You will feel really close. But as soon as business turns to business, and you run into problems and snags within the business, it will put a strain on your relationship.

I say Approach with caution, at your own risk. But, that depends on how close you guys are. The simple fact that you are posting this, seems to show that you already know what to do

[Valorie]

So you're saying she wants you to find her other webmasters to work for? Is she going to have time to do your stuff too? Or are you going to get bumped for her clients that pay better?

In all seriousness, my husband and I don't work together because it just gets ugly. Other couples run huge businesses together and they make it work.

I guess I don't understand what the issue is, here exactly.


By the way- could you let her know I am so glad she gets to stay home with her kids, and she gets to be valuable to you as far as the business part goes? She is so blessed. Even though I'm sure it doesn't feel that way to her sometimes.

[Kelly Verge]

Jeremy, it really all depends on your relationship.

I'm guessing that your reluctance stems from foreseeing difficulties. If that's the case, I'd recommend treading very lightly when thinking about or planning out a working relationship.

[LilBlackDress]

Jeremy,

She is already in business with you doing quite a bit of your online work and as you say doing a great job.

Are you saying you can take what you need from her, ie her content posting, SEO work etc and fill your needs but not give her growth opportunities and fill hers?

If she wasn't working with you already and doing a great job it would be one thing....but you have already passed that point. I think it only fair that you support her also.

[Jeremy Kelsall]

Don and I have a bunch of people that work for us to do this kind of stuff so, even if she doesn't have time to do "my stuff" really doesn't make a big difference to me. She more or less does stuff for me to feel like she is contributing I think...I've never really asked lol - Typical man?

She does some offline stuff and has landed deals with some local tattoo parlors as far as getting simple sites done for them with a bit of SEO etc, but she really doesn't like knocking on doors if you know what I mean

She does feel really blessed to be able to stay home, she says it all the time My youngest is going to pre-school this year so the house will be completely empty and she already isn't looking forward to waking up with nothing to do...I tried to tell her that is a good problem lol but she says only for a week or so and then she will be bored and was thinking about getting a job outside of the home. Then when she started talking to me about it she brought up a lot of good points.

One being that outside of the home she will probably make $300 - $500 a week which she knows is relatively small compared to what is made on the internet. The other one was that she hasn't had a "job" in over 2 or 3 years so, she's not sure she will even like working for the "man".

I think in the end, she will probably get a green light on this, but I was interested to see if there were other warriors that branched out like this and what their experiences were just to know what I had to look forward too

[Jeremy Kelsall]

Originally Posted by LilBlackDress

Jeremy,

She is already in business with you doing quite a bit of your online work and as you say doing a great job.

Are you saying you can take what you need from her, ie her content posting, SEO work etc and fill your needs but not give her growth opportunities and fill hers?

If she wasn't working with you already and doing a great job it would be one thing....but you have already passed that point. I think it only fair that you support her also.

DOH!!!

Now you sound just like her!! I'm going to go on her facebook and see if you guys are friends or something

It really isn't that I don't support her. It's just that as it stands now - If she gets it done, she gets it done...If she doesn't then I either do it myself or have someone else do it.

Taking clients means that IT HAS TO BE DONE. I guess the thought of ever having the conversation along the lines of "this has to be done" doesn't exactly excite me. Although, she is very reliable and she is pissed at me for even bringing that up, but I did so only to set her expectations in a way that there were no surprises.

[LilBlackDress]

It is a tough job market and she has not worked in awhile. And she knows she can probably do a lot more working with you, make more and have greater flexibility if the kids get sick etc.

You have someone you trust and you have personally "trained"
She could prove to be an incredible asset to help grow your business even more.

Set some ground rules and establish things they way you want them.

From what you have said, I have a feeling she is very reliable and responsible and will do what needs to be done. Yet you are questioning this? Give her the benefit of the doubt Jeremy.
This is your life partner and she deserves this opportunity.
If she had not already been working with you, I might feel differently.

[Lutz80]

To be honest it is different with each individual couple in my opinion, but myself and my wife have been in business and working together for 6 years now and I like it, but that is just us. What is good for one couple is not for another. My friend had done this as well and it didn't work but they already argue and fuss at each other when they didn't work together so it is disaster from the start. So If you are good friends now along with your marriage, and she will be dedicated it should work with no problems. But you have to let her know when it comes to clients like you said it has to been done in a timely manner, and it will be your rep and hers on the line if you vouch for her and get her jobs. And after all this is your business and your rep that you have built . In my experience building relationships in this business, and networking takes time and effort to just throw away . Anyway that is just my view good luck !

[George Wright]

Hi Jeremy,

Get yourself some Pen Names and let your "new friends" hire her. I'm sure they will be able to work with your wife very well and they will treat her just as well as you do. Why, they might even give her all the leeway she needs.

George Wright

[centextkt]

Here is what I do in these situations:

Take both of the sides and envision what might happen if you take action one way or another.

If you envision good happening, that is the right thing to do. If you see problems ahead if you take a particular action, that is probably what you want to avoid.

Only you know the particulars and what might happen...


My first advice as an outsider not knowing all the particulars would be this:

If this is what she really wants, set her up, support her and see what happens.

If you don't, it could cause some friction.

Terry

[Jeremy Kelsall]

Lots of really good advice here. Thank you everyone. I think I know what I have to do

[CDarklock]

Originally Posted by Jeremy Kelsall

Taking clients means that IT HAS TO BE DONE. I guess the thought of ever having the conversation along the lines of "this has to be done" doesn't exactly excite me.

Perhaps the answer isn't to give her clients, but to help her find clients.

I have the same problem with my wife - maybe it gets done, maybe not. It's done right when it does get done, but about 80% of what I outsource to her... I have to do myself in the end.

[dallas407]

CDarlock is exactly right. It'll be better if she has her own clients.

I think the secret to making this work is deciding between these 2 options:

- Be IN business with your spouse
- Treat your spouse as your employee

If you decide to be IN business together, be IN business together. Treat each other as equal business owners, and each person will feel more of an obligation and responsibility to perform because they both feel ownership and both share revenue or have their own clients.

When you go the route of treating your spouse like an employee, they are going to act more like an employee. They'll expect you as the owner to handle responsibilities and make sure all important items are being done. They'll be more focused on tasks and 'helping you out' every once in a while and less concerned with the results or consequences of not doing things on time. Obviously you're not going to 'fire them', so there's not much motivation in getting everything done on time, particularly when they find better things to do.

It's not their fault, I think it's just the mindset every person gets in when they feel no ownership of something. It's "your thing", and you're just dumping your responsibilities onto them every once in a while. No employee will ever feel the same way about a business as the owner of the business does.

One warning though, it's difficult to move from that phase of one being more of an employee to transitioning into a business partner, but it can be done. I know from experience.

[Martin Luxton]

Jeremy,

Amen! I think the crux of the matter is she wants to be working WITH you, not FOR you.

Why don't you separate your business from hers? She sets up her own company, own Paypal and merchant account and then she bills you for work done.

Also, is there an area of IM where you are weak or you avoid?

I don't like Adwords so my wife is studying to become a Google Adwords professional. Being an Adwords/SEO consultant would fit in great with her WAHM timetable and she won't being working for me but with me (hopefully she'll give me a family discount ).

Martin

[Shannon Tani]

My husband and I don't work well together either.

But perhaps I'm missing something...if she does a good job at the tasks that you give her to do, why can't you show her how to set up her own money-making site based on a hobby of hers?

Love,
Shannon

[Jeremy Kelsall]

Originally Posted by Shannon Tani

My husband and I don't work well together either.

But perhaps I'm missing something...if she does a good job at the tasks that you give her to do, why can't you show her how to set up her own money-making site based on a hobby of hers?

Love,
Shannon

She's not really into the whole process. Not that she couldn't do it, but she works better with a "punch list". As an example, Don and I set up a new site and we wanted 200 PR3+ links pointing to it so, I asked her to do it. Two days later, it was done.

Now, If I were to ask her to find a niche, do keyword research etc...She probably wouldn't enjoy that

Which brings up an unrelated, but interesting thing that I just talked about earlier today with someone.

Not everyone is cut out to make money the same way. There are people that I've talked to that no matter how hard they tried, how many courses they took, how many coaching programs the were in etc just couldn't make money. Yet, when they decided to try their hand at offering services whether it was writing, building sites, seo, or research they started to earn. Same with Article Marketing and Adwords, some people can't make a dime writing articles, but they try their hand with adwords and start knocking out $200 days or the other way around.

[BizBoost]

Originally Posted by Jeremy Kelsall

She is already complaining that she is going to be bored, can you believe that? A woman complaining...That was just a joke ladies, relax

The genie is already out of the bottle, Jeremy, but good luck, anyways.

[PrettyJenny]

I was working in the same office together with my BF for half a year and even though everything was fine, I wouldn't do it again. I always think in a relationship 2 people should not see each other 24/7, there should be some small time apart so that you wouldn't feel too overwhelmed by each other. Maybe it's different to other couples but it's just what its like to me.
I think you should show her how to start everything for herself, like a business plan, daily task list for her business to get her busy and from there she would go on her own.

[MarkH45]

Happy Wife = Happy Life

I bought your stuff before and it's first class, you're a smart guy with a great business just let her do her own thing...

[MichaelHiles]

I've been business partners with my wife several times in the past. It worked great for us, but we communicate exceptionally well, and don't react emotionally to surface issues. I can rely on her for a lot of detail-oriented support because she's good at the lists.

[geolt7]

Hi Jeremy,

My personal take on this is that everyone has their gifts and one of best things in life is being able to contribute to the success of those who are close to us, even when sometimes it may mean certain level of inconvenience and interruption on our part. There will be certain things that she need you to help her with when the time comes and your skills will be able to complement hers and to me, that's a couple in harmony. With some conflicts but yet in harmony. Am I making sense?

[Karen Connell]

Originally Posted by Jeremy Kelsall

Not everyone is cut out to make money the same way. There are people that I've talked to that no matter how hard they tried, how many courses they took, how many coaching programs the were in etc just couldn't make money. Yet, when they decided to try their hand at offering services whether it was writing, building sites, seo, or research they started to earn. Same with Article Marketing and Adwords, some people can't make a dime writing articles, but they try their hand with adwords and start knocking out $200 days or the other way around.

You are right about that! I had made zilch until I began to offer something that I'm good at - my writing services. Now demand is exceeding my supply capabilities so I'm having to limit my client numbers.

But, when I made my first $, it was the best feeling...

Encourage your wife to make her own first $ and the motivation to do more follows. It's really not up to you to 'allow' her to do some work for herself but it is your 'job' to help and encourage her to do what she wants to do.

Good luck to your wife in whatever she decides to do.

Karen

[CuzinTim]

Hey Jeremy there's some great replies in this thread and there is a lot for you to think over mixing business w/ personal life but putting yourself online in business is blending in with your personal life so you should be used to it to an extent.

I've seen your post where you said sometimes you go to library etc. to work. It's a change of pace most definitely. You seem to be doing well online but we don't know her financial goals. Are they the same as yours? Maybe not.

People need fulfillment in life. Helping you while doing the full-time+ job (with no overtime pay :P) of being a mother is fulfilling. Kids going to school and she sees boredom while you're working and helping others, she wants something to do, be of value and service to people. Maybe she just wants a part time job worthwhile regardless of pay but to be of value to others & a change of pace.

Otherwise help her to start herself / services up by helping her with the tedious details and maybe offer to affiliate for her.

[dsmpublishing]

Hi

me and my husband work side by side and it works like a dream and there have been very few arguements. We are very equal though which i believe is very important.

kind regards


sam
X

[Cassie18]

Here's my two cents - In general my opinion is that men and women don't really communicate well. I don't know why, but often times husbands and wives have a hard time telling each other what they want. I think, as do some of the other posters here, that she wants to work with you and not for you. She is coming to the point where her children's needs don't dominate her life.

Are you sure she wouldn't like to start from square one to build a business for herself ie, find a niche etc.? Don't ask her to find a niche, show her how to find one. Getting a job outside the home is going to make her unavailable if the kids are sick or off of school. Personally, I don't think she really wants to do that. She is looking to do something and if you two don't find common ground on this, there will be friction that will grow stronger out of frustration.

Teaching her aspects of the game may take up your time and cause you some headaches, but you love her right? If you are both happy, life will be much easier. By pursuing something she wants she will be fullfilled, not bored.

Good luck Jeremy!

[ClarityFactor]

Hey Jeremy,

It seems like you just answered it here, didn't you?

Originally Posted by Jeremy Kelsall

She's not really into the whole process. Not that she couldn't do it...

Now, If I were to ask her to find a niche, do keyword research etc...She probably wouldn't enjoy that

Since you probably already know...

How exactly does your wife find enjoyment?

(assuming her motivation is fulfillment and boredom avoidance, hehe)

You could just surprise her and ask her to describe her perfect half day for you, couldn't ya?

Or maybe just have some fun and...

Imagine for a moment that your wife is your most important client. Your duty is to write the sales copy for her perfect half day... and when you nail it... the result will be the imagery for that perfect day.
(validated by your wife to be clear of course)

Then of course you'll have to make a business decision:
How does your business model allow for the flexibility to meet both the needs of your wife and the requirement of your clients?

Great to see your love show up in consideration for your wife.

Best,
Mario

P.S. Remember that perfect half day can be a moving target...

edited for readability... i think good night ;-)

[Intrepreneur]

I've heard good things about Justin's Anrodi Control Panel which is now Recruit & Train Internet Marketing Assistants With Ease.

You could maybe jump on that or allow your wife to do that and find good prospects for doing what you know works best.

[Andy]

Hi Jeremy,

I'm chimng in here without reading all the posts so forgive me if I get redundant by repetition :-)

Why not set up a separate corporation for your wife? Let her build a business of her own. You've already said she's kinda doing her own thing - so just make it official.

She can bill your biz for the work she does for you and expand from there. There's no reason her thing has to be a clone of yours.

I really want to have my wife be able to quit her job and stay home. She's very talented with the financial stuff and she loves that kind of thing. She'd also be very happy puttering around with crafts and things.

We generally work very well together but a lot of the stuff I do - like writing is pretty solitary. She hates that kind of thing.

In other words - we compliment each other well.

My suggestion to you is to help her find her own thing to do. If you find you don't work well in close quarters, then make whatever changes you need to do.

God bless,

Andy

[TMG Enterprises]

Jeremy, I notice several instances in this thread where you say you don't believe your wife would like to do this or that. I think you'd be better off asking her instead of assuming. If she says, gee, no honey - I just want to keep doing what I'm doing but for more people...fine. Try to set her up doing exactly what she does for you for a few clients of her own.

But she could surprise you and want to learn the other stuff, too. Perhaps there is a hobby or subject that she's passionate about and could set up a blog and all that around it?

I have to admit that I think things could get ugly if you are too enmeshed in one business. You might be the rare couple that can handle that level of stress but most can't. But if she has her own business going, she could feel fulfilled and be contributing to the family income.

Really, though, your first step should be talking to her instead of just assuming what she wants.

Tina

[Nicholas William]

mate. I hear what you're saying, my advice would be to remember she is your wife and dont treat her like an employee or subordinate simply because she's on the payroll. If you're a good manager, you'll view staff as equal members of the team. Don't be one of those guys who think's it's about control and being "the boss".

Clearly explain your expectations and give her enough trust and respect to do the job without hovering over every little detail. If you're going to micro manage, then hire a college student and whip them everyday

[Cherie L]

I haven't read all the posts so someone else may have already suggested this but it seems simple - she's already doing well with your stuff so suggest to her that you guys set her up with a business the is different from yours ie if your business is aimed at internet marketing systems have her work with pets sites or something else she likes. She can use your system but go for a totally different chunk of internet customers. Depending on the way you guys relate to one another you could either challenge her or incourage her. Either way it keeps you separate but you can still relate to each other. Only downside would be you may lose your free help.

[Jason Dolman]

As others have already... I would suggest supporting her in her endeavor to create her own Internet marketing business.

Rather than having to deal with the expectations that coming with working FOR you more so as an employee, she will have the freedom to chart her own path.

At the end of the day, your conversations won't be about "What did you get done today?" and will instead be more long the lines of "How did it go today?" with you proving guidance and support.



Jason

P.S. Just for the record... my wife has no personal interest in IM so I am not speaking from direct experience of the relationship I'm suggesting -- other than that of women, how they operate, and which obstacles they're likely to face moving into a wife=employee relationship

[Al Vaughan]

Hey Jeremy

Teach her everything you know, treat her as your partner, Let her run the business, then go off and play golf...Enjoy life

[Kael41]

Back when I was big into recipe sites, I basically taught my wife how to work with Joomla. She has several of her own sites now and makes a decent adsense income Just gotta turn them onto something they can enjoy and be passionate about.

[Jeremy Kelsall]

I appreciate all the input everyone

I was really hoping to hear either one thing or something else as the majority, but it seems that there are different opinions Damn.

The time spent together won't be an issue. She doesn't work outside the home and neither have I for almost a year or maybe a little more than a year - I forget so, we are used to spending all day and night together.

She would definitely be more of a "partner" and not an employee. lol - I know for a fact that treating her as an employee wouldn't work, especially since she is used to giving the orders

We talked about it again this morning and we are going to give it a go. We actually came up with a pretty solid plan that would allow it to be a pretty big earner if everything goes right.

[HelenS]

Congrats to you guys! I cant wait to get to the point that my hubby can quit his day job and we can work on this together (within our own roles on our own things of course)

[ajsmith]

Easy solution. Your wife is "bored out of her gord". She sounds like a very bright person and she probably is craving to do something creative, whether she knows it or not. In the end, she's coming off as bored and restless because she is! The solution? What has she always wanted to do....paint, modern dance, write short stories? Once she's involved in her passion, then the enthusiasm in the work that she does with you will skyrocket. How do I know? Been there! The secret is for her to tap into her passion.

[EMS]

Think is really depends on your relationship...
Working with your wife could be nice...But it have some negative side.

[TMG Enterprises]

Jeremy, I hope you know how lucky you are to have someone that will understand what you're doing and is willing to work towards the same dream. In my house, I can't discuss what I do very often because eyes glaze over.

Tina

[Steve Peters Benn]

Hi Tina,

Thats awful. I don't get that at home but friends and colleagues either go crazy ('my brother in law tried that but you, youre actually making it happen) or (yeah... right).

[tdpubs]

Here is a solution for you; let her start her own service and you will be one of her clients. That way you still get the service but she's independent of you. There will be less arguments and friction.
Dennis Francis
DiD Publishing Inc.

[Andy]

Hi Jeremy,

Glad to hear you guys worked something out. I trust all will go well.

God bless,

Andy

[mikemcmillan]

You're smart kids, I know you'll work it out.

I know a lot of people out there in this economy rail on about, "I can't find a job. I can't find a job." I always tell them to go out and create a job. That's obviously what you and your wife have done--kudos!

The only thing I would say, and you know this, is that family has to come first. If you monitor the situation and you get an inkling your wife is ever getting stressed out about trying to do too much--maybe you could turn her loose to do her own business using what she has learned from you and then outsource the tasks she had been doing for you.

I only say this because overload leads to frustration and frustrations can build and that's obviously not good for a relationship. My wife, who is gone now, used to put in tons of time with me and also did accounting work for other clients. I could feel when she was getting stressed so I'd tell her to take a couple weeks off from helping me and I'd bring in a temp to do the paperwork she helped me with.

You're a lucky man Jeremy to have a good woman and good partner--good luck.

[MikeHumphreys]

Jeremy,

Why not coach her on starting her own business? It could be a service business like what she does for you. It could be an infoproduct business... going after niches that you're not in or not interested in pursuing.

As a service business... heck, she could find clients on places like Elance. The pay isn't great but hey, it would be her own clients and she could be as busy (or slow) as she wanted.

Hope that helps,

Mike

[Jack Duncan]

Jeremy,
I'd make her sign a non-compete agreement...

Just kidding....

If it was me, I'd set her up her own site and let her have 100% of the profits...but let her figure out how much work goes into running a business beyond just link building, posting, etc...

Hey, can't you give her so much work that she wouldn't dream of taking on any more?


Has she signed up for the Warrior Forum yet...

Cheers,
Jack Duncan

[MacFreddie]

Does she know how much money you make?

[Jeremy Kelsall]

Originally Posted by MacFreddie

Does she know how much money you make?

No, surprisingly - We never talk about it.

I'd imagine all my "play money" will soon disappear though lol

We've decided that she is going to give it a go and we just about have all the details worked out Just hiring a couple other people to help her out and I'm sure she will be doing business with some of you in the near future

[Dana_W]

Originally Posted by Jeremy Kelsall

She's not really into the whole process. Not that she couldn't do it, but she works better with a "punch list". As an example, Don and I set up a new site and we wanted 200 PR3+ links pointing to it so, I asked her to do it. Two days later, it was done.

Now, If I were to ask her to find a niche, do keyword research etc...She probably wouldn't enjoy that

Which brings up an unrelated, but interesting thing that I just talked about earlier today with someone.

Not everyone is cut out to make money the same way. There are people that I've talked to that no matter how hard they tried, how many courses they took, how many coaching programs the were in etc just couldn't make money. Yet, when they decided to try their hand at offering services whether it was writing, building sites, seo, or research they started to earn. Same with Article Marketing and Adwords, some people can't make a dime writing articles, but they try their hand with adwords and start knocking out $200 days or the other way around.

That is SO true. I have done really really well in some areas of internet marketing, but there have been things I've tried that just flopped.

It's important for people to know that they need to try different things in IM because some of it will work for them and some won't. And you won't know what will work, until you try.

[slovatt]

I've known several couples that have made a great team. Only you know how you feel about working closely with her, but a word of advice from a woman. She's asking you to support her dreams. I suggest you give her all the support you can and praise her successes.