Go on. Rip my Sales Page apart! I Beg You To.

[willyboy104]

Hello guys and girls.

I have just finished uploading my new sales page with a new sales copy which has been written by a fulltime copywriter so I hope you think its good.

I want to test this sales page out now and see what the conversions are like however I am also looking for you lot, as experienced Internet marketers, to rip it apart!

I would like you to tell me everything you hate and what I could do to improve it.

Please don't go easy, I want to get conversions WAY down.

So this is the page;

www.TheMigraineRelief.com

Some of you may of seen my previous posts asking for feedback with the affiliates page, so thank you again for everyones help up to now.

[Jared Alberghini]

Just took a quick look, and overall it looks great, (didn't read all the copy) however I would suggest adding your Order Now button to your top nav menu, ex:

Home - About - FAQ's - Testimonials - ORDER NOW

Also, I would add your order now button to the bottom (possibly the top also) of the About, FAQ's & Testimonials pages.

Another thought was I would have liked to see your Order Now button ABOVE the fold on your main page... in addition to the bottom of the page like you have now.

Just some suggestions to think about...

Jared

[Jillian Slack]

Looks good.

Not too cluttered.

Nice colors.

Your testimonial boxes look sharp.

“Here’s how to break the cycle & eliminate your migraine,
quickly & easily, so you look & feel great everyday”
The truth about migraines has finally been exposed!”

In this chunk of text, you've got one opening pair of quotation marks, and then two closing sets.

Also, when used this way, "everyday" should be "every day."


One big, important thing is missing, though. Where is your opt-in box so you can build a relationship with those who choose not to buy at this time? Once they click to leave your site, they are likely gone forever.

Jill

[yourreviewer]

Overall a nice salespage, I thought there was too much of white space on the right side of the salespage. Maybe it's my browser but wanted to let you know anyhow.

[Frank Donovan]

Hi Willyboy

Because of the standard you set yourself with your affiliates' pages, I was slightly disappointed with this effort.

You'll probably get more expert feedback at the copywriting forum: The Copywriting Forum but for what it's worth, here are some initial observations:

It's surprising that a full-time copywriter allowed so many typos to get through. Also, some of the sentences are a bit cumbersome.

The heading needs work. It's not nearly compelling enough and I always think that using the word "Guaranteed" in a headline smacks a little of desperation.

The testimonials look made up (not saying they are) - it probably doesn't help that the same people are saying different things on the sales page from what they're saying on the testimonials page.

Overall, it's not a bad attempt; but IMO it needs a better headline and a tighter, clearer copy.

Best of luck.



Frank

[EDIT] I see you've already started to change things

[Scott Ames]

The signature should be left aligned rather than centered.

Don’t just do nothing,ACT NOW! - A double negative, it doesn't read well.

[willyboy104]

Thank you everyone up to now, some excellent feedback and I shall work on this straight away.

@Frank thank you for your comments, to be honest I was a little disappointed with what the copy writer did I thought some bits were good however the main focus points were not strong enough and most seem to agree. The headlines for example are something I am now working on because I too believe they are not strong enough.

I am trying to get this as good as I can because obviously with such a strong affiliate page as I believe I have I don't want to let affiliates down on the sales page but copywriting is not my fortae (sp?)

Thanks everyone up to now I shall be tweaking this all night I think.

As for the opt in box. Do you mean one when they go to leave the page add it before they go with a 10% discount or just an opt in box, if an opt in box what could I offer them?

[johnjimat]

maybe you should offer a discount, special offer or free report etc..

[Chris_Willow]

Offer a bonus like free consultation or something.

But damn, that is one serious affiliate page, dude. Totally like it Copy is great too.

[Adway]

I must say, your copywriter really study the topic and understood exactly what to target to get people to want your product.

I personally have two family members who suffer migraines, and its a horrible feeling to see someone in a great deal of pain, without having the ability to do anything about it. One of the family members being my mother. A while back, 5 years or so, she used to suffer from major migraines, over and over and over again, and it would happen twice+ a week. It has lessened. I heard migraines lessen with age.

Your sales copy seems to target people who are suffering from migraines daily, or are just dying from them. However the majority of people with migraines don't suffer that often. I suppose making it sound like your guide can help the worst case of migraines would convince those who are not suffering from excessive migraines to buy your guide.

Anyways, although my mother does not suffer from them anymore, I sent this to her to her email box and she was convinced of your sales copy. So thats one conversion already

Hope this helped.

[willyboy104]

Thanks everyone, I have begun to change things around. Its very hard doing this publishing thing ;P

However I do thank you all for your feedback I am just going to keep going with this sales page until its got great conversions

[willyboy104]

Originally Posted by Admiral.W

I must say, your copywriter really study the topic and understood exactly what to target to get people to want your product.

I personally have two family members who suffer migraines, and its a horrible feeling to see someone in a great deal of pain, without having the ability to do anything about it. One of the family members being my mother. A while back, 5 years or so, she used to suffer from major migraines, over and over and over again, and it would happen twice+ a week. It has lessened. I heard migraines lessen with age.

Your sales copy seems to target people who are suffering from migraines daily, or are just dying from them. However the majority of people with migraines don't suffer that often. I suppose making it sound like your guide can help the worst case of migraines would convince those who are not suffering from excessive migraines to buy your guide.

Anyways, although my mother does not suffer from them anymore, I sent this to her to her email box and she was convinced of your sales copy. So thats one conversion already

Hope this helped.

Thank you very much Admiral. Thats a great help, I shall be expecting another sale soon hehe.

Its great to hear that though, because to be honest I've been worried that it may not of gripped people properly as its supposed to.

Thank you again.

[Joe Fier]

From first glance and by scrolling all around it, it appears to be a very clean and easy to follow sales copy. As mentioned by a few others, there are typos that need to be cleared up and some of the headings seem a little weak.

I think that you should incorporate a video towards the top of the page. It's been proven by many of the top dog marketers that video is the best method to sell a product. It allows you to get much more personable with a potential customer than writing.

I wouldn't do a sales copy without using a video portion.

[Alexa Smith]

I really think it's good, overall.

(Personally I'm not an enthusiast of headlines starting "Who else ...?" but that's about me, not about you or your copywriter).

Here's a little list of very minor suggested amendments re typo's/grammar etc. (in order of occurrence):-

- The grey subheading needs a little more space between the lines

- "You" (where it says "You feel exhausted") shouldn't start with a capital letter, following a colon rather than a period

- Remove the comma between "try" and "to"

- Remove the capital letter from "Tomorrow" (follows colon, again)

- I don't like the three dashes between "pain" and "all" - "space dash space" instead would look a lot better

- "proven to work" should really be hyphenated because it's an adjectival phrase (just like "one-of-a-kind" is correctly hyphenated a bit lower down)

- Remove capital letter from "Don't be fooled" (as above)

- The bullet-points ("sneak-peak" section) shouldn't have the period at the end of each one

- Capital T of "Things" (as above)

- Some of the bullet-point sentences listed under the various bonus products have periods at the end and some don't (best to remove them all)

- Capital I of "If you keep doing" (as above)

- "Iron clad" and "60 day" should both be hyphenated, strictly speaking, and separated by a comma (just to please pedants like me)

- I would hyphenate "migraine free" (but that might be just me)

- Remove the colons after "PS" and "PPS" - these should be "P.S." and "P.P.S."

Sorry to hit you with what looks like a list of "criticisms", especially because I think this is really good, and I wish you very well with it!

(For myself, I wouldn't want a video on this sales page, but I freely admit that's not a "qualified opinion").

[Steve Wells]

Originally Posted by yourreviewer

Overall a nice salespage, I thought there was too much of white space on the right side of the salespage. Maybe it's my browser but wanted to let you know anyhow.

The ONLY thing that stood out to me as a little strange was that the whole page is aligned to the left? Other than that it looks great!!!!



Just testing my new signiture, its a little artsy but I like it........

[Jackbgd]

Wait - I saw THIS EXACT or maybe a page that looks almost identical like this one just a few weeks ago someone on the forums posted it up with a different question?

?

[Jackbgd]

Oh It was you.

How to Promote a Migraine Product?

Sorry, I though maybe someone was ripping you off, or you were ripping of someone else , my bad.

[Voasi]

Site looks pretty good.

I'd also make the testimonials "bold". Right now, they're faded gray and blend with with the whole testimonial box. Those should stand out as they're one of your most powerful texts/images on a sales page.

[willyboy104]

Excellent everyone, thank you very much.

@Alexa, thank you very much for your input, you have been very active in giving me feedback in most of my threads so I thank you very much.

As for the video, its something I have considered however I have never been sure because I think it has different effects with different markets, its definitely something I will consider for the future.

I was considering splitting the sales page up in to two or three different pages, any considerations there?

Thanks again guys and girls.

[Rob Canyon]

get rid of the nav buttons,

put more testimonials in the little boxes like you have them on your sales letter.

brighten up the testimonial text so people can read it... (re: they'll want to read this before the sales copy in most cases),

definitely brighten up the as seen on logos at the top of the page.

You've got to hightlight the social proof more than you have... no matter how much you paid or spent the time to write the copy...

the social proof is the glue that holds readers till they click the buy now button, make it crazy glue instead of paper glue if you get my drift.

good copy... definitely test the prices.

[Alexa Smith]

Originally Posted by Voasi

I'd also make the testimonials "bold". Right now, they're faded gray and blend with with the whole testimonial box. Those should stand out as they're one of your most powerful texts/images on a sales page.

Yes - I also agree with this point.

[willyboy104]

Originally Posted by Rob Canyon

get rid of the nav buttons,

put more testimonials in the little boxes like you have them on your sales letter.

brighten up the testimonial text so people can read it... (re: they'll want to read this before the sales copy in most cases),

definitely brighten up the as seen on logos at the top of the page.

You've got to hightlight the social proof more than you have... no matter how much you paid or spent the time to write the copy...

the social proof is the glue that holds readers till they click the buy now button, make it crazy glue instead of paper glue if you get my drift.

good copy... definitely test the prices.

Thanks some great points there. I will be brightening up the testimonail text within the next couple of hours as this seems like something many people have picked up on.

I agree with your points about highlighting the social proof we are working on adding more social proof to the page as well.

Thanks again.

[willyboy104]

Thank you everyone OK an update:

I have created an account with intellichat or something similar to that which is going to add a chat box if someone goes to click off the page with a discount, yes I know it can be annoying but it should improve conversions.

As for everyone's feedback here, I created a list and have been going through it today.

I added the testimonial boxes closer to the top of the page
I added order now buttons on every page
I added another order now button closer to the top
I tried to add one to the nav bar but it stretched to far so fixing that now
I did everything Alexa asked me to do (Thanks)
I spaced out the sub heading.
I have almost finished creating an opt in box and added a free tracker for subscribers.

Another major thing I did was added some more information about the product and another image, the prevent, treat and control box with the information surrounding it. Some feedback on this would be appreciated, I think it looks good and goes well but would like to know your opinions.

What else...erm.

Thats about all I think, just awaiting the javascript for the intellichat.

Any opinions?

Thanks again guys and girls.

[silotiko]

I only browsed a couple of other reply posts and so hopefully I am not repeating these suggestion:

** I would use a count down clock for your "Special Pre-Lauch" price Purchase button - ( give it some urgency.

** Also, I would make the "as seen on" at the top of the page, stand out a bit more.
** I noticed you are going to make this change, put an order button closer to the top of the page. Well done!

[willyboy104]

Thanks silotiko, the count down clock is a cool idea something I will definitely look in to.

The other recommendatiohn someone had already mentioned, I am going to be putting a order button in the nav bar too and I am trying to make it stand out more.

Thank you very much for your recommendations.