My Wife is a Gatekeeper, and I am in the Dog House

[Charles Montgomery]

My wife is the gatekeeper (excuse me, office manager) at a local doctor's office. I am into internet marketing, and occasionally dabble in taking my services to offline businesses.

I do not give my wife too many details of what I do and she doesnt care. She justs likes the checks that seem to come from everywhere

She has stated several times how she stops sales people from getting to the doctors who own the business. She even brags about it, because she thinks she is doing them a favor by keeping sleezy salespeople out thier hair.

Last night she said she got a phone call from a congressman who wanted the doctors to help with a forum on healthcare. This congresman is oppossed to the health care plan being offered by congress, as are the doctors she works with.

She said, bragging "This congressman called three times trying to get with the doctor and I stopped him each time." I finally got tired of her attitude about stopping people from getting to the doctor and said "You think you are doing the business a favor by keeping sales people out, but have you ever thought of the damage you are causing? What if these salespeople are offering products the doctor wants, or products that could save the business money. What if you are in fact destroying the doctor's office by keeping sales people out?"

Needless to say, she was not pleased by my statement. I dont know why But it shows the attitudes of a lot of gatekeepers. They bask in their authority, and stop useful info from getting to the owners.

Was I out of line? Should I run a "buy my wife a diamond ring WSO" to make up for my actions?

Anyway, I thought it would be an interesting story for you offline guys.

[JamesFrancisIM]

No, not at all.

In my opinion, she just seems midled.

Explain to her how not all sales people are there to be sleazy, and some are actually there to help both them AND the businesses they advertise to.

Wow, i feel like an agony aunt or something...

- James.

[Andyhenry]

Yeah you were out of line - it's your wife. Shooting her down and making her feel bad are not part of a good plan for happy wives.

There may be some sense to what you said - but also it could be BS.

SHE is more likely to know the answer than you.

In all probability she's great at her job and the reason she's got so good at keeping people away is because that's exactly what she's been asked to do.

Perhaps if she didn't all the people taking up the doctors time would affect his ability to provide good patient care and he wouldn't be able to look after so many people - and some people who need care wouldn't get it.

You can argue it from both sides - but that doesn't make the argument a good idea.

Andy

[Michael Oksa]

Hi Charles,

But I'm not getting in the middle of this one.

However, four thoughts:

1. Buy her the diamond ring anyway.

2. Perhaps reasoning with her as follows will help. Either the doctors she works for can have input into the health care system and how it's run, by working with the congressman and his gorum. OR, she can pass the buck and let the congressman go to one her employer's competitors.

In other words, don't frame it as a gatekeeper vs. salespeople argument. Frame it as what's beneficial for her and who she works for. I see how you attempted to do it, and even though I wasn't there, it does seem like you may each have had an agenda going into the "discussion".

3. Maybe she could take a message FROM the congressman and then approach the doctor and ask what she should do. I suggest this only because it sounds like an extraordinary case.

4. Run an extension cord into the doghouse. At least that way you will have a few creature comforts.

All the best,
Michael

[Gail Sober]

Blame the doctors and make them give her a raise!

The "gatekeepers" should know which calls to put through, which calls to take down a message for and which calls to throw up the brick wall to. They learn this from feedback received from the bosses.

It's the doctors fault for not making it more clear or maybe they did and she is doing what they want in which case... buy the diamond ring!!

[Charles Montgomery]

OK OK OK, I apologized. And, I bought her this and ordered overnight shipping
1/2 Carat Black and White Diamond 10K White Gold Ring

Everything should be fine by Thursday

[Kirahster]

That is a really pretty ring!

I think your wife was proud of how well she was doing her job. Your response may have seemed like a slap in the face to her. She was probably expecting you to pat her on the back and say "good job honey, the doctor is sure lucky to have an employee as good as you!"

When you replied that she may actually be harming the doctors business, this was the exact opposite of the reply she was expecting.

This probably made her go on the defensive immediately.

Buy her the ring, apologise for your words and explain in a gentler manner what your initial point was.

Everybody will be happy that way (probably even her employer).

[lilhay]

No you weren't out of line but you can always say things in a nicer way.
You get great results talking normally to your spouse or mate.
I believe she thought she was doing what was best for your business.

[cypherslock]

If you can't have a mature discussion with your wife and be honest, what's the point? There are times when I HATE the whole "male is always wrong" bit I see in my friends. My wife and I have some heated discussion, but heck that's part of marriage. If we had to buy each other stuff every time we disagreed, we'd be broke.

[timpears]

Yes, your wife did a great job by keeping the congressman away. If they had got together they might have helped each other accomplish what they both wanted, to stop this stupid health care program from becoming law. Maybe not, but then we will never know because she stopped him cold.

No one makes any money until someone sells something. The people she works for have to sell their service to get paid. The sales men who call on her office have to make sales to stay in business and get a paycheck. And if they don't manage to sell the doctors office the supplies they need, then the doctors will not be able to do their job and will go out of business.

Tell her to keep doing a great job of keeping all of those sales men away. We need more businesses to go out of business so everyone can be out of work.

Sorry, I am sure that your wife is a wonderful person or you wouldn't have married her. But sometimes these gate keepers make me want to scream. I think that if I called them and told them I had $100 bills to give away, they would tell me that they weren't interested.

[sbucciarel]

Well actually, I was a gatekeeper for several CEOs a long time ago and that was part of my job also ... and the CEOs did not want sales calls and would not appreciate it if I piled their desk up with junk mail and their phones up with marketing calls.

CEOs have a good sense of what they need to buy for their companies and can find it when/if they want it. Just because you think your product is the next best thing to sliced bananas, doesn't mean that it would be well received by a lot of busy executives. Your wife is doing her job and you're trying to tell her that she's doing it wrong, when in fact, she's doing it right.