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#1 |
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Advanced Warrior
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Join Date: May 2006
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Hi I was hoping that a couple of people could give me a little help (should take literally 10 seconds).
I am writing some salescopy for an IM product and have 3 headlines I like but can't see the "wood for the trees" as to which one to pick. Which one would make you most likely to carry on reading the letter? "What Everybody Ought To Know...About This Internet Marketing Business" "When The Online Gurus Need To Make Money, What Do They Do?" "How a New Kind of Website Will Help You Make Online Profits – For Reasons That Every Marketer Will Understand!" Thanks for your time John |
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#2 |
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Recovering Millionaire
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John,
Marginally number three wins because it contains the word "You". However, none of them really emphasise what is in it for me.. What is the primary benefit on offer? John |
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#3 |
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Addict
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Umea, Umea, Sweden.
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Hi
I would probably be most interested in: When The Online Gurus Need To Make Money, What Do They Do?" Discover How YOU Can Make Money Like The Professionals Legally Copy What They Do. Nah I am not good ad headlines but I do know you need to grab the readers atention and solve a problem. And even better show how. Persoanlly anything named Gurus I would just leave ![]() Daniel |
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#4 |
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writes
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None of them really grab me
I'll have a think |
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#5 |
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Top Gun Copywriter
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Hi John,
For a choice out of those 3 I'd go with them for the same reasons as Mr Taylor. I'd jazz it up a little though - stuff the main benefit in there if you can, hopefully with some specifics to give a squirt of credibility. EG "How A New Kind Of Website Will Help You Make $352.92 Every Two Days..." That's just a crappy example but with the specifics and the smidge of curiosity it would probably pull a little better. Hope that helps john David |
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#6 |
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Kendama Samurai
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None stand out for me as a killer headline as such. The last two are wordy but I think the first one has potential.
What YOU need to know before you start your online business. (My effort is probably not that good either.) Sorry. Hope someone can help you make it a great one!! Keep trying. Phil |
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#7 |
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HyperActive Warrior
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All three headlines basically read like the 2,422 other IM sales letter headlines I've read so far. They're too unspecific and they don't grab me.
I'm trying to come up with some suggestions, but I'm having a pretty hard time as I have no idea what you're trying to sell. |
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#8 |
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Serial Products Creator
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You need to know the truth here. You need to know the Three elements of a successful headline...
1. story to connect 2. the word "you" 3. WIIFM for the propspect... ie the benefit Keep it as short as possible while telling a story, and telling them whats in it for them using the word "you" as if you are talking to them. |
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Lakshay Behl and family Moving to US blog coming soon... Watch out
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#9 |
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Banned
Join Date: Sep 2008
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John,
I think you need to provide much more information about the product to get better feedback and suggestions. James |
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#10 |
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AS SEEN ON BBC TV
Join Date: Aug 2006
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None of them grab me either.
How about Do You Want The Website Secrets That Bring In
Hundreds Of $$$$$$ Every Day? Martin |
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#11 |
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Banned
Join Date: Sep 2008
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#12 |
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Advanced Warrior
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Thanks for the input guys - I deliberately didn't want to reveal too much as there is an element of curiosity built into my launch.
But I guess it wouldn't harm to say that it's aimed at newbie/intermediate marketers. Which makes me wonder if some of the more experienced marketers who have added comment here have seen just so many headlines that it is has to be revolutionary and truly out there to catch their attention. Whereas for newbies one of the more basic and classic headlines that I have adapted here may work really well. Just a thought ... But I do appreciate the help and would love to hear any more. Thanks John |
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#13 |
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Advanced Warrior
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Western Canada
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Hi John,
Here's a few Creative ways to come up with Great Headlines... ![]() Study the following... And focus on web sites and blogs that many read just for their headlines! DRUDGE REPORT 2008® Drudge Retort: Red Meat for Yellow Dogs Blinkx Video: How To Write Winning Headlines In 10 Seconds How to Write Headlines That Work | Copyblogger 10 Sure-Fire Headline Formulas That Work | Copyblogger For those that don't know... Make Your Words Sell! Is Free now... Make Your Words Sell! Dave |
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#14 |
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Advanced Warrior
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Hi guys I'm back again and I guess it's OK to reveal that I am offering Master Resell Rights to brand new fresh products every month on Internet Marketing.
As it will probably mean people can offer more assistance. How about any of these 5: “How A New Kind of Website Will Give You A Profitable Online Business GUARANTEED - For Reasons That Every Marketer Will Understand!" "Now You Can Finally Have Access to Hot New Resell Products ... And Build A Profitable Online Business You Can be Proud Of" "Finally, The Keys To Your Own Profitable Online Business ... For All Newbie and Intermediate Marketers" "If You're an Internet Marketer Earning Less Than $10,000 Per Month Online ... Discover The New Kind of Website That's GUARANTEED To Give You A Profitable Business Online"
"If You're an Internet Marketer Earning Less Than $10,000 Per Month Online ... You Need To Seriously Consider This New Kind of Website, That's GUARANTEED To Give You A Profitable Business Online" |
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#15 |
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HyperActive Warrior
Join Date: Jun 2008
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"Are you making less than $10,000 a month online? Our product creation gurus will make it easy to build a profitable business...guaranteed."
How about something like this? Not perfect but an idea to play off of. |
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#16 | |
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Advanced Warrior
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Quote:
Internet Marketing - What Everybody Ought to Know or This new type of website will increase your online profits To me the second and third headlines seem contradictory. If it's "new" then all the gurus aren't doing it - yet. If they are, then it isn't new! | |
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#17 |
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1 Day At A Time
Join Date: Apr 2008
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Proven Fact: Gurus Will Make Money You Are About to Learn How Gurus "Know the Formulas That Work" Learn What They Are Right Now The Following System Works Guru Tested, Guru Approved (this one is kinda funny) "Ever Wanted to Make Money Like a Guru? You Can, I'll Show You How" These are a few quick ones that I came up with based on a product that is selling to someone NEW to IM. The word Guru is a Big Deal if you are targeting new IM'ers. To get a better idea a name of some sort might want to be thrown in. Maybe some numbers, how long it will take them. If you can put the word guarantee in your headline with some numbers, then you have a very high chance of CTR. People love analyzed results. |
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#18 |
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David Black
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Birmingham, United Kingdom.
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The "Onlikne gurus" one would interest me most!
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Check it out --->>> My OFFLINE sales letter that works!
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#19 |
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Cash-Producing Copywriter
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How about something like:
"Give me 5 Minutes of Your Time, and I'll Show you EXACTLY How Marketers JUST LIKE YOU Are Legally and Ethically Making $10 000 A Month By Selling HOT Products and Keeping 100% Of the Profits!" Obviously needs some work but personally I would aim for something like that. |
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Turbo-Charge Your Website With Compelling, Cash-Sucking Sales Copy That Gets Serious Results - http://www.noriskcopy.com
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#20 |
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Wordsmith
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May I be really honest without offending you?
I dislike all three of them, and for the same reason: they all have Every Word Starting With A Capital Letter and that just makes me think "another copywriter who never went to school" and doesn't know that you don't do that in English. Hope you appreciate I mean this helpfully: there are probably only a smallish number of us who get put off by that, but we get REALLY put off by it! It just comes across as another FORM OF SHOUTING.
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Alexa Smith ...
... writes many things that snap, crackle and pop, but not too many signature-files. |
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#21 |
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HyperActive Warrior
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The new headlines are still too unspecific for me. I'll go out on a limb here and give it a shot (I hope I don't shoot my own foot):
How To Get Your Hands On <insert actual number of MRR products> HOT New Information Products Each Month You Can Sell Over And Over Again For $17, $27, $37 Or More - With All The Product Creation Work Already Done For You! |
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#22 |
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Active Warrior
Join Date: Oct 2007
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how about something likw
8 out oif 10 gurus say their bank magers love them discover how to make yours love you with... anyway, just a thought. |
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#23 |
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Senior Warrior Member
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My 2 cents...
For the newbie market, you should emphasize 4 things... 1. You will make a ton of money. 2. You will make a ton of money...quickly. 3. You will make a ton of money...quickly and easily. 4. You will make a ton of money...quickly and easily. Guaranteed. Get a headline with those elements, and your prospect should make it as far as your deck copy, at least ![]() Steve |
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#24 |
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Advanced Warrior
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Thanks again for the great input guys. Tom and Daniel I really like your ideas - maybe I can combine them somehow. Any more feedback/suggestions?
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#25 |
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Groundhog Day
Join Date: Mar 2006
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I like #2. Test.
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#26 | |
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Audre Hill
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Quote:
But I knew I was looking for ways to make money online. So something like "Make money online now, here's how..." worked for me. Maybe lumping Newbie with Intermediate is making things harder. Intermediate IMers (as I now consider myself) know a lot of the industry language that Newbies haven't yet been exposed to. Cheers, Audre
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#27 |
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HyperActive Warrior
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i really think it depends where someone is at on their IM career. At my point i would read #2 though
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Find me at myspace.com/jacobhyten
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#28 | |
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Cash-Producing Copywriter
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Quote:
Copywriting isn't about art or correctly structuring a sentence. In fact, I think (and I could be wrong) that it was the great Gary Halbert who said that your copy should be able to be read by an eighth-grader. Copywriting is about selling product. Period. Structuring a headline in such a way (usually) helps sell more. Secondly, titles have every word capitalized (the important ones at least) - I figure a headline is like a title. But this is simply conjecture on my behalf - the fact of the matter is it helps sell. That makes me like it. -Dan | |
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Turbo-Charge Your Website With Compelling, Cash-Sucking Sales Copy That Gets Serious Results - http://www.noriskcopy.com
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#29 |
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How about this headline
"Your Search is over Now you can make As Much You want from My brand new System ---Guranateed" |
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#30 |
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Mr SuperTips
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My suggestion
"If you're an Internet Marketer earning only $10,000 a month . . . . . . you'd better read on !" Harvey |
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#31 |
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Membership Site Expert
Join Date: Jul 2005
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I liked:
Now You Can Finally Have Access to Hot New Resell Products ... And Build A Profitable Online Business You Can be Proud Of |
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