A Quick 10 Second Test

by John Hillage 28 replies
Hi I was hoping that a couple of people could give me a little help (should take literally 10 seconds).

I am writing some salescopy for an IM product and have 3 headlines I like but can't see the "wood for the trees" as to which one to pick.

Which one would make you most likely to carry on reading the letter?


"What Everybody Ought To Know...About This Internet Marketing Business"

"When The Online Gurus Need To Make Money, What Do They Do?"

"How a New Kind of Website Will Help You Make Online Profits – For Reasons That Every Marketer Will Understand!"


Thanks for your time
John

#main internet marketing discussion forum #quick
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  • Profile picture of the author John Taylor
    John,

    Marginally number three wins because it contains the word
    "You".

    However, none of them really emphasise what is in it for me..
    What is the primary benefit on offer?

    John
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  • Profile picture of the author NMP
    Hi

    I would probably be most interested in:

    When The Online Gurus Need To Make Money, What Do They Do?"

    Discover How YOU Can Make Money
    Like The Professionals Legally Copy
    What They Do.

    Nah I am not good ad headlines but I do know you need to grab
    the readers atention and solve a problem. And even better show
    how.

    Persoanlly anything named Gurus I would just leave

    Daniel
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  • Profile picture of the author Rachel Goodchild
    None of them really grab me

    I'll have a think
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    • Profile picture of the author Phil Jacobson
      None stand out for me as a killer headline as such. The last two are wordy but I think the first one has potential.

      What YOU need to know before you start your online business.

      (My effort is probably not that good either.) Sorry.

      Hope someone can help you make it a great one!!

      Keep trying.

      Phil
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  • Profile picture of the author David Raybould
    Hi John,

    For a choice out of those 3 I'd go with them for the same reasons as Mr Taylor.

    I'd jazz it up a little though - stuff the main benefit in there if you can, hopefully with some specifics to give a squirt of credibility. EG

    "How A New Kind Of Website Will Help You Make $352.92 Every Two Days..."

    That's just a crappy example but with the specifics and the smidge of curiosity it would probably pull a little better.

    Hope that helps john

    David
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  • Profile picture of the author lakshaybehl
    You need to know the truth here. You need to know the Three elements of a successful headline...

    1. story to connect
    2. the word "you"
    3. WIIFM for the propspect... ie the benefit

    Keep it as short as possible while telling a story, and telling them whats in it for them using the word "you" as if you are talking to them.
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  • Profile picture of the author James Turner
    John,

    I think you need to provide much more information about the product to get better feedback and suggestions.

    James
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    • Profile picture of the author Martin Luxton
      None of them grab me either.

      How about

      Do You Want The Website Secrets That Bring In

      Hundreds Of $$$$$$ Every Day?

      Martin
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      • Profile picture of the author James Turner
        Originally Posted by Martin Luxton View Post

        None of them grab me either.

        How about

        Do You Want The Website Secrets That Bring In

        Hundreds Of $$$$$$ Every Day?

        Martin
        There a major problem with headlines that ask closed questions..


        You only offer two answers and the majority will answer: NO!

        James
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  • Profile picture of the author John Hillage
    Thanks for the input guys - I deliberately didn't want to reveal too much as there is an element of curiosity built into my launch.

    But I guess it wouldn't harm to say that it's aimed at newbie/intermediate marketers.

    Which makes me wonder if some of the more experienced marketers who have added comment here have seen just so many headlines that it is has to be revolutionary and truly out there to catch their attention.

    Whereas for newbies one of the more basic and classic headlines that I have adapted here may work really well.

    Just a thought ...

    But I do appreciate the help and would love to hear any more.

    Thanks
    John
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    • Profile picture of the author rosetrees
      Originally Posted by John Hillage View Post

      Thanks for the input guys - I deliberately didn't want to reveal too much as there is an element of curiosity built into my launch.

      But I guess it wouldn't harm to say that it's aimed at newbie/intermediate marketers.

      Which makes me wonder if some of the more experienced marketers who have added comment here have seen just so many headlines that it is has to be revolutionary and truly out there to catch their attention.

      Whereas for newbies one of the more basic and classic headlines that I have adapted here may work really well.

      John
      My view as a relative newbie. I can't/won't/don't read long headlines. I want a headline to tell me at an immediate glance what is on offer. So for me something along the lines of:

      Internet Marketing - What Everybody Ought to Know

      or

      This new type of website will increase your online profits

      To me the second and third headlines seem contradictory. If it's "new" then all the gurus aren't doing it - yet. If they are, then it isn't new!
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      • Profile picture of the author threeg5

        Proven Fact:
        Gurus Will Make Money
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        Gurus "Know the Formulas That Work"
        Learn What They Are Right Now

        The Following System Works
        Guru Tested, Guru Approved
        (this one is kinda funny)

        "Ever Wanted to Make Money Like a Guru?
        You Can, I'll Show You How"


        These are a few quick ones that I came up with based on a product that is selling to someone NEW to IM.

        The word Guru is a Big Deal if you are targeting new IM'ers.
        To get a better idea a name of some sort might want to be thrown in.
        Maybe some numbers, how long it will take them.
        If you can put the word guarantee in your headline with some numbers, then you have a very high chance of CTR. People love analyzed results.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dave777
    Hi John,

    Here's a few Creative ways to come up with Great Headlines...

    Study the following...

    And focus on web sites and blogs that many read just for their headlines!

    DRUDGE REPORT 2008®
    Drudge Retort: Red Meat for Yellow Dogs

    Blinkx Video: How To Write Winning Headlines In 10 Seconds

    How to Write Headlines That Work | Copyblogger
    10 Sure-Fire Headline Formulas That Work | Copyblogger

    For those that don't know...

    Make Your Words Sell!

    Is Free now...
    Make Your Words Sell!

    Dave
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  • Profile picture of the author John Hillage
    Hi guys I'm back again and I guess it's OK to reveal that I am offering Master Resell Rights to brand new fresh products every month on Internet Marketing.
    As it will probably mean people can offer more assistance.

    How about any of these 5:

    “How A New Kind of Website Will Give You A Profitable Online Business GUARANTEED - For Reasons That Every Marketer Will Understand!"

    "Now You Can Finally Have Access to Hot New Resell Products ... And Build A Profitable Online Business You Can be Proud Of"

    "Finally, The Keys To Your Own Profitable Online Business ... For All Newbie and Intermediate Marketers"

    "If You're an Internet Marketer Earning Less Than $10,000 Per Month Online ... Discover The New Kind of Website That's GUARANTEED To Give You A Profitable Business Online"

    "If You're an Internet Marketer Earning Less Than $10,000 Per Month Online ... You Need To Seriously Consider This New Kind of Website, That's GUARANTEED To Give You A Profitable Business Online"
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    • Profile picture of the author Eric Johnson
      "Are you making less than $10,000 a month online? Our product creation gurus will make it easy to build a profitable business...guaranteed."

      How about something like this? Not perfect but an idea to play off of.
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  • Profile picture of the author mookinman
    The "Onlikne gurus" one would interest me most!
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  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
    How about something like:

    "Give me 5 Minutes of Your Time, and I'll Show you EXACTLY How Marketers JUST LIKE YOU Are Legally and Ethically Making $10 000 A Month By Selling HOT Products and Keeping 100% Of the Profits!"

    Obviously needs some work but personally I would aim for something like that.
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    • Profile picture of the author Alexa Smith
      Banned
      [DELETED]
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      • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
        Originally Posted by alexa_s View Post

        May I be really honest without offending you?

        I dislike all three of them, and for the same reason: they all have Every Word Starting With A Capital Letter and that just makes me think "another copywriter who never went to school" and doesn't know that you don't do that in English. Hope you appreciate I mean this helpfully: there are probably only a smallish number of us who get put off by that, but we get REALLY put off by it! It just comes across as another FORM OF SHOUTING.
        Whilst, grammatically, I don't disagree with you, my testing (and the results of others) speak for themselves - it works.

        Copywriting isn't about art or correctly structuring a sentence. In fact, I think (and I could be wrong) that it was the great Gary Halbert who said that your copy should be able to be read by an eighth-grader.

        Copywriting is about selling product. Period. Structuring a headline in such a way (usually) helps sell more.

        Secondly, titles have every word capitalized (the important ones at least) - I figure a headline is like a title. But this is simply conjecture on my behalf - the fact of the matter is it helps sell. That makes me like it.

        -Dan
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  • Profile picture of the author Peter_J
    how about something likw

    8 out oif 10 gurus say their bank magers love them

    discover how to make yours love you with...


    anyway, just a thought.
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  • Profile picture of the author Steven Fullman
    My 2 cents...

    For the newbie market, you should emphasize 4 things...

    1. You will make a ton of money.
    2. You will make a ton of money...quickly.
    3. You will make a ton of money...quickly and easily.
    4. You will make a ton of money...quickly and easily. Guaranteed.

    Get a headline with those elements, and your prospect should make it as far as your deck copy, at least

    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author summer07
      Originally Posted by Steven Fullman View Post

      My 2 cents...

      For the newbie market, you should emphasize 4 things...

      1. You will make a ton of money.
      2. You will make a ton of money...quickly.
      3. You will make a ton of money...quickly and easily.
      4. You will make a ton of money...quickly and easily. Guaranteed.

      Get a headline with those elements, and your prospect should make it as far as your deck copy, at least

      Steve
      I think Steve hits the mark. When I first encountered IM, I didn't know I was called a "newbie", and I thought "gurus" meditated all day.

      But I knew I was looking for ways to make money online. So something like "Make money online now, here's how..." worked for me.

      Maybe lumping Newbie with Intermediate is making things harder. Intermediate IMers (as I now consider myself) know a lot of the industry language that Newbies haven't yet been exposed to.

      Cheers,
      Audre
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  • Profile picture of the author John Hillage
    Thanks again for the great input guys. Tom and Daniel I really like your ideas - maybe I can combine them somehow. Any more feedback/suggestions?
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  • Profile picture of the author Jakehyten
    i really think it depends where someone is at on their IM career. At my point i would read #2 though
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  • Profile picture of the author Anthony Hull
    I liked:

    Now You Can Finally Have Access to Hot New Resell Products ... And Build A Profitable Online Business You Can be Proud Of
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